Why do we stay?


Do we stay in bad relationships, even when it hurts?  I for one, have been involved in a bad relationship in the past, and stayed way too long!  At first, I told myself things would get better, but it never did – the unfaithfulness continued.  There are never any advantages in staying in a loveless or unrewarding relationship.  While I thought I loved him and he me, I came to realize it was a relationship built on lies, physical attraction and convenience.   After a while, it becomes a habit of familiarity.  Point blank, we’re use to being with someone we’re accustomed to, and would rather remain in an unhealthy relationship, rather than be alone, heal and open our hearts to new possibilities.  The longer you remain in bad relationships; it becomes your template and replica for dating. 

After finally ending the relationship, I began to grapple over the rationale of why I stayed so long, but there was no real rhyme or reason.  While I had no justifications, it became real to me that lacking love for ‘you’ can lead to making regrettable decisions, and as a result, remain in emotional, physical and mentally abusive relationships.  Not to mention, it’s not an easy reality to admit that you may not love yourself enough to receive true love. 

I won’t pretend as if it’s easy to walk away, or stop “loving” someone that you’ve spent an inordinate amount of time with, and created soul ties with, but I had to stop making excuses.  I had to take control of my life, ask God to give me the strength to let go and begin the healing process!

A few key tools that was key for my emotional and mental freedom:

I forgave him

Don’t give anyone that kind of power over your life that you hold on to grudges.  It will consume you, and you will never be able to let go, or move on.  You can forgive without being directly involved with someone!  The forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for YOU!

I Ended the “Friendship”

Plain and simple – you can’t be friends with your ex, especially if you haven’t gotten over him.  You will find yourself repeating the same destructive behaviors if you do.

I stopped ALL communication (telephone, email, text, Skype, social media outlets)

I made no more excuses of why I needed to answer his calls, text messages or remain his friend on face book.  It only makes allowance for a slower healing process!

I sought professional help

This is how I was able to identify the root of the problem and be able to approach future circumstances with better clarity.  Until we are able to distinguish why we practice such destructive behavioral conundrums, the cycle will continue.

 We can say, “Just get over it, but it’s not always that simple – it’s a process! 

-Terry D.

2 thoughts on “Why do we stay?”

  1. Very good advice..I am in that end stange of seeking help. It is a great place when you understand what it will take to be free and heal.

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