CHARACTER – It’s what we do when no one is watching…
🎼As we lay, we forgot about tomorrow as we lay
As we lay, didn’t think about the price we had to pay…🎼
The many Affirmations about Being Single, but all the while, there’s an ex or someone that has an open invitation to your vajayjay. One midnight call, and you’re showering, removing the bonnet, brushing your teeth, spraying on that smell good and sliding on your sexiest thongs.
We all have read the social media status of someone claiming to be:
- Single & Saved
- Single & Content
- Single Does Not Equal Lonely
- Single but NOT Settling
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women that are happily single, but on the flip side, there are some that are creeping, and others who don’t consider themselves single, because they have a piece of a man, and will speak of him in terms of “Boo” or “Bae.” You can blame him for participating all day long, but you always have a choice. You’re only responsible for your own actions.
How long will you question why you’re single, before you begin to accept the part you play in your relationship status? Will you keep saying there are no good men; while you contribute to increasing that number, by letting him slip and dip with you in the wee hours of the night, before he returns home to his woman/wife? Will you hide behind the excuse of his woman being stupid for allowing him to do it, or will you just keep lying to yourself, by saying that this actually works for you, because you don’t want a committed relationship? If we’re completely honest with ourselves, no one wants to share, but because of societal and even family pressure, it feels easier to pretend, than to actually face our own naked truth. It’s easier to complain and blame, instead of acceptance and accountability.
You’ll even hear women dog and judge other women, because it throws off the scent off their own stench of deception. Anything done in the dark comes to light, and you definitely reap what you sow.
One thing about them tables, they always turn…
It a vicious cycle that doesn’t always bear the truth, and sometimes the lie begins to feel like the truth, but the caveat to this is, it’s an accepted mentality of not being able to do any better. We can label this behavior, but there are years of insecurities that are associated with it, years of failed relationships that beat down a person’s sense of worth, and it could simply be a mindset of revenge for it happening to them, or it’s a learned behavior from childhood, because it was flaunted as a badge of honor.
No matter how brave someone pretends to be, when the smoke clears, and they’re all alone, there’s a deep sense of loneliness and regret. “This is the last time.” “Next time, I will not answer the phone.” That’s the danger of not having an accountability partner/friend/coach that you can trust, even when the picture is not pretty. They’re not there to judge, they’re there to help you past the hump and make better choices. This is not a process to brave on your own. You need a “Straight No Chaser” friend.
Don’t allow this behavior to become the measure of your fate. We all have the propensity to change, and it comes with faith, forgiveness of self, time and a change of scenery.
Terry D.
If you’re in the majority who absolutely require closure, you should definitely allow some time before that conversation takes place, because if it’s too soon, the wounds are still fresh, and you want resolve, not more fighting and blame. When that conversation does take place, you have to earnestly be prepared for their, “Why!” Even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t make it any less valid.
We often ask ourselves so many questions as to why we’re single? Why we keep entering into bad relationships? What is it about me that keeps attracting the same men/women? What or who is the common thread? Y – O – UUUUUUU! Are you accountable for you and your actions/choices? Women like to believe that it’s because there are no good men. Maybe there are some men that don’t want a monogamous relationship, but those are the men that you stay away from. Instead, we continue to entertain them, and wonder why our relationships fail. Men think that some women are after their money. Well, if you don’t want that, stop flexing like you’re a baller, and get mad when thirsty women flock to you.
and actually living it is a different story. You’re changed and taking no prisoners, right? Sometimes, we have to take inventory of ourselves, and not others. If there are still pieces of you that haven’t let go of the OLD you, for fear of not being attractive; you’ll still be attractive, and you will also stop attracting the same kinds of people. You can’t live an inward lie, and walk around trying to fool the public. It’s like telling people you’re celibate, but that’s only because you don’t have anyone. The real test comes when you are in a relationship, and you still stick to your commitment of celibacy.
IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D. 