Category Archives: Generational Curses

Hiding in Plain Sight


kate

Kate Spade 1962-2018

Have you ever watched someone’s day-to-day routine, and admire their spirit, their grit and their grace? Feels like they’re always on…right?

Well, sometimes it’s because of their journey of blood, sweat and tears, that affords them the peace to exhale and other times, they’re holding their breath, wearing a mask of deception, because of expectations and fear of judgment and disappointment; not only to others, but to themselves! It’s easy to dress up the pain to a world of superficiality and selfishness.

Dying inside, but outside you’re looking fearless. While the tears are rolling down your cheeks, you steady hoping things don’t fall down this week. ‘Cause if it did, you couldn’t take it!

Tupac Shakur

Like any relationship, there is always a sign(s)… it’s important to have someone that listens with their heart. Someone that will allow you to stumble, but won’t let you fall.

Life becomes a blur of conformity, where you feel like a stranger in your own body! When the noise quiets, and the stranger slowly fades in the background, and suddenly reality and YOU come face-to-face. You can’t hide from yourself, because you know the truth. Life has tasked you with a gift that you don’t feel you deserve! It feels natural, BUT…. your gift becomes a mental burden, yet the perfect disguise and coping mechanism, because it allows you to escape the pain and feeling of worthlessness and no sense of purpose, but it’s all only temporary! Your mask is mistaken and brushed off as pride and strength, or even arrogance!

Life is about service, but you can’t always be the one left feeling depleted! It sends you into an overwhelming frenzy of depression, desperation and haste! Self care is essential, and sometimes that means being selfish. If not, after a while, you accept defeat, and live in a fog – waiting to fade away…

CREATE ME MOMENTS… Moments where you don’t give anything to anyone but YOU!

Terry D.

As We Lay… Who Has an Open Invitation to Your VaJayJay?


CHARACTER – It’s what we do when no one is watching…

best secret

ūüéľAs we lay, we forgot about tomorrow as we lay
As we lay, didn’t think about the price we had to pay…ūüéľ

The many Affirmations about Being Single, but all the while, there’s an ex or someone that has anpexels-photo-1076446 open¬†invitation to your vajayjay.¬† One midnight call, and you’re showering, removing the bonnet, brushing your teeth, spraying on that smell good and sliding on your sexiest¬†thongs.

We all have read the social media status of someone claiming to be:

  • Single & Saved
  • Single & Content
  • Single Does Not Equal Lonely
  • Single but NOT Settling

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women that are happily single, but on the flip side, there are some that are creeping, and others who don’t consider themselves single, because they have a piece of a man, and will speak of him in terms of¬† “Boo” or “Bae.”¬† You can blame him for participating all day long, but you always have a choice, you’re only responsible for your own actions.

How long will you question why you’re single, before you begin to accept the part you play in your relationship status?¬† Will you keep saying there are no good men; while you contribute to increasing that number, by letting him slip and dip with you in the wee hours of the night, before he returns home to his woman/wife? Will you hide behind the excuse of his woman being stupid for allowing him to do it, or will you just keep lying to yourself, by saying that this actually works for you, because you don’t want a committed relationship?¬† If we’re completely honest with ourselves, no one wants to share, but because of societal and even family pressure, it feels easier to pretend, than to actually face our own naked truth. It’s easier to complain and blame, instead of acceptance and accountability.

You’ll even hear women dog and judge other women, because it throws off the scent off their own stench of deception.¬† Anything done in the dark comes to light, and you definitely reap what you sow.

One thing about them tables, they always turn…

It a vicious cycle that doesn’t always bear the truth, and sometimes the lie begins to feel like the truth, but the caveat to this is, it’s an accepted mentality of not being able to do any better.¬† We can label this behavior, but there are years of insecurities that are associated with it, years of failed relationships that beat down a person’s sense of worth, and it could simply be a mindset of revenge for it happening to them, or it’s a learned behavior from childhood, because it was flaunted as a badge of honor.

No matter how brave someone pretends to be, when the smoke clears, and they’re all alone, there’s a1 deep sense of loneliness and regret.¬† “This is the last time.” “Next time, I will not answer the phone.” That’s the danger of not having an accountability partner/friend/coach that you can trust, even when the picture is not pretty.¬† They’re not there to judge, they’re there to help you past the hump and make better choices. This is not a process to brave on your own.¬† You need a “Straight No Chaser” friend.

Don’t allow this behavior to become the measure of your fate.¬† We all have the propensity to change, and it comes with faith, forgiveness of self, time and a change of scenery.

Terry D.

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The Unfiltered Truth


How many of us are living our Unadulterated and Unfiltered Truth?

For a better part of my life, I have lived to appease others. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, so I lived the life they envisioned for me, and from there, it was a domino effect of living in the shadows and expectations of others. I can’t quite pinpoint the moment I stopped living a lie and living to please others, but I knew I was suffocating, and needed to take back my life and power!

It was not easy at first, because the adjustments were more difficult for others than it was for me, but I couldn’t focus on that. What I do remember is how it felt to release years of unwanted weight of acceptance and validation. I finally learned how to comfortably exercise my right to say. “No!”

Last year (2017) I published my first book, My Truth – Short Stories of Joy and Pain. My Truth

In my book, I’m able to share my journey to living My Unfiltered Truth! The good, the bad and the ugly! As I was writing, I have to admit that I shed some tears of joy and pain, because while there were some tough reminders of the process, there were also some celebratory tears of conquering my fears.

I announced and released my book at my event, The Terry D. Experience – Removing the Mask, and it was an experience indeed! There were men and women, alike removing their masks, and sharing their experiences!

 

Well, 2018 is upon us, and I’ve decided to continue the journey of living my Truth. On Thursday, January 18, I launched The first season of my Live Online Talk Show – The Unfiltered Truth, on Facebook.¬†¬†The Unfiltered Truth Live Talk Show¬†is recorded every Thursday at 8:30pm CST.

You can check out the 1st episode right here:

 

I invite you to join me on this journey to begin releasing the weight of the past, releasing the need to feel accepted, walking in your own truth and living life on your own terms! Above, I’ve provided a link to purchase my book, as well as the link for you to join me on Thursdays for my Live Online Talk Show!

I look forward to hearing from you about your journey to living a life of liberation!

Terry D.

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Is Your Truth Buried in a Lie?


We subconsciously live our lives based on what has been fed into our spirits.

How many of us live our lives based on expectations? It’s not easy to keep up appearances for something that was either taught or mimicked! ¬†Despite how much we fight it, our actions and attitude become a reflection of what’s on the inside.

No matter how many lies we bury, the truth will always rear its ugly head. We have repetitive relational behaviors, and it’s easier to blame others, but the truth is; we came to the relationship with baggage that keeps us from fully emotionally connecting. Yes, it’s true that relationships suffer from lack of communication, finances and infidelity, but how much of this is a learned behavior. ¬†No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, words carry power, and we subconsciously replay them in our heads, and as a result, carry them into our adult lives, and they take on a part of our character.

How many times have you heard?

  • Men don’t cry
  • Do as I say, and not as I do
  • Men don’t express their feelings
  • You’re too young to settle down
  • Don’t worry about what he does, as long as he takes care of home
  • Don’t upset him
  • You’re going to be a player
  • Get your money, if you’re going to sleep with someone
  • Always keep you a spare, because everyone cheats

Seemingly harmless statements prove to be just the opposite.

At some point, we have to take ownership for our baggage and choices.  Our learned behaviors are often passed down from generation to generation, and our dysfunctions img_0504become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.

If two people have been taught the same dysfunctional behaviors, it’s difficult to find balance. ¬†We fight, we become bitter and we look for a scapegoat. ¬†If we’re blessed enough to have someone that was not taught these same behaviors, we emotionally exhaust them, because we become needy, and they not only become a punching bag, but also an emotional receptacle.

Our emotional health has to be a priority.  It will allow us to heal past wounds, release generational curses and function in relationships without fear or waiting for the ball to drop.  The truth really will make you FREE!  Free to LIVE and LOVE on your terms.

If you want to know how I learned to start living my truth, check out my book, My Truth –¬†https://www.amazon.com/My-Truth-Short-Stories-Pain/dp/1478785225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508221603&sr=8-1&keywords=my+truth+terry+connor

Terry D.

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