I am 51 years old, single and I’ve never been married, and somehow that makes me an outcast, an enemy and a societal and cultural statistic and leper!
How many times must I hear?
- Are you high maintenance?
- Is something wrong with you?
- Why are you single?
- Why haven’t you ever been married?
Who set the standards and guidelines of when I’m supposed to be a wife? Am I somehow unhappy, and do I not measure up because of it? I didn’t know that my very existence was defined by my relationship status!
I can admit that it’s not always easy being single, and whether subconscious or not, I do sometimes envy couples! It can be embarrassing and exhausting having to answer questions about my dating life. I have settled before, I have had some amazing relationships and I’ve been the reason some of my relationships ended, because of my own internal demons.
Judge me if you will, but if not for these struggles that have kept me up many nights, and choices that I’m not always proud of, I wouldn’t be able to face or admit my shortcomings. It’s my sincere belief that I have been personally chosen for this journey – Good, bad or indifferent, because it fuels my purpose!
I no longer live in shame of me or my relationship status! I don’t have to be defined by what is expected of me by people who live in their own den of lies. It’s liberating to know that I’m being saved for someone that will love the “WHOLE” Terry! Not some superficial, insecure person trying to fit in!
I will not be responsible for a man not believing in love, because of my insecurities, and my own lack of trust. I will stand BOLD and accept my truth, and continue to defy the odds of any time constraints that have been placed on me. I’m a work in progress that accepts me at any juncture in my life, and while it doesn’t bother me, it’s not my problem if it bothers you!
Terry D
xoxo
If you’re in the majority who absolutely require closure, you should definitely allow some time before that conversation takes place, because if it’s too soon, the wounds are still fresh, and you want resolve, not more fighting and blame. When that conversation does take place, you have to earnestly be prepared for their, “Why!” Even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t make it any less valid.
become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.
the Emmy, we sat on the edge of our seats, not so patiently awaiting Season 2 of This Is Us!
Black Love is not taboo, but it also defies the stereotypes and shifts the trajectory of how we define love and family. This is an emotional story that unfolds, and helps viewers to believe in love again.
story of tragedy and triumph of this not so picture perfect American family, as defined by society, but would teach a family that’s not bound by blood, to love without conditions, and equip them with strength for the unexpected.
As African American women, it’s difficult for some of us to admit that we don’t always love the skin we’re in, but it’s time for us to believe what we know, and not what we’re told and taught. Our young women and generations to come, lives depend on it…
women of other races, let alone, good enough to be a wife! Because of this, we often feel ourselves in survival and “Something to Prove” mode. Even as we contend to prove ourselves, we also find ourselves being the oppressor of one another, and like so many others, we divide ourselves based on socioeconomic backgrounds. This is certainly by design, and not by happenstance.
There are so many great historians, literary giants, authors, teachers, entrepreneurs, doctors etc., whose shoulders we stand on, but the good
thing about history is that it not only repeats itself, but it passes the baton. It’s time to take the next leg of the race. There are women right now TODAY, that are creating shoulders for future generations. These will be names that our children’s children’s children will get bragging rights to; Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Angela Rye, Oprah Winfrey, Tamron Hall, Jamelle Hill, Tamika Mallory, Shonda Rhimes, Misty Copeland, Ava Duvernay, Issa Rae, Taraji P. Henson, Mara Brock Akil, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Serena 
Williams, Anita Hill, Condoleezza Rice, Lupita Nyong’o, Mae Jemison,
Lena Waithe, and that’s the short list.
I will celebrate and name a few that I know personally, or am indirectly connected to: Terry D., Cordelia Lewis, Ni Cole Jean, Melissa Smith-Harper, Lazell Pittman, Veleka Meeks, Gina Lamar, Eden Adele, Jamelia Toya Hand, Tene’ Gray, Cheryl Hand-Jiles, Dr. Shante Holley, Dr. Tiffany Michelle Bellamy, Stacey Emerson, Kristin R. Harris, Sherron 
Turner, Teslyn Butler, Romina Brown, Erika Porter, Tanya Winfield, Yanni Brown, Dr. Ruby Powell, Cameka Smith, Latoya J. Moore, DeAnna Williams, Bonita Maye, Trina Edmunds, Rachel Green, Ariel Simmons, Alice Foy, Dr. Kiarra King, Cynthia Flowers, Shay Mitchell-Gary, Penny Miller, Tonya Biglow, Bridgette Daniels-Thomas, Shiketa Morgan, Valencia Montgomery, Eve Benton, Tammy Brown, Sibyl Holloway, Nicole Howell-Scott, 
Jennifer Ashley, Nykki Rae, SharRon Jamison, Ebony Dixon-Truss, Dawj Sangster, Yasmine Brown, Chrishon Lampley, Shuntella Richardson, Tosh 
Patterson, Larvetta Loftin, Micaela Brown, Amber Johns, Felencia Terrell, Mirion Green, Megan Harper…
On January 19, 2017, I self-published my first book, 
attended events of amazing men, women and organizations, where they shared their journey and helped so many others discover their purpose. I knew I had it in me to do the same, but I allowed fear to cripple me. It was all I could think and talk about, but I made every excuse in the book, to avoid actually acting on my passion. Finally, I just began researching, planning, preparing and executing. I only shared it with a select few, because I didn’t want any reason not to follow through. I had a plan, an agenda and a budget. Searching for venues was not an easy task, but I was all in. I looked and I looked and I looked. Finally, I booked the venue, paid my deposit and just like that, there was no turning back. 
To say the least, it was surreal and rewarding, but not because I finally did it, but because of the real masks that were removed and the lives that were transformed. Men and women alike, shared their unadulterated truth, and it became a domino effect of testimonials. It was an experience indeed, and no one left there the same way they arrived. 
Spirits were renewed, and the attendees left with a sense of purpose and hope – knowing they’re not alone in their journey to wholeness, removing their masks without shame and Living their Truth!
Keynote Speaker for the “Unapologetically Me” Women’s Luncheon, hosted by Nikita Legrone of Exclusive Extraordinary Events.
obligations. I am the very proud Mom of my mini me. It was planning time for my daughter’s Prom and Graduation. I did not plan much during these months, because she 
deserved all of my uninterrupted and full attention. Such proud moments that you can never get back, have to be your priority. I enjoyed every moment of watching her come into her own over the years, and the reward of watching her get transformed into a princess for Prom is indescribable. The pride of 
watching your daughter who the doctors said wouldn’t make it to see the age of 18, had me up plenty of nights in this season, with tear stained pillows of joy and gratitude for God’s mercy!
I’m still recovering from the Prom and Graduation festivities, but she’s over it and me by now. I guess it’s back to business as usual. This is not the time to chill. I have the remainder of my year accounted for and planned. I’m now planning for 2018. I’ve done some photo shoots to plan for upcoming promotions and doing my due diligence for upcoming opportunities. After all of that, I do
take time to pour back into me. It’s a continued struggle to have work-life balance, but it’s necessary for your sanity, and not to become overwhelmed. I have to make some me/we time, and 
ensure I’m not taking my daughter for granted…
IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D. 