It’s not always easy to admit that we enjoy the comfort of a touch.  It’s not always about sex, but just that touch.  When you have been  single for so long, and you finally start dating again, and that first hug, that first kiss, is what makes you exhale, like a sigh of relief.  Almost as if you melt into that person’s arms, and sometimes we do get it confused with the sex, because it’s been such a long time, and one thing leads to another, and there you are, with regrets, because all you really wanted was to feel the touch of that man or woman.  There is no turning back now, because you can’t quite figure out how to explain it to the other person, because you don’t even know how to explain it to yourself, or how you even arrived at this place.

How do you figure this out, without offending the other person?  What if they were in the same place, and didn’t know how to talk to you about it also?  You sort through your words, and you start the conversation, but tread lightly, because it can leave a person feeling used, or it can make them turn to only wanting sex with you.  You can start off by telling them that you really enjoyed the moment you shared, but not sure that you want to have a physical relationship, and that you know from experience, that how you start, is how you finish.  Sure, there are rare occasions, where it doesn’t always end this way, but because you like them, you would like to take a step back, and really get to know them on a different level.  All you can do, is hope that they are on the same page, or at least that they care enough to relate.  This is a touchy conversation, and can go either way.

I’ve learned through some lost relationships and lessons, that if you really want something with someone, you will hold off on having sex.  Yes, I know that sex should be after marriage, but that’s not always the case, so I like to make sure that I’m covering all bases.  See, when you’ve met that special someone, they will be willing to take the scenic route.  That’s not to say that they don’t desire you, but it’s just not the #1 priority.  When you bond with someone on a different level, and you can be friends, laugh with and at one another, share stories that you may have never shared with anyone else and build trust, everything else is a slam dunk.

I’ll share an inside story:  I remember when I was in my early 20’s and I met a gentleman 15 years my senior.  We met, bonded and he showed me the world through his eyes.  It was such an experience and eye opener to life and love; and sex had not even entered into the picture.  We spent almost every night together.  When we finally became intimate, it wasn’t the adrenaline that you’re used to, but it was mind blowing to me, because the bond had already been created, and I’m pretty sure that neither of us could do no wrong.

Take your time to get to know someone, and never think that sex can keep them, because if they’re not into you, it really doesn’t matter how you start or finish, but at least you know you kept your character and values in tact.

Terry D.