Enlarge Your Territory


Don’t deviate – say what you mean, and mean what you say – enough of the foolishness. Why is it so easy to just ward off what you want? Yes, love is about compromise and sacrifice, but doesn’t compromise mean that both people should be involved?  

If you want to be married, then you need to say so, be unapologetic and STOP negotiating your happiness.  Dating is not a career, unless that’s what you want.  Why would you date someone for years, give them everything that encompasses marriage, but never require the commitment.  “Why marry the cow, when you can get the milk for free is REAL!”  It seems to be a new trend for women to claim men as their husband, and nothing could be further from the truth! My hubby this, my hubby that.  Yeah, you feel like the wife, because for all intent and purposes, it’s the role you’re “playing.”

So let me get this right.  He’s afraid of commitment, but doesn’t have a problem with shacking with you, having sex, paying bills together, attending family functions, even owning a house and car together, and I’m sorry, but maybe I’m a little slow… Isn’t that commitment?

Maybe you’re afraid of losing them, maybe you’re afraid you’ll have to be alone, but guess what, news flash:  how can you lose what you really don’t have.  Look at it like this – if something ever happened to either of you, what would now happen to the things you’ve attained together?

You don’t live forever, and while you’re here, you matter as well be able to operate  in what makes your heart happy.  Now that ‘s not to say that we marry just anyone, but find someone who you can be friends with, someone you have some things in common with.

Set expectations and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Dress to impress you, and if you want to honestly attract someone who will value you, you should actually be worried about what others think.  You’re auditioning for your future, not a video.  Honestly, sometimes we tell ourselves we want things out loud, but inside, we secretly don’t believe it, so that actually supersedes what your mouth is saying, and it shows, even when we’re masking the pain and discontent that we often subconsciously harbor.

We teach others how to treat us by our language, our own expectations, our values, the way we dress and the people we surround ourselves around.

Enlarge Your Territory

Terry D.

The Best Man Holiday


100313-celebs-best-man-cast-ebony-mag-women-men-16x9Okay, the weekend is over, but everyone is still on a Best Man High! Movie Critics, Bloggers, Social Media and Talk Shows alike, are all raving about it! One of the most highly anticipated sequels, The Best Man Holiday was premiered on Friday, November 15, 2013!  This movie is still riding high, and rightfully so… This is one of the few sequels that did not disappoint, because usually we’re over it by the 2nd, and definitely the 3rd sequel! Who would have thought that after 15 years, the next chapter of The Best Man would have SO many flocking to the theaters?

Although it was slated not to do more than $22 million, with low Box Office Estimates, this movie was selling out before it even premiered, as I waited in line, even after arriving 45 minutes early! Usually, when African-Americans are able to play with the “Big Boys,” and gross over $30 Million, there will always be some negative undertones attached by critics, but who cares, because the numbers don’t lie – point-blank!  As I read the reviews, I had to fix my face, because, USA Today deemed it as a Race-Themed Movie.

www.best-man-2-castBefore I go on, I have to first take my hat off to Director, Malcolm D. Lee, and this ALL Star beautiful African-American and Latino Cast of Actresses and Actors – WOW!  It’s so refreshing to see Black Love play out.  The story line didn’t feed us a delusional fairy tale, but it came with the twists and turns that relationships can have, but at the end of the day, it gives couples a look inside compromise, love, hurt, forgiveness, friendship and the importance of having God in your marriage and relationships. There were so many lessons and insight into all the dynamics that make up the institute of love!

The peaks and valleys!  Every time you began to cry, in comes Terrence Howard to make you laugh! The ending to the movie was not expected, but so emotional, and a brilliant move!  The story line carefully guided you, as viewers became more engrossed, wanting more, but sitting on the edge of their seats, with tissue in hand, as we all waited to see what we eventually figured out, but hoped not to be the truth!

Let me tell you, everyone played their role, BUT the two who impressed me the most in this movie were Morris Chestnut, and yes, him being hot and having his shirt off did help, and Monica Calhoun – I am literally bowing to you!  The entire cast left it all on the table, and did their thing!

malcolm_articleThank you Malcolm D. Lee, first, for this AWEsome sequel, and for telling our love stories, that I feel can only be told by those who get it, and understand the dynamics!  Thank you for proving that Black Love does exist; and for allowing us to see ourselves on the big screen, in ways that others fail to appreciate or acknowledge!  Can’t wait to see what’s next…

Terry D.

Pre – The Best Man Holiday!


bestmanThere has been almost an entire year of build up for the sequel of The Best Man Holiday! Talk about marketing! Kudos to Director, Malcolm D. Lee. The Trailers, Cast Interviews, Talk Show Blitz, and the anticipation is finally over! It is in theaters TODAY!

Couples, groups of girlfriends, bloggers, critics, book clubs and others are flocking to the theaters in droves, and pre-ticket sales have skyrocketed! What makes movies like this so magnetic?

WHY?  Because love stories offer hope, and besides, deep down, people still believe in love, and why not? It doesn’t have to be bought, it feels good, and God is love!

I’ll be back later this weekend, with my BLOGGER views on the movie.

Enjoy, and happy viewing!
Stay tuned…

Terry D.

How Did I Survive Life After Heartbreak?


How did I survive life after Heartbreak

I hear my clients say all the time:

  • Maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone
  • I don’t think I can survive another failed relationship
  • At least I have someone
  • What’s wrong with me?

NO NO NO – stop that foolishness

Well, let me tell you:

I dated someone for years that was a compulsive liar, and a repeat offender of cheating.  I continued to forgive him – I know what you’re thinking – who in their right mind would stay with someone like that?  I asked myself the same thing, and thought I would never escape my self doubt and insecurities.  See, it wasn’t him to blame for the madness, it was me for not thinking I could do better, but YES, I survived, and I’m free.  I’m free mentally, physically and emotionally.

I took my power back, and I no longer felt like I had to depend on someone else for my happiness. HA – so guess what?  I win and his loss!

There is life after Heartbreak!

You name it, I’ve been through it, as a lot of us have, but I covered up my insecurities with sex and  loveless relationships!  Judge me if you want, but I feel like someone lifted a mack truck off my heart.  My biggest breakthrough came when I had a complete meltdown in the middle of my bedroom floor.  Crying uncontrollably, and releasing the toxins and stench of deceit.  

After I realized I didn’t love myself enough, I started counseling, I prayed and I finally started confiding in my close friends.  I needed an outlet, and I was no longer going to hold this all in.  To my surprise, there were other women going through, or had been through something similar.

So, for those of you who may be struggling with this same issue, here’s what helped me:

  • I had an accountability partner who I called when I thought I was getting weak
  • I remained in counseling
  • I stayed prayed up

If you don’t seek help, you will continue to repeat and attract the same characteristics in men!

IN BETWEEN THESE STEPS, I CRIED A LOT, SOMETIMES DOUBTED MYSELF & EVEN SLIPPED UP AND CALLED HIM, BUT I DIDN’T GET TOO DOWN ON MYSELF, THAT I COULDN’T RECOVER, GET BACK UP & KEEP IT MOVING…

  • I actually wrote down the things that happened, where it took a turn and why I stayed so long
  • I stayed away from dating until I was healed and able to trust
  • I FORGAVE HIM, AND THEN I FORGAVE MYSELF

Forgiveness was key, but I also had to get to the core of the problem, and why I thought any of this was okay.  Counseling definitely helped me with this, and boy oh boy did I get clarity, and the true healing began…

What was my core problem?  It was the negative seeds mentally planted throughout my life, that I never knew would contribute to my dysfunctional relationship habits.

Terry D.

Would You Consider Online Dating?