Category Archives: Dreams and Visions

Love, Being Single & The Holidays


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The Holidays can be tough for singles.  This is when you see so much love being exemplified among families and even strangers, but the flip side to that is, it is such a depressing time for singles to watch couples relish in their love.

 

1.  If you’re single, spend time with family and friends, attend holiday parties, go to church functions and keep yourself busy.  Try to focus on all the many blessings that you have, instead of what you don’t have.  When we keep our focus positive, and not allow idle minds to become the devil’s workshop, the possibilities are endless, and who knows, maybe the “single” life may be a distant memory.

 2.  Volunteer your time to those less fortunate, because as we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, there is always someone that is worse off than us.  This usually puts things in perspective for us.  Count your blessings…

3.  I don’t suggest listening to sad music, or watching sad movies.  As much as Christmas music and movies can be very heartwarming, they can also be just as depressing, and way too self-reflective on our failed relationships. Songs like, “What do the lonely do at Christmas,” just adds fuel to the fire.  I love Christmas movies, but they can offer unrealistic offerings that just further piss you off.

4.  What usually helps me is, journaling.  No matter how bad it seems, when I can compare and reflect on where I was a year ago, I’m always grateful for my blessings and progression.

5.  Last, but not least – OKAY, this is thinking outside the box, but I suggest googling singles groups in your area, because you are never as alone as you think you are.  In order to get things you’ve never had, you’ve got to be willing to do things you’ve never done!

REMEMBER THAT FORGIVENESS IS YOUR FREEDOM TO RELEASING YOUR FEAR AND SECURING YOUR FUTURE!

NOW, let’s get started to a happier and healthier holiday season!  Even if you feel sad for a moment, just remember, it won’t last forever, and that your future is so much brighter than your past!

Terry D.

How to Build Better Relationships – JetMag.com


Please check out my article, How to Build Better Relationships in The Jet Magazine.  Relationships, whether it be personal or professional, can be parallel in their dynamics.  Want to read more on how, follow the link below, and check it out.  Please rate, share and comment!

  • What Are You Bringing To The Table?
  • Effective Communication
  • Mutual Respect
  • How to Sustain the Relationship

How to Build Better Relationships – JetMag.com.

Terry D.

Are We Grooming Our Black Sons & Daughters For Marriage?


familyAs a culture,  we don’t groom our children for family and marriage. Just because marriage may not have worked out for you, or you never walked down the aisle, doesn’t mean you taint the views of marriage to your children. We should always want more for them, than we had/have.

Things we shouldn’t be saying to them:
1. All men are dogs (Lack of Trust)
2. Make sure you get paid first (Soft Prostitution)
3. Women will use you (Lack of trust)
4. You’re a player, don’t get trapped by one woman (Womanizer)
5. Keep her in her place (Promotes abuse)

Our habits, good or bad, are mimicked  by our offsprings, and if they see us as women, disrespecting the man in the house, it teaches our daughters not to respect her husband,  and our sons to either be doormats or even abusive, because of resentment.  We don’t like to use the word roles, until it applies to the heavy lifting responsibilities,  like certain chores or finances.  I like being a lady, I like feeling safe, I like handing over certain things to him, I like him walking on the outside  of me, opening my door. See that’s his “Role.”  Yes, there is a surge of single parents, so it becomes second nature to just do things for yourself.   It’s not a sign of weakness, if you relinquish carrying  out the garbage, or changing a lock.  It does take some getting used to.  These are all the dysfunctional behaviors we subconsciously  teach ourselves and our children, and before you know it, your daughter is saying, “I don’t need a man to take care of me.”  In all reality, it feels good to have the option, but when all you’ve seen is Mama doing it for herself, it just seems natural to adopt the same feelings.  I talk a lot about generational curses, because it’s the very thing that is tearing the black family apart.

Groom your son for marriage. Don’t teach him to be a player, by telling him at the age of 2, that he’s a pimp, he will be a heart breaker and all the girls are going to love him.  Planting seeds of womanizing is dangerous.  If you’re a man who likes  a lot of women,  and you flaunt this in front of both your daughter and son, she will think it’s okay for a man to cheat, and your son will admire your slick ways, and soon mirror them.

Ladies, please stop bringing every Tom, Dick and Harry around your children.  Especially  your daughter.  We can teach our daughters to respect themselves, by how we dress and how we conduct ourselves. Stop looking for a man to pay you for sex. Yes, I said it, because it’s nothing short of hoeing yourself out.  Do you wonder why your daughter is now giving it up for a $25 fill in?  She felt obligated,  because it’s what she’s been taught.

Be the change agent and role model for your children.  Teach them to respect the opposite sex.  talk to them straight up about sex and respecting not only their bodies, but others as well.  They need to know that NO means NO.  Abstinence is not “The SIN!”

The not so funny piece to the puzzle is, when we see our children behaving in disrespectful ways like us,  we are now angry and ready to beat them down.  When the truth is,  they learned it from YOU!

Dysfunctional behaviors are created well before they’re teens, and will follow them into their adult lives.  It’s easy to create them, but like hell to break and redirect. We do have the power to instill positive and strong influence within them.  We have to take our families back!

Terry D.

The Comfort of a Touch


It’s not always easy to admit that we enjoy the comfort of a touch. intimacy It’s not always about sex, but just that touch.  When you have been  single for so long, and you finally start dating again, and that first hug, that first kiss, is what makes you exhale, like a sigh of relief.  Almost as if you melt into that person’s arms, and sometimes we do get it confused with the sex, because it’s been such a long time, and one thing leads to another, and there you are, with regrets, because all you really wanted was to feel the touch of that man or woman.  There is no turning back now, because you can’t quite figure out how to explain it to the other person, because you don’t even know how to explain it to yourself, or how you even arrived at this place.

How do you figure this out, without offending the other person?  What if they were in the same place, and didn’t know how to talk to you about it also?  You sort through your words, and you start the conversation, but tread lightly, because it can leave a person feeling used, or it can make them turn to only wanting sex with you.  You can start off by telling them that you really enjoyed the moment you shared, but not sure that you want to have a physical relationship, and that you know from experience, that how you start, is how you finish.  Sure, there are rare occasions, where it doesn’t always end this way, but because you like them, you would like to take a step back, and really get to know them on a different level.  All you can do, is hope that they are on the same page, or at least that they care enough to relate.  This is a touchy conversation, and can go either way.

I’ve learned through some lost relationships and lessons, that if you really want something with someone, you will hold off on having sex.  Yes, I know that sex should be after marriage, but that’s not always the case, so I like to make sure that I’m covering all bases.  See, when you’ve met that special someone, they will be willing to take the scenic route.  That’s not to say that they don’t desire you, but it’s just not the #1 priority.  When you bond with someone on a different level, and you can be friends, laugh with and at one another, share stories that you may have never shared with anyone else and build trust, everything else is a slam dunk.

I’ll share an inside story:  I remember when I was in my early 20’s and I met a gentleman 15 years my senior.  We met, bonded and he showed me the world through his eyes.  It was such an experience and eye opener to life and love; and sex had not even entered into the picture.  We spent almost every night together.  When we finally became intimate, it wasn’t the adrenaline that you’re used to, but it was mind blowing to me, because the bond had already been created, and I’m pretty sure that neither of us could do no wrong.

Take your time to get to know someone, and never think that sex can keep them, because if they’re not into you, it really doesn’t matter how you start or finish, but at least you know you kept your character and values in tact.

Terry D.

The BOSS Network Blogger’s Brunch


It has always been a blessing to be in good company, and build strong relationships with like-minded professionals! As I continue to evolve, the relationship I’ve learned to have with myself, has afforded me the wherewithal, and create opportunities to open doors that continue to cultivate positive, meaningful and strong relationships with others. The Blogger’s Community is huge, not always understood, but when you’re around other Bloggers, they get it. The hustle, the passion and endless possibilities. So when I was invited to share in the BOSS Blogger’s Brunch hosted by, Cameka Smith, CEO of The BOSS Network, which stands for, Bringing Out Successful Sisters, I was beyond elated, to share in an opportunity to continue building relationships with other bloggers, because regardless of our subject focus, the relationships between us are parallel in passion and profession! Cameka hosted this BOSS Blogger’s Brunch in honor of her new partnership with Caress. We were graciously given gift bags, with tons of Spring Body Scents from Caress! #CaressMe

Caress just partnered and signed the Grammy Award a Winning a Singer, Kelly Rowland as their Spokesperson! Kelly Rowland

 

 

 

Please take a look at some of these phenomenal fellow Blogger Professionals, who were very liberal in sharing their highs, lows, successes and failures, that have ALL continued to give them unrelenting drive!

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Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man?


Men and women love to think they know what the other person wants. After some failures and success, surely we find out where we fall short, as well as where our strengths lie.   We’re told to Act Like a Lady, and Think Like A Man, but I prefer to Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Lady, and have a man that Acts Like A Man, Thinks Like A Man, but we both respect, accept and comprise our differences.  BUT, we do learn what it means to treat one another with respect, and we adjust our behaviors, based on our love for the person we choose to spend our lives with.

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As a Woman, I listen to what a man tells me he wants and expects from his mate, but I also understand that no two men are alike, so we have to remember that when we start a new relationship.  Just because your ex liked something, doesn’t mean your new mate will. Ask questions, explore and enjoy the endless possibilities of the journey…

Don't be so shocked, if someone doesn’t have the same sexual appetite or needs. Don’t try to make your ex’s favorite color, work for your new love. Listen with your heart, and accept the change.

Learn to appreciate what you have, love in the moment and leave the past where it belongs!

Terry D.

The Journey…


Laugh together…

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Play together…

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Cuddle…

Cuddle

Don’t stop dating…

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Never take the little things for granted…

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Terry D.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words


Actions really do speak louder than words.  You can tell someoneActions-speak-louder-than-Words how you feel about marriage, or even your wish to be in a committed relationship.  You can shout it to the rooftop, but if your actions say different, your words mean absolutely nothing! If you’re not taking time to get to know them, and the panties are on the floor on the 2nd date; okay, maybe even the first, and that’s your choice, but don’t continue to exhibit all the characteristics that don’t say, “I want to be someone’s wife,” and then get mad because he won’t marry you.  You really can’t and don’t have to rush the love that was predestined for you, but you can throw a monkey wrench in it, by trying to fit a square in a circle…

Ask Those Tough Questions!

ask for what you wantWhat do you want in a relationship? Are you God-fearing? There is a difference in attending church, and fearing God! How do you feel about marriage?  Do you have/want children? How do you feel about sex before marriage? Do you believe in monogamy?  You can tap dance around seeking the truth, but it will come out. When you are asking these questions, PAY ATTENTION! “Ask for what you want, and be prepared to get it.” Maya Angelou Don’t half listen, and jump in heart first!  We love to say that God doesn’t answer our prayers, but the truth is, He always answers, you just ignore it, because it’s not the answer you were hoping for.

Stop Jumping In Bed So Soon!

Sex will not land you a husband, but it will get you a few good orgasms, if that’s all you want! Before you even consider being physical with someone, make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. Remember, if the goal is only to sleep with you, the chase becomes more important.  The soul ties and emotional scars can’t just be erased.  Matthew 7:6 Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

Spend Time Around Family & Friends!

You may very well get the representative, but people often let their guards down around people they’re more familiar with.  You will see if they’re comfortable with showing affection, how they interact, their level of respect.  What are friends and family saying?  Things like: “How’d you finally get this one to settle down?” “You better watch your back.”  “You know he’s not going to marry you right?”  Trust me, the hints and signs are always there.  

Accept Your Findings…

mayaangelouDon’t try to change that person.  You obviously were initially physically attracted to them, but later grew to like them for who they were, not who you want them to be.  Even if you try to change them, it won’t last or work.  You can’t rationalize, change or alter the truth. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Maya Angelou

When we’ve been out of the loop of dating for a while, we end up allowing our minds to play tricks on us.  We begin to ask ourselves questions like:

  • If I Give Into Sex, It Will Change The Game
  • I Don’t Have A Lot Of Choices
  • Did I Offer A Fair Chance
  • Maybe I Need to Rethink My Standards

One thing I’ve found is that we can’t change what is not meant to be. We may go ahead and enter into a relationship that is not for us, because we feel it’s our only choice, and it’ll all work itself out.

2 Corinthians 6:14  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Terry D.

Images courtesy of:  www.quotes-lover.com http://www.simplereminders.com

The Love We Lost


No, life is not the same, and yes, life is more complicated now, and there are way more variables that are in play now, but let’s talk about the foundations that were not negotiable, when our parents dated, the ones they hoped to pass onto us, and how they held their marriages together, in spite of…

None of these  lessons start when you’re grown.  These values are put into motion early.  If we want change, if we want the divorce rate to decrease, and the marriage rate to increase  among African-Americans, we have to be the change agents!

seedThe Foundation – They Took Us To Church

All of us knew that Sunday morning was reserved for church.  For that matter, a few more days of the week as well.  Even if we didn’t want to be there, we went, participated, and the seed was being planted and rooted, but somehow along the way, we began giving our children a choice, as we attended service on Sunday, as they stayed home and slept.  Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

The Parents Were Involvedfamily

You couldn’t just pick up a young lady, by blowing the horn, and before you started leaving the house together, there definitely had to be several supervised dates at the house.  They did things together with the family, so that everyone could get to know the character of this young man.  If he didn’t seem to have her best interest at heart, it wouldn’t be long before he was no longer allowed to come around, and even if the daughter was hurt, she respected her parents, because she knew there were consequences.

daddydaughterThe Father Made It Crystal Clear of What was NOT Going to Happen, While Someone Dated His Daughter. 

When a young lady brought home a young man for her parents to meet, the father and the brothers made sure he saw them, and let their presence be known, and the unconditional love they had for her.  Just in case he wanted to disrespect her, by calling her names, put his hands on her or step out-of-pocket for any reason, he knew he would have someone to answer to.  We have to be unapologetic in teaching equal respect to not only our daughters, but also our sons.  It will be reluctantly acknowledged, mimicked and appreciated later.

They Taught Us About Love, Through Actiongrowingold

We may have seen them fight, but we also saw them work through it, and honor their vows. When things got a bit thick, that’s when the foundation helped, because that ‘s when you saw/heard Mama praying.  They loved us enough to discipline us, when we were wrong.  The main component to their love, was that they didn’t fight for power, they shared.

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Sometimes, just the basics may be not be enough, but God has always been enough, and that is where the love begins.  You have to put the work in, because our children really do imitate our actions.  It means something to attend church with your parents, It means something to see functional relationships as  a child, it means something to know that love begins at home and it definitely means a whole hell of a lot, when you can use these same tools to keep that foundation together.  

IMAGES CREDIT:  GOOGLE

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences.  Please leave your comments below!

Terry D.

Thank You Nelson Mandela! 1918 – 2013


“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” Nelson Mandela

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