December | 2017 | IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D.

IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D.

The Holidays can be tough for singles. This is when you see so much love being exemplified among families and even strangers, but the flip side to that is, it is such a depressing time for singles to watch couples relish in their love.

1. If you’re single, spend time with family and friends, attend holiday parties, go to church functions and keep yourself busy. Try to focus on all the many blessings that you have, instead of what you don’t have. When we keep our focus positive, and not allow idle minds to become the devil’s workshop, the possibilities are endless, and who knows, maybe the “single” life may be a distant memory.

2. Volunteer your time to those less fortunate, because as we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, there is always someone that is worse off than us. This usually puts things in perspective for us. Count your…

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There will be some that will argue the position that it’s almost impossible to transition into your next phase of life without closing the last chapter, and others who will say that closure is absolutely not necessary.

“Not receiving closure is toughest when the breakup is unexpected!”

If you’re in the majority who absolutely require closure, you should definitely allow some time before that conversation takes place, because if it’s too soon, the wounds are still fresh, and you want resolve, not more fighting and blame. When that conversation does take place, you have to earnestly be prepared for their, “Why!” Even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t make it any less valid.

When you’re the person looking for closure, but the other person has moved on, and you want answers, you may never get that expected apology. If you were the one dumped, you are more apt to be the one blaming the other person for the failure of the relationship, but when that conversation takes place, you may find they hold you accountable as well, because they now have nothing to lose, so they’re willing to have a no holds barred dialogue. They may also point out some not so desirable characteristics about you, that should have previously been discussed, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t. Closure helps, because inherently; when you don’t receive the answers you have already disposed, it creates a sense of insecurity, because it makes you question your worth.

It is my opinion that no matter the explanation, it will not be an acceptable one, but it gives you an opportunity to vent, ask questions and express your frustrations. We can’t force anyone to have that conversation with us, and we certainly can’t expect the person that hurt us, to also help heal us. It could be as simple as they’re just not into you. There’s no science to handling heartbreak, but time and forgiveness will aid in your road to healing.

It’s difficult to trust when we don’t get closure, and if that’s the case, give yourself time to heal, and be honest with yourself about what you could have done differently, because after you replay the conversation in your head, and you’ve had an opportunity to calm down, you might find some validity in what was said, and this will help you in your growth for your next relationship.

Terry D.