WO(man) In The Mirror


Failed relationships can always be traced back to a man? Not so much… Maybe he broke your heart, but I’m sorry to tell you, he’s not solely responsible. The problem with this is, insecurities control more of our actions and reactions, than any one person. We give away our power, when we blame others for our choices… It’s more about The WO(man) in the Mirror! No single or collective myriad of relationship failures can be attributed to another person. Sometimes, it’s because of habitual and inherited generational curses, insecurities and the yearning for love – whether it’s good for us or not.

As soon as something goes wrong, we lash out at the “OTHER” woman! Namely, women we don’t even know, but hold responsible for all of our own relationship woes.

I’ve been to hell and back in relationships, but it made me the woman I am today, but I had to search myself;

The Why’s?

•Why did I allow someone to NOT honor the woman I know I am?
•Why did I stay?

The What’s?

•What did I do to deserve this?
•What will I do to change Me?

The How’s?

•How did I not know?
•How did I keep forgiving him?

I don’t negate the fact that its wrong for someone to disrespect you, but we have to respect ourselves, but more importantly, LOVE US enough to move pass our past, forgive THEM, forgive ourselves and not hold anyone else accountable for our choices…

I love me too much, to allow someone else not to! You can never want for someone, what they don’t want for themselves.

The woman you see in the mirror now, will look different than she did then…

Awareness = Accountability
Blame = Denial

Terry D.

Taking the Blinders Off

As long as anyone can continue to uncover everything that’s wrong in someone else’s relationship, it keeps them from having to face what’s not right in their own.  Telling themselves that a few good acts of kindness surely means that someone loves them; when in reality, it’s just in their nature to be kind, but it doesn’t constitute love, it constitutes an obligation. 

They stay long enough, and have lived this lie so long, that no matter what others think, they actually believe that things will get better.  Yes, it’s easier to sit back and judge someone who stays in a loveless relationship, but they’re deluding themselves, by playing along; but the offender is holding them on a short leash with empty promises and feeding them nuggets of deceptive happiness, while all the while emotionally handicapping their ability to distinguish the difference between love and habitual propensities.  Their coping mechanisms become almost delusional, because anytime someone brings up anything negative, they’re on the defensive, with a quick comeback and a tone of resentment.

Signs of loving with blinders on:

  1. Staying isolated, to conceal the truth from others
  2. You have more to offer, but always feel like you’re not in a position to ever prove it, without making the other person feel small
  3. You deflate yourself, to inflate the other person
  4. Anytime someone brings up your relationship, you change the subject, or you talk about other people
  5. “Your” plans of commitment are always postponed, because don’t be mistaken, they are “YOUR” plans
  6. You find yourself – ALWAYS comparing their good from their bad
  7. You begin convincing yourself, that this is what you wanted all along, “It’s not so bad – it could be worse.”
  8. You feel a sense in indebtedness

We meet people at vulnerable moments in our lives, and they seem to be our “Knight in Shining Armor!”  It’s not that you don’t think about all the things that people say, or even consider it to be the truth, when you’re all alone, but until you’re ready to face the truth, the truth is quickly buried, and it’s back to an erroneous life, because it’s easier for others to see clearer, because they’re not in it, and although the truth hurts, no matter what, until you’re ready to face your own demons, you continue.  The other sad truth is there are some who honestly aren’t aware that they’re loving with blinders on…

Terry D.

Are You Really Ready for Love?

Are you really ready for love, because with love comes great responsibility, and if you’re not disciplined enough to love you; what makes you think someone else wants to inherit those same disheveled behaviors into their lives? Make yourself more than just arm candy. It really is true that beauty is from the inside out.

Have you ever wondered how someone else was able to get another person? Yes, to a narrow judging eye, they seem like a mismatch, but to one another, they’re perfect. You see, that person took the time to prep for their husband or wife. The appeal exudes from what a person innately possesses, not just to what appears on the surface.

Now, this isn’t to suggest that you wait to get married, until you have everything together, because you’d be single forever, but there are a few intricate steps we should all want to consider, in order to alleviate any unnecessary added stress that already is the inevitable in marriage.

Don’t be afraid to do a self-assessment, and then take that same assessment, and ask someone you trust, their honest opinion. It’s never a bad idea to solicit an accountability partner, but make sure they’re objective and impartial. You are not looking for someone that agrees with everything you say…

Are you realistic in what your “dream” spouse looks like? If you have the same wish list at 40, that you had at 20, BURN it!!! As you grow, your values and expectations grow, or at least they should. You really do want to know what his/her long term goals are, instead of, what kind of car they drive.

There are some tough questions that you need to ask yourself;

What have I done to prepare myself, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and YES, financially? How as a wife, can you be a helpmeet, if you have nothing to offer, and how as a husband, can you provide for your family, if your finances are not in order?

  1. Have I honestly learned to be alone, and love ME? If you haven’t learned how to be alone, you will latch onto the first available person, and suck the life out of them, because of your clingy and needy nature.
  2. Do I have value to add to this relationship, or am I just hoping for someone else to offer that for both of us? Know you, and value you enough to want to have a balanced relationship. Don’t’ expect someone else to give you, what you yourself can’t offer.
  3. Have I checked my baggage at the door? No one wants to have to live the rest of their lives, paying for the sins of an ex.
  4. If you’re a more seasoned dater, make sure you consider the, “Stuck In Your Ways” syndrome, or this is just how I am – take it or leave it. Newsflash – they really don’t have to take it. Remember, there are other people willing to compromise and meet in the middle. Afterall, relationships are all about compromise. When we’ve been out of the “game” for a while, we become accustomed to our own routine, and it’s not always easy to break those habits, but it is necessary, in order to have balance.

I don’t necessarily believe that opposites attract. You won’t have everything in common, but it’s probably not a good idea to not have anything in common.

REMEMBER: Nothing is done overnight, but your willingness is a start! Don’t put off today, what you matter as well get done TODAY!  With change, comes a clearer view and the pickings are so slim!

Open your mind, and the possibilities are endless…


Terry D.