America’s View on African-American Relationships

We’re upset at the fact that mainstream networks view us as negative vs. positive when it comes to portraying  African-American relationships on television; and are afraid to feature an African-American male or female on ABC’s The Bachelor, and even more upset that their views on African-American relationships are almost non-existent or incapable of true love.  Although America has personally witnessed successful African-American couples for themselves, the cable networks paint a different picture; but what’s even more disturbing is the fact that we play these degrading roles that depict African-Americans in dysfunctional relationships, being angry, cheaters, money-chasers, ballers, rowdy, blinged out, attention seeking characters.  Until we stop being the #1 viewers and participants of these shows, the airwaves will continue being inundated with these type of shows.  We have allowed these shows to become the blueprint for our relationship behavioral actions.  There are some who can separate the two, but some can’t and don’t care to.  We can’t be upset for others labeling us, when we insist on living up to stereotypes.

We use the excuse that drama sells, but we also watched The Cosby Show, and they weren’t cursing one another out, or pulling out hair and glamorizing unethical behavior.  Is it more so that we just enjoy animalistic behavior, because that’s all we think we are?  There are shows out there that actually prove our capability of civil behavior in relationships, like Reed between the Lines, but you never see this trending on the Social Networks, because there’s not enough ignorance… Here’s a show that carries so many positive tones; how to deal with conflict resolution without anger, blended families, a couple that actually loves one another, and doesn’t have to be at each other’s throat all the time; but for some reason just like the rest of America, we join in on the myth that this isn’t the norm for us.  In reality, we do have more and more blended families, and need to learn how to live in them, if not in perfect harmony, at least with humility.

I saw disagreements among my parents growing up, but I also saw the love as well.  It’s up to us, which we decide to act upon.  We can’t keep hiding behind the excuse that this is the way we show our love.  Why accept defeat?  We’ve taken it so far as to think that we have to be okay with the negative connotations attached to our culture.  What happened to releasing the shackles and breaking the generational curses?

People can only do to you, what you allow!  NO, none of us are perfect, but we can’t continue to blame others for things that we accept!

-Terry D.

Love and Single Parenting

Our relationships we develop with our children can determine the relationships they not only build with their own children, but with their significant others.

I know we are adults, and proclaim the right to our own decision-making when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, but it is our parental duty to make sure we are providing our children with the best possible examples and the necessary tools to be productive adults that carry a heart of love and not resentment.  While we can’t predict whether they will make sound decisions or not, we have fulfilled our God-given duty to Train them up.  Proverbs 22:6 There are fine lines that exist when you are involved in romantic relationships as parents.  If you plan on spending a significant amount of time with someone, you have to be assured that they are a good fit for you, as well as your children. 

An unhealthy relationship can be an emotional benefactor in the way he/she will view and behave in the relationships they develop.

  • Having sex with them in the next room:  If you think your children don’t know what’s going on, you are sadly mistaken.  If it’s your choice to have sex in your home, please make sure your children aren’t home.  Closing the door and telling him/her to be quiet is not a choice.  We can’t expect to flaunt open sexual relationships in front of our children and then expect them not to explore their own sexual curiosities, or tell them to wait until they’re married, if we’re not leading by example.
  • Ignoring them for our New found Love:  New love can be a beautiful thing for us, but a nightmare for our children, who now feel left out.  There has to be a balance between the two, and your new love has to understand. You can’t allow your relationship with him/her to interfere with your children, nor can you make them feel like they’re not included in your activities with the two of you. 

Our consciousness of healthy relationships have to be raised to higher standards, because our decisions have a domino effect.  Our children are observing and absorbing our unhealthy behaviors…

-Terry D.

Ping Pong Love Jones – Part 2

Okay, we’ve called him every name in the book, cursed his life and everything attached to it and now comes the hard part, LETTING GO, getting the healing and help you need and getting on with your life!  Yes, he hurt you and you want revenge, but that’s only a temporary fix and won’t undo anything.  You may have made a mistake by going back and prolonging your heartache, and what’s done is done, but this is not the end and you are not alone.  Most have been through this dreadful cycle, but what’s most important is that you learn from it, and keep it moving.  Why beat up on yourself?  That will only lead to a pity party and insecurities.  Take control of your life, accept the lesson and know that you deserve better.  I know that moving on is easier said that done, but the fact that you recognize it, is the first step to letting go. 

The truth of the matter is, sometimes your heart just doesn’t align with the right things to do when it comes to matters of the heart. We never really make sense of it all, but as long a lesson is learned, there is no need to harp on it, but you must be able to identify the source of your relationship behaviors, as to not repeat them. 

Stop allowing others to tell you that at least you have a man and that they’re hard to come by.  Giving you all the “at least” reasons of why you should stay.  If you think he’s your last chance at love, you will always defend and make excuses for your relationship.

There will be people you won’t want to live without, but have t let gol

-Terry D.