Category Archives: Disputes

Love and Single Parenting


Our relationships we develop with our children can determine the relationships they not only build with their own children, but with their significant others.  http://www.naturalchild.org/sidney_craig/feelings.html

I know we are adults, and proclaim the right to our own decision-making when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, but it is our parental duty to make sure we are providing our children with the best possible examples and the necessary tools to be productive adults that carry a heart of love and not resentment.  While we can’t predict whether they will make sound decisions or not, we have fulfilled our God-given duty to Train them up.  Proverbs 22:6 There are fine lines that exist when you are involved in romantic relationships as parents.  If you plan on spending a significant amount of time with someone, you have to be assured that they are a good fit for you, as well as your children. 

An unhealthy relationship can be an emotional benefactor in the way he/she will view and behave in the relationships they develop.  http://www.bizymoms.com/parenting/relationship-with-opposite-sex.htmlOur

  • Having sex with them in the next room:  If you think your children don’t know what’s going on, you are sadly mistaken.  If it’s your choice to have sex in your home, please make sure your children aren’t home.  Closing the door and telling him/her to be quiet is not a choice.  We can’t expect to flaunt open sexual relationships in front of our children and then expect them not to explore their own sexual curiosities, or tell them to wait until they’re married, if we’re not leading by example.
  • Ignoring them for our New found Love:  New love can be a beautiful thing for us, but a nightmare for our children, who now feel left out.  There has to be a balance between the two, and your new love has to understand. You can’t allow your relationship with him/her to interfere with your children, nor can you make them feel like they’re not included in your activities with the two of you. 

Our consciousness of healthy relationships have to be raised to higher standards, because our decisions have a domino effect.  Our children are observing and absorbing our unhealthy behaviors…

-Terry D.

Ping Pong Love Jones – Part 1


You go back, back & forth & forth with the Ping Pong Love Jones!  Why do we insist on going back for more?  We know the relationship is over, and it meant us no good, but we get that 4a.m. phone call at that vulnerable moment, and bam, before you know it, you are sleeping with the enemy again.  We know our mama told us there ain’t nothing open after midnight but legs and 7-eleven.  At first we reason with ourselves and justify every reason why we picked up that phone, but in the end, we may not want to admit it to others, but none of them really made any sense.  It doesn’t take us long to realize why they’re our ex in the first place, but can’t’ seem to resist the temptation of that “one last” good-bye.  That last good-bye turns into a series of many lasts.  We actually begin convincing ourselves that maybe it wasn’t so bad in the first place, but knowing all along nothing could be further from the truth.  In all actuality, we’re just postponing the inevitable and digging a deeper hole.  It all seems harmless, because he certainly has to love me if he wants me back, but we quickly realize the phone calls only seem to come in the middle of the night and there are no real dates involved this time around; only booty calls and the calls to set up the next booty call. 

While we know we have no business being back in this toxic relationship, our hearts and minds just can’t seem to align.  Hoping and Praying  that it will be better this time around, but it’s not.  Before long, we are crying ourselves to sleep, questioning our worth, wondering if we will ever find someone else or even if we deserve it.  So, before we decide this time that it is really over, we want to talk to them, just to make sure we aren’t making a mistake and then the dreaded conversation takes a turn that we may have expected, but certainly didn’t want to hear.  “I thought we were just having a little fun.”  We begin judging ourselves harshly because, how can I allow this to happen yet again?        

After we hang up the phone and cry, think about all the what if’s, and wish the worst possible things on earth would happen to this person, we fall asleep and wake up wishing it was all a dream and try to put the pieces of our hearts back together.

-Terry D.

The Mis-Education of the Single Ladies (20 Questions…)


  1. Why do we as single ladies feel we must pimp ourselves out in order to get and/or keep a man? 
  2. Why do we accept less than what we want just to have a man?  (Settling)
  3. Why do you accept flirting from men when they’re with their woman, and think she’s dumb for letting it happen? 
  4. Why do we lie about the status of our relationship in order to save face? 
  5. Who told you it was a crime to be single? 
  6. Who told you it is okay to accept cheating, as long as he’s taking care of home? 
  7. Why do you stay so long without any promise of marriage? 
  8. Why do you think he loves you, just because you’re having sex on a regular? 
  9. Why are we having sex before marriage?
  10. Why do you think its okay to sleep with someone else’s husband? 
  11. Why do you think you’re the one who’s going to change him?   
  12. Why do you want him to have everything on point, and you don’t?
  13. Why do we think we’re not worth more?
  14. Why do we think all men are dogs, and think we’re going to attract a good one?
  15. Why do we think, “How did she get a man, and I don’t have one?”
  16. Why are we so afraid to be alone?
  17. Why don’t we accept we could be the reason we’re single?
  18. Why is it so hard to move on from bad relationships?
  19. Why don’t we make ourselves available?
  20. Why does being single make us desperate?

-Terry D.

Pick your Battles


Why do we insist on creating unnecessary strife, both consciously and subconsciously?  We need to pick our battles, because every situation does not warrant an argument or screaming match.  Most of our aggressive behavior toward resolution comes from how we saw others in our families or those closest to us resolve disputes.  We have to choose which path we will take in order to maintain the peace, as well as our sanity.  They say, “That sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  I completely disagree, because words can cut like a two edge sword.   Sometimes it’s like an out-of-body experience that takes over and we begin shooting below the belt, and these are things that we can’t take back no matter how hard we try. 

After we retire to our separate corners and think about all that has transpired, we replay each horrific word that was exchanged and a sense of regret comes over us, wishing we could have a do over.  The sad part about it is, each time we go through this, we know what the end result will be, but can’t seem to control our erratic emotions. 

More than not, the arguments stem from something that has nothing to do with him/her, but as simple as having a bad day at work, or someone else has made you upset for the day, but we bring all this excess baggage home with us.  If these are things that you have identified as triggers, you can make the decision to take some quiet time to yourself until you have calmed down.  This way, you can discuss what made you upset, and your mate can offer solace and not feel like they’re being attacked.  He/She is not the enemy! 

The simple things we argue about:

  • The infamous toilet seat
  • Dinner choices
  • Temperature of  the house
  • What to watch on television

The first thing you must do is sit down and calmly discuss the reasons for the disputes and find a better way to discuss them without flaring tempers.  As mature adults, you have to make the decision of what’s more important, you winning or your relationship.  The core reason why the argument continues is because we want to have the last word.  If you feel you are not able to resolve your disputes without it escalating, it’s time to get some professional help and get to the root of the real problem.  You will find that the disputes usually stem from something deeper than what’s on the surface.

Pick your battles and learn to walk away.  It’s perfectly okay to apologize, even if you feel you were right!  Compromise and humility goes a long way!

-Terry D.