Category Archives: Dreams and Visions

Black Girl Magic, Conflict Resolution, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Love and Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships

What are We Learning From Taraji, Viola, Janelle and Octavia?

January 31, 2017 Terry D. 1 Comment

First, I have to take a deep breath, and wipe away the tears of joy and pride! Not just for history unfolding before our eyes, but also for their commitment and passion to channel sisterhood.

Am I the only one who is caught up in this world wind of Black Girl Magic playing out on the screen, and holding my breath waiting to hear their names called for an award for their outstanding performances, because acknowledgment of our performances has not always been the case, but it’s now happening more frequently than not. While we have a long way to go, we’ve made some amazing strides on the big screen.

So what happened?

These women collaborated and celebrated one another – unapologetically!

They figured out the influence of collaboration and the power of leveraging their platform and voice to maximize the moment. Taraji’s acceptance speech at SAG Awards for Hidden Figures

They didn’t wait for permission, or feel slighted when the other woman won! They knew that every win was a win for us all!

They figured out that they could definitely accomplish more together, and it would yield them all an opportunity to create and be a part of black and all history.

They didn’t accept practices of the past, but instead, they’re breaking the glass ceilings of the term: #oscarssowhite!

This is NOT a season or a trend. They’re putting in the work, raising awareness and eyebrows and creating an expectation. Showing that we can win in more categories than just the stereotypical. We can win without you just throwing us a bone, and we’re not going anywhere anytime soon! “If you don’t see what you want, create it!” Unknown

So, what can we learn as black women entrepreneurs? What can we learn as blacks in media? What can we learn as black women, PERIOD?

Be accountable and responsible with your platform!

Taraji COLLABORATION speech

COLLABORATION is not a sin! We can get so much more accomplished together, and there’s enough for ALL of us! We celebrate them, but won’t celebrate the very women we know and see hustling everyday. We don’t have to always physically collaborate, but at least get “yo” Taraji clap on! Taraji clapping for Viola

Taraji’s spirit is infectious! She makes you want to be a better you! These women get why our ancestors worked together!

Our insecurities come from fear, not hatred, or not even that we think someone is better, but it’s the fear that has been taught, because of the handouts that were singular and few and far between, so you have women clawing their way to the top, and stepping on others on their way up! Gabrielle Union admits why she used to be less than sisterly, and being a mean girl during an acceptance speech.

2Timothy 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

We have to learn to clap when it’s not our turn. Cheer when she wins! Support when your name isn’t called.

As believers, but we must put our faith where our mouth and heart is, and believe the word of God! These women have put a tangible mandate before us, and we have a responsibility to continue to pass the baton!

Proverbs 18:16 A man’s gift maketh room for him, and brings him before great men!

Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Men, Single Mothers, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

I’m NOT Perfect, but I’m Authentically and Unapologetically ME

April 14, 2016 Terry D. 8 Comments

Nope, I’m not perfect, but I am authentically ME!

I’ve made so many mistakes in love, life and relationships. I used to regret my choices, but every single experience was a lesson that shaped me to be ME! We get so hung up on our past, our mistakes, what others think of us and we don’t forgive ourselves. God never said that weapons wouldn’t form, He just said they would not prosper. My purpose is to help others discover their purpose, and to be a tool in their healing and restoration!

I used to think I wasn’t worthy of someone loving me, because I hadn’t learned my worth, and I didn’t know how to love myself. I have constantly been judged for my choices, but I had to learn not to internalize it. It’s easier for others to judge you, and honestly, that’s their problem.

I openly share my life, love and relationship mistakes, because I had to learn not to be ashamed or a victim. We all make mistakes, but we all deserve second chances.

When I ended up homeless, I couldn’t understand why?!?!?!?
When I stayed in a relationship for almost 14 years, on and off, knowing it wasn’t healthy, I questioned my sanity and worth
When I found myself in a pool of blood with a slit wrist, I thought it was over for me

In every single circumstance that I just listed above, came some great lessons and blessings! Sounds crazy, right?

I wrote a proposal to my church for a clothing closet to assist women in shelters, because I was once a recipient, and I wanted to give back, and teach those women that your circumstances don’t define your fate or YOU!

That relationship almost broke me. I didn’t trust anyone, but I also didn’t give up on love. I didn’t stop believing in good men, but most importantly, I am now helping others in their journey, and I’m able to share How I Survived!

In the blink of an eye, I saw myself possibly being taken out. I had to make a decision to change my life, or lose it. I watched my two children look at me with tears in their eyes, as I was carried out on a stretcher with tubes everywhere, with my hands restrained, so that I wouldn’t hurt myself, and it was in that moment that I knew I had a greater purpose, and that my life was not my own! I had to pick up the pieces and start being accountable.

To say the least, none of this was pleasant, but I’ve learned to appreciate that God’s plans are not my plans. I won’t apologize, because I’m me, and I continue to learn and grow.

Don’t allow others to hold your past over you. It was just a test run…

Terry D.

Blogging, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Journeys, Love and Relationships

Relationships Evolve, Enlighten & Equip

March 21, 2016 Terry D. 2 Comments

Some of the relationships that I’ve built over the years, have both helped and hurt me. Some of them have evolved, and others I know I have to let go, which is not always easy. We have to learn that some relationships are just for a season, but equip us for future lessons. I told myself in 2015 that I would go hard in 2016. I don’t make resolutions, but I knew that I had to make some changes in the new year if I was going to walk in my purpose. I activated my faith, closed my eyes and ears to the naysayers, and started planning. I began repurposing and rebranding. I’m sure I’ll still make mistakes, but I took action.

We’re only 3 months into the new year, and I’ve been hired for 3 speaking engagements, and I held my 1st event, Relationship Workshop for Single Ladies in March. I don’t say this to brag, but as a testament to activating my faith. As I prepared for my 1st speaking event on dnme Sunday, March 20 for the DivorceN’Me Women’s Conference, with CEO and Life Coach, Deanna Williams, I was a ball of energy and nerves, all rolled into one. I got in a still place and meditated and prayed that someone would receive what they needed. As I stood on the stage, and stared into an audience of strangers, with no familiar faces, it made me very sad. I thought to myself, “Where are my friends?” All kinds of negative thoughts ran through my mind, but the show must still go on. Before it was my time to speak, I was in the restroom, and a young lady said, “You’re Terry D right?” I said, “Yes.” She said she recognized me from my Bio. She went on to tell me that I was as beautiful in person as I was on paper. She also began to speak into my life.

As I was sharing “My Truth,” I saw the looks on the faces of the audience, I watched the souls tears flow from some, I received several standing ovations and words of affirmation. My goal was to inspire someone to restore their hope in love, and to forgive. I felt God’s spirit, and I heard a voice say, “It was never about you, or those who weren’t there, but about doing exactly what you said you wanted to do.”

I was so wrapped up in who wasn’t there to support me, that I almost missed my blessing and the lesson! He put the people there that I needed, and that needed me. Before I left there, I was asked for my autograph, and I was asked to speak at 3 other events. I built relationships and learned lessons of my own. I walked away with testimonies from single and married women.

“Girl, you were speaking to me!”

“Thank you for sharing your testimony.”

“God has his hands on you.”

“I just made up my mind that I will no longer allow myself to be used for sex.”

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, starting over

6 Steps to Healthy and HOT Love

January 20, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different. Coach Terry D.

Start with you – Sacrificing time to spend with yourself. (Make this non-negotiable) When you’re clear of frustrations and worrying about your next move, it gives you time to FOCUS on RIGHT now!!! You’re now able to give the necessary attention to your relationship.
Remove distractions and unhealthy people. Three’s a crowd, and unwanted interference does nothing but create dissension, tension and create high levels of unwarranted stress! Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:9 It’s not easy to walk away from unhealthy people or things, but it is very necessary. Until we release dead weight, we don’t always realize how much it has affected the health of our relationships.
Talk to one another, and be present! I know women talk more than men, but take this time to really talk and listen with your heart, and not just your ears. Ladies, that doesn’t mean go on a rant – know when to say, “When!” Sometimes we live with someone, day in and day out, and have no idea what they do or go through everyday. You appreciate your mate more, when you know what they’re dealing with. It changes the way you react to one another, and it makes you be more understanding of their moods – good or bad. Sexting is a great way of communicating with your mate, and will increase their anticipation and urgency to get home to you.
If you want a healthier relationship, and you want to make changes, include your mate! This is a team effort. Your time together doesn’t include phones, social media or television. Reacquaint yourselves. We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different.
Date one another. Don’t take for granted that just because you’ve been together a while, that it’s a slam dunk. Make sure you always remember to greet one another with a kiss. The sizzle will fizzle, if you’re not putting in the work to keep your relationship relevant. Cook together, bathe together, play twister together! (You won’t finish. Thank me later) If you’re not a creative person, Google ideas, but make it happen! Do A Sexy Dance for Him
For the love all things sensual, don’t make sex boring and monotonous. Don’t stop making love, and make it interesting. It’s not always about the position, but the imagination and creativity. Quality over Quantity. Role play, and know when it’s time to make love and when it’s time to GET IT IN! This will take your sex life to the next level, and create a renewed sense of intimacy!

Coach Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Conflict Resolution, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

EXHALE

January 18, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

When do you EXHALE? Do you hold your breath until you find love, or until it finds you? When the experience of love has broken you so many times, you begin to question its legitimacy. You wonder if everyone is lying, because all of your encounters with love have left you feeling undesirable, depleted and nothing like what you’ve been shown or told.

Love is real, but for so many men and women, it feels unattainable. If you question its validity, people question your faith, as if you’re not allowed room for error. To be completely honest, I’ve struggled with love, and what it means to me, and if I would ever experience it in its entirety. When I was in my early 20’s, I never had a problem with cutting off someone, and never looking back, but I attribute that to lust and immaturity. As I got older, I began to experience real love, and it wasn’t as easy to walk away, but eventually after multiple breakups and going more than 12 rounds with the same person, I would let go. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy, because it was not. There are many reasons why some stay longer than others. (i.e. addiction, insecurities) Yes, you can be addicted to a person, or have an addictive personality.

It’s challenging for some to understand how to EXHALE, how to let go and how to make difficult decisions, whether it be to stay or leave through all the BS, without feeling judged! Why? Because they see people not always being honest about their struggles in their own relationships. We live in a society where marriage equals instant happiness, or single after a certain age, means you’re damaged goods, so FOOLS rush in, without all the facts.

We put unnecessary pressures on ourselves, by trying to live up to a distorted view of reality. Relationship Coach, Terry D.

If we’re completely honest, we can admit that we ALL have made some bad choices, but that doesn’t mean we’re not worthy, or that we don’t get a second chance. Yes, we should hold ourselves to higher standards, but not so high, that we don’t forgive ourselves. So the question is not when do you EXHALE, but How do I EXHALE? By letting yourself off the hook, taking a deep breath, and accepting the fact that SHIT happens! Stop worrying about what others think. You have to free your heart up for love. Guess what? You may just make the same mistake again, but you will also now have the previous experience as a reference. Yes, it’s true, we learn from our mistakes, but it may take more than one, BUT don’t allow others to judge you for your choices.

How do you know if you have EXHALED?

You find yourself no longer holding grudges
You don’t keep returning to the scene of the crime (the reason you’re unhappy)
You no longer carry the guilt
You’re able to freely share your story without being angry
You are now considering love again

There’s no formula for love, but the ONE thing you must do is persevere! The moment you give up, or give into your fears, you have allowed the enemy to win. Relationship Coach, Terry D.

Coach Terry D.

Blogging, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Single Ladies, Singles

It’s a Process, but It’s YOUR Journey

April 30, 2015 Terry D. Leave a comment

Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

He Didn’t Lie to You – You Chose Not to Listen

April 20, 2015 Terry D. Leave a comment

Nope, he didn’t lie, but what you heard, and what you thought you would change, are two different things! Don’t set yourself up for failure! People will tell you the truth several times, in several different ways, exactly who they are, and what they want, but we don’t take it at face value, because they continue to hang out with us, because they know their intentions, and just might not care enough to protect yours. People feel like, if they tell you their intentions, and you stay, you’re good with it.

People change when they’re ready, and for the person who inspires them to. It has nothing to do with you, because regardless of all our efforts to try and make this person see how amazing you are, or how good you can be together, it has to be reciprocated and felt from both ends.

One thing I’ve learned to be a fact is, men and women don’t have to spend an inordinate amount of time together, to evaluate what they want. Women almost know from the first date, if she’s going to sleep with you, and he knows if he values you enough to make you a priority and his only! There aren’t really any gray areas there. Now of course, we continue to grow together and our feelings change, we become more involved, but if we’re completely honest, sometimes you’re just a filler; and its up to you to decide if you’re okay with that…

Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

Being Mary Jane – Seasons

March 4, 2015 Terry D. 2 Comments

Yes, in the first season, Mary Jane dated a married man, she slept around, and although in this season; she may still be wrestling and grappling to gain some sense of relationship normalcy, she is still at a crossroad. Let’s not judge, because we all have been there, going through it, or may even be on our way there; or at best, we can say that we’ve had some major relationship deficiencies, at one time or another. So many everyday women, like you and me, not only identify with her, but also have our own demons that keep our hearts hostage to pain and heartbreak!!! We almost begin to believe this is “Our normal!” Mary Jane’s myriad of spiraling emotions are nothing short of what most black women endure in relationships! All we need is a glimpse of hope, and it will keep us emotionally bound and gagged, but it’s that fight that keeps us going, and that same fight makes us lie to all those involved, including ourselves. It is, however, very difficult to keep up the deception, before someone begins to witness us unravel before their very eyes! All of Mary Jane Paul’s relationships seem to border on some form of being dysfunctional. She is the glue that keeps her family together, she has a friend that resents her, therefor; her refuge is sex and alcohol. She feels safe when she has a moment that she is not juggling so many balls in the air, because no one expects that she should ever show any signs of weakness. Does she want more than sex? Absolutely, and so do so many women, but somehow, it all gets lost in the translation of life, what we mistake for love and mediocrity begins to become acceptable. Even in the roughest of times, Mary Jane finds a way to keep her head on straight, long enough to begin saying no to things that aren’t serving her. What keeps us hanging on is addiction – it’s not always love. We can truly become addicted to a person, and like any other addiction, we need HELP to kick the habit! We can’t let go, because we reminisce on what could have been… We don’t delete the text messages, we look at old pics and we insist on closure, just so that we can have an excuse to hold onto false hope. Mary Jane Paul is making decisions that she doesn’t realize are controlled by emotional disparity, and not because of a biological clock, but it’s all a smoke screen that would otherwise force her to face the truth. It’s not an overnight or one size fit all solution. It’s a matter of acknowledgment, accountability and the courage to forgive ourselves and to learn to simply say, “NO!” Soooo, What’s next… Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

These Are My Confessions

February 3, 2015 Terry D. 3 Comments

How many of us are willing to admit that the failure of love has kept us up at night, or caused us to even cry ourselves to sleep? I have loved and lost, and even swore off love, but then I find myself right back in the trenches of wanting to share my heart with someone else, but often feeling trapped from the fear of losing it again. We’re told that we should love ourselves enough to not allow someone else not to, but it’s not always so easy now is it? We don’t always feel comfortable confessing that we don’t always want to be so strong, but instead, we want to feel sorry for ourselves, just for a moment. Even though it doesn’t solve anything, it’s a temporary satisfaction that helps for now…

In my journey, I find myself meeting others that are ready to explode, because they walk around for years, with bottled up lies of how they really feel when they broke up with someone, afraid to admit that they stayed longer than they should have, or that they even think about getting back with someone that might not be good for them, or maybe have even done it, but feel ashamed to admit this, and is emotionally isolated in their actions, because of their fear of judgment. Some of our behaviors are subconscious, but it will take someone that can identify with you, and be able to accept you for you.

It’s not that we’re not capable of loving ourselves; we just really have to be honest, and accept that we are NOT perfect, and we will not live up to all the pressures that are placed upon us. So damn what if you slip up. You won’t be the first or last. Here’s the thing – the only reason we’re afraid to share our relationship botches, is because the other people you’re talking to, are not always telling you the whole truth either, and we think we’re in this alone, and let’s be honest, people feel better, if it’s not them failing. Sometimes we feel like a loser, when we tell “Our TRUTH!”

Love is not exact, and you may screw it up more than once, and yes you have to learn to love you, but you have to figure out how to do that, and as long as you’re honest with yourself, you will feel less worried about pleasing others, and get back to the business of navigating your own missteps and letting yourself off the hook when it doesn’t go exactly as planned. It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to learn to meet others and yourself exactly where you are right now!

In the words of Usher, “These are my confessions.”

Terry D.

Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

Loving Me, Ain’t Always Been Easy

January 7, 2015 Terry D. 5 Comments

Yes, it’s true, loving Me, has not always been easy! I faked my happiness, because I wanted what everyone else told me I was supposed to have, what others may have been pretending to have and what society tells us, we’re incomplete without. Hell, for that matter, I was told that I would never find love by people who loved me, because I either didn’t look the part, or it just would never happen for me. This journey to loving me, has taught me some painful, but valuable lessons. You see, we think we love ourselves, based on shallow and superficial things, but that’s just a mask of deception, that helps us shield ourselves from the truth. If we check our records of love, we can trace a lineage of heartache, that we kept accepting, because it served its purpose at that time. Some we attracted, simply because we needed to feel a semblance of something that mimicked love.

It really is true that hurt people, hurt people. While on your search for love, you attract people who aren’t whole either, and you BOTH hurt one another. We convince ourselves that this person loves us, because our common thread is so familiar, but definitely not healthy.

When I discovered I didn’t love me, I sat in the middle of the floor, and cried for hours. That’s when my journey to discovery of real love began – how to love me, and STOP looking for others to do it for me. Nope, it didn’t magically just happen, but I was more aware of my actions, and what I allowed.

TODAY, I couldn’t be more comfortable with me, and whether it be personal or otherwise, the people and things that attach to me, has to be healthy and of service to my well being. If not, I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes, and I’m able to either help them on their journey, or know when to say, “WHEN!”

When I am asked questions from my clients, or just those who are on their own self discovery love journey, I listen with an open mind and heart, because this is a familiar road that is not easy, and definitely shouldn’t be judged. However, I am honest.

It’s so amazing how open I am to love, although it was the single most difficult thing to trust for years upon years. I still struggle a little, but my faith keeps me, and I see God working through me. I’ve had some near misses, but now it seems that love keeps finding me in every area of my life, and it feels so damn good!

It may not have been easy, but it has actually been worth it, because it was my journey to take… In the words of a woman I admire so very much, my literary giant, “Maya Angelou,” I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now!

Terry D.