Why do we say we want respect and romance, romance definition and immediately become offended when he isn’t trying to sleep with you right away?  Have we lost the ability to sense a good man or are we confused about what we really want?  Are we sending the wrong message, by making sexual advances, because he doesn’t?  Have we been hanging with the Mr. Wrong’s so long, that we no longer recognize Mr. Right?  We become cynical in our depiction of men, due to bad relationship experiences, and almost lose our capacity to identify love.  I don’t believe it’s so much as we don’t know what we want, but instead after relationship failures, we question our value, lack love for ourselves and begin thinking we are only defined by our sexual worth.   If he gives into your advances because of the pressure to prove his manhood, will he still respect you?  Does it make you feel undesirable when he doesn’t try to sleep with you, or is that all you feel you have to offer?  You’re so much more than a sexual being, and until you recognize that, you will continue to accept less than you deserve or desire.  If you truly are aware of what you want vs. what you don’t want, take inventory and take no prisoners.  You don’t have to be a hard ass, but you do have to be adamant about your deal breakers, but more importantly, stop wasting your time; because if you’re not ready to do that, you are a walking target for a series of romance-less relationships.

If romance and respect is what you want, then say that and keep your panties on.  When you project physically what you emotionally and mentally want, guess what – you will get it!  You have to own the confidence and not compromise your values.  If he doesn’t want to romance you, without the sex, you need to keep it moving, because that sounds a lot like a trade-off; and we both know what sex for pay is considered.  One key factor is, giving in and compromising what you believe in, will not get you any closer to your goal of attaining true love.  If we didn’t think so little of ourselves and not use sex as a bargaining chip, we would be surprised at the real bond that romance and sexless intimacy can bring.  You can’t hold him accountable without holding yourself accountable.  Sometimes it takes you taking a step back from relationships, and learning more about yourself and all that you have to offer in order to become comfortable  and not selling yourself cheap. 

Close your legs, open your mind and let the romance begin!

-Terry D.