You go back, back & forth & forth with the Ping Pong Love Jones!  Why do we insist on going back for more?  We know the relationship is over, and it meant us no good, but we get that 4a.m. phone call at that vulnerable moment, and bam, before you know it, you are sleeping with the enemy again.  We know our mama told us there ain’t nothing open after midnight but legs and 7-eleven.  At first we reason with ourselves and justify every reason why we picked up that phone, but in the end, we may not want to admit it to others, but none of them really made any sense.  It doesn’t take us long to realize why they’re our ex in the first place, but can’t’ seem to resist the temptation of that “one last” good-bye.  That last good-bye turns into a series of many lasts.  We actually begin convincing ourselves that maybe it wasn’t so bad in the first place, but knowing all along nothing could be further from the truth.  In all actuality, we’re just postponing the inevitable and digging a deeper hole.  It all seems harmless, because he certainly has to love me if he wants me back, but we quickly realize the phone calls only seem to come in the middle of the night and there are no real dates involved this time around; only booty calls and the calls to set up the next booty call. 

While we know we have no business being back in this toxic relationship, our hearts and minds just can’t seem to align.  Hoping and Praying  that it will be better this time around, but it’s not.  Before long, we are crying ourselves to sleep, questioning our worth, wondering if we will ever find someone else or even if we deserve it.  So, before we decide this time that it is really over, we want to talk to them, just to make sure we aren’t making a mistake and then the dreaded conversation takes a turn that we may have expected, but certainly didn’t want to hear.  “I thought we were just having a little fun.”  We begin judging ourselves harshly because, how can I allow this to happen yet again?        

After we hang up the phone and cry, think about all the what if’s, and wish the worst possible things on earth would happen to this person, we fall asleep and wake up wishing it was all a dream and try to put the pieces of our hearts back together.

-Terry D.