African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, starting over

6 Steps to Healthy and HOT Love

January 20, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different. Coach Terry D.

Start with you – Sacrificing time to spend with yourself. (Make this non-negotiable) When you’re clear of frustrations and worrying about your next move, it gives you time to FOCUS on RIGHT now!!! You’re now able to give the necessary attention to your relationship.
Remove distractions and unhealthy people. Three’s a crowd, and unwanted interference does nothing but create dissension, tension and create high levels of unwarranted stress! Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:9 It’s not easy to walk away from unhealthy people or things, but it is very necessary. Until we release dead weight, we don’t always realize how much it has affected the health of our relationships.
Talk to one another, and be present! I know women talk more than men, but take this time to really talk and listen with your heart, and not just your ears. Ladies, that doesn’t mean go on a rant – know when to say, “When!” Sometimes we live with someone, day in and day out, and have no idea what they do or go through everyday. You appreciate your mate more, when you know what they’re dealing with. It changes the way you react to one another, and it makes you be more understanding of their moods – good or bad. Sexting is a great way of communicating with your mate, and will increase their anticipation and urgency to get home to you.
If you want a healthier relationship, and you want to make changes, include your mate! This is a team effort. Your time together doesn’t include phones, social media or television. Reacquaint yourselves. We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different.
Date one another. Don’t take for granted that just because you’ve been together a while, that it’s a slam dunk. Make sure you always remember to greet one another with a kiss. The sizzle will fizzle, if you’re not putting in the work to keep your relationship relevant. Cook together, bathe together, play twister together! (You won’t finish. Thank me later) If you’re not a creative person, Google ideas, but make it happen! Do A Sexy Dance for Him
For the love all things sensual, don’t make sex boring and monotonous. Don’t stop making love, and make it interesting. It’s not always about the position, but the imagination and creativity. Quality over Quantity. Role play, and know when it’s time to make love and when it’s time to GET IT IN! This will take your sex life to the next level, and create a renewed sense of intimacy!

Coach Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Conflict Resolution, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

EXHALE

January 18, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

When do you EXHALE? Do you hold your breath until you find love, or until it finds you? When the experience of love has broken you so many times, you begin to question its legitimacy. You wonder if everyone is lying, because all of your encounters with love have left you feeling undesirable, depleted and nothing like what you’ve been shown or told.

Love is real, but for so many men and women, it feels unattainable. If you question its validity, people question your faith, as if you’re not allowed room for error. To be completely honest, I’ve struggled with love, and what it means to me, and if I would ever experience it in its entirety. When I was in my early 20’s, I never had a problem with cutting off someone, and never looking back, but I attribute that to lust and immaturity. As I got older, I began to experience real love, and it wasn’t as easy to walk away, but eventually after multiple breakups and going more than 12 rounds with the same person, I would let go. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy, because it was not. There are many reasons why some stay longer than others. (i.e. addiction, insecurities) Yes, you can be addicted to a person, or have an addictive personality.

It’s challenging for some to understand how to EXHALE, how to let go and how to make difficult decisions, whether it be to stay or leave through all the BS, without feeling judged! Why? Because they see people not always being honest about their struggles in their own relationships. We live in a society where marriage equals instant happiness, or single after a certain age, means you’re damaged goods, so FOOLS rush in, without all the facts.

We put unnecessary pressures on ourselves, by trying to live up to a distorted view of reality. Relationship Coach, Terry D.

If we’re completely honest, we can admit that we ALL have made some bad choices, but that doesn’t mean we’re not worthy, or that we don’t get a second chance. Yes, we should hold ourselves to higher standards, but not so high, that we don’t forgive ourselves. So the question is not when do you EXHALE, but How do I EXHALE? By letting yourself off the hook, taking a deep breath, and accepting the fact that SHIT happens! Stop worrying about what others think. You have to free your heart up for love. Guess what? You may just make the same mistake again, but you will also now have the previous experience as a reference. Yes, it’s true, we learn from our mistakes, but it may take more than one, BUT don’t allow others to judge you for your choices.

How do you know if you have EXHALED?

You find yourself no longer holding grudges
You don’t keep returning to the scene of the crime (the reason you’re unhappy)
You no longer carry the guilt
You’re able to freely share your story without being angry
You are now considering love again

There’s no formula for love, but the ONE thing you must do is persevere! The moment you give up, or give into your fears, you have allowed the enemy to win. Relationship Coach, Terry D.

Coach Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Interracial Relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

Don’t Believe the Hype – Black Women Are NOT Doomed When It Comes to Marriage

January 12, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

There has been a great deal of stories looming about Black Women and their singleness, or lack of chances to get married. An African-American Author, Ralph Richard Banks wrote a book entitled, Is Marriage for White People? : How the African-American Marriage Decline affects everyone. In this non-fiction book, he writes, “Single is the new black!” He also recommends that African-American women open themselves up to be willing to enter serious relationships with men of other races and backgrounds, and he argues this will improve black men and women alike. Needless to say, the African-American community strongly disagrees, but there are some that would argue this same case. There are statistics out there that say that 42.4 % of African-American Women will not get married, which is from an old US, Census. In 2014 the US Census Bureau cited; 86% of
Black Men have a Black Wife, and 94% Black Women have a Black Husband.

We also have a video circulating, The Myth of the Single Black Female, which gives you an insight into how the media has spread this information for years, and how we as blacks are accepting this as our truth. The disparity in the numbers are alarming. WHO ARE THEY TALKING TO?

It seems to me that the more educated African-American men and women are, the more attractive and accepted they are to other races, even in the case of them not intellectually measuring up themselves. As blacks, we have begun to feed into these fallacies and consider other races as a prize, and the more we attain, the further away we move away from our own men and women. We expect more and place more stipulations on black men and women that we date, than we do on non-blacks. We have to be a certain kind of dresser, we have to look a certain way, our hair has to be a certain way, and even after all these years, we still are battling color lines within our own race. The Light vs. Dark! That is a stigma that goes back to slavery days, where the light were allowed in the house, while the dark had to stay outside.

The problem lies within our own issues within our culture. Our inability to identify what we lack, and that it is not as complicated as others would have us to think. As long as someone can plant a seed of negativity, and make Black Women Believe That It’s Time to Give Up on Black Men is misguided and disrespectful.

None of this is to suggest that there is a problem with interracial relationships in the least bit, but it does raise the question, of why we’re led to believe that within our own community, that we believe it’s okay to mistreat black men and women, or judge them, just because you choose not to be with them. It creates a form of dissension and resentment. Your mother, sister, aunt and not to mention, your daughters are watching and taking notes.

African American Couples who are making it work, despite the statistics and stereotypes:

Jada & Will Smith