Category Archives: healthy relationships

eBook – It’s Not That Complicated


*NEW EBOOK ALERT*

Everyone does not define dating the same! What’s on that dreaded ”List” that you cant seem to shake? Don’t make dating a chore. Read up on some tips that might help you to stop making the same mistakes…

CHECK OUT MY LATEST eBook, on the TOP 10 Dating Tips for Men & Women – It’s NOT that Complicated

Dating should never be a chore, and is NOT a cure for loneliness…

Subscribe below,👇🏾and receive your FREE Download

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The Unfiltered Truth


How many of us are living our Unadulterated and Unfiltered Truth?

For a better part of my life, I have lived to appease others. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, so I lived the life they envisioned for me, and from there, it was a domino effect of living in the shadows and expectations of others. I can’t quite pinpoint the moment I stopped living a lie and living to please others, but I knew I was suffocating, and needed to take back my life and power!

It was not easy at first, because the adjustments were more difficult for others than it was for me, but I couldn’t focus on that. What I do remember is how it felt to release years of unwanted weight of acceptance and validation. I finally learned how to comfortably exercise my right to say. “No!”

Last year (2017) I published my first book, My Truth – Short Stories of Joy and Pain. My Truth

In my book, I’m able to share my journey to living My Unfiltered Truth! The good, the bad and the ugly! As I was writing, I have to admit that I shed some tears of joy and pain, because while there were some tough reminders of the process, there were also some celebratory tears of conquering my fears.

I announced and released my book at my event, The Terry D. Experience – Removing the Mask, and it was an experience indeed! There were men and women, alike removing their masks, and sharing their experiences!

 

Well, 2018 is upon us, and I’ve decided to continue the journey of living my Truth. On Thursday, January 18, I launched The first season of my Live Online Talk Show – The Unfiltered Truth, on Facebook.  The Unfiltered Truth Live Talk Show is recorded every Thursday at 8:30pm CST.

You can check out the 1st episode right here:

 

I invite you to join me on this journey to begin releasing the weight of the past, releasing the need to feel accepted, walking in your own truth and living life on your own terms! Above, I’ve provided a link to purchase my book, as well as the link for you to join me on Thursdays for my Live Online Talk Show!

I look forward to hearing from you about your journey to living a life of liberation!

Terry D.

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Over 50, Single & Never Married…


I am 51 years old, single and I’ve never been married, and somehow that makes me an outcast, an enemy and a societal and cultural statistic and leper!

How many times must I hear?

  • Are you high maintenance?
  • Is something wrong with you?
  • Why are you single?
  • Why haven’t you ever been married?

Who set the standards and guidelines of when I’m supposed to be a wife? Am I somehow unhappy, and do I not measure up because of it? I didn’t know that my very existence was defined by my relationship status!

I can admit that it’s not always easy being single, and whether subconscious or not, I do sometimes envy couples! It can be embarrassing and exhausting having to answer questions about my dating life. I have settled before, I have had some amazing relationships and I’ve been the reason some of my relationships ended, because of my own internal demons.

Judge me if you will, but if not for these struggles that have kept me up many nights, and choices that I’m not always proud of, I wouldn’t be able to face or admit my shortcomings. It’s my sincere belief that I have been personally chosen for this journey – Good, bad or indifferent, because it fuels my purpose!

I no longer live in shame of me or my relationship status! I don’t have to be defined by what is expected of me by people who live in their own den of lies. It’s liberating to know that I’m being saved for someone that will love the “WHOLE” Terry! Not some superficial, insecure person trying to fit in!

I will not be responsible for a man not believing in love, because of my insecurities, and my own lack of trust. I will stand BOLD and accept my truth, and continue to defy the odds of any time constraints that have been placed on me. I’m a work in progress that accepts me at any juncture in my life, and while it doesn’t bother me, it’s not my problem if it bothers you!
Terry D
xoxo

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Is Your Truth Buried in a Lie?


We subconsciously live our lives based on what has been fed into our spirits.

How many of us live our lives based on expectations? It’s not easy to keep up appearances for something that was either taught or mimicked!  Despite how much we fight it, our actions and attitude become a reflection of what’s on the inside.

No matter how many lies we bury, the truth will always rear its ugly head. We have repetitive relational behaviors, and it’s easier to blame others, but the truth is; we came to the relationship with baggage that keeps us from fully emotionally connecting. Yes, it’s true that relationships suffer from lack of communication, finances and infidelity, but how much of this is a learned behavior.  No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, words carry power, and we subconsciously replay them in our heads, and as a result, carry them into our adult lives, and they take on a part of our character.

How many times have you heard?

  • Men don’t cry
  • Do as I say, and not as I do
  • Men don’t express their feelings
  • You’re too young to settle down
  • Don’t worry about what he does, as long as he takes care of home
  • Don’t upset him
  • You’re going to be a player
  • Get your money, if you’re going to sleep with someone
  • Always keep you a spare, because everyone cheats

Seemingly harmless statements prove to be just the opposite.

At some point, we have to take ownership for our baggage and choices.  Our learned behaviors are often passed down from generation to generation, and our dysfunctions img_0504become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.

If two people have been taught the same dysfunctional behaviors, it’s difficult to find balance.  We fight, we become bitter and we look for a scapegoat.  If we’re blessed enough to have someone that was not taught these same behaviors, we emotionally exhaust them, because we become needy, and they not only become a punching bag, but also an emotional receptacle.

Our emotional health has to be a priority.  It will allow us to heal past wounds, release generational curses and function in relationships without fear or waiting for the ball to drop.  The truth really will make you FREE!  Free to LIVE and LOVE on your terms.

If you want to know how I learned to start living my truth, check out my book, My Truth – https://www.amazon.com/My-Truth-Short-Stories-Pain/dp/1478785225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508221603&sr=8-1&keywords=my+truth+terry+connor

Terry D.

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This Is Us (The Melting Pot)


Cue the Kleenex please…

The anticipation has been building, and once we saw Sterling K. Brown walk away with img_0323the Emmy, we sat on the edge of our seats, not so patiently awaiting Season 2 of This Is Us!

This show embodies a multitude of layers and facets of love.  It all came by the way of innocence and tragedy – in other words, by God’s design!

This is a show that not only demonstrates that img_0314Black Love is not taboo, but it also defies the stereotypes and shifts the trajectory of how we define love and family.  This is an emotional story that unfolds, and helps viewers to believe in love again.

The death and birth of an infant, would begin this img_0320story of tragedy and triumph of this not so picture perfect American family, as defined by society, but would teach a family that’s not bound by blood, to love without conditions, and equip them with strength for the unexpected.

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Regardless of this Melting Pot Family, it does not negate their love and family dynamic, but rather demonstrates love through the lens of those who feel unloved beyond the lines of color, weight and social status. Their differences are actually what help seal their relationships, without contrived limiting beliefs!

This Is Us teaches us forgiveness and acceptance in the deepest sense!

We’re now a couple of episodes into the new season, and still on the edge of our seats, because it’s so riveting, that it pulls you into their story line, and restores your sense of faith and hope in humanity.

This Is Us airs on NBC on Tuesdays at 9/8 CST

Let me know your thoughts, and please SUBSCRIBE, SHARE, LIKE AND/OR COMMENT!

Terry D.

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Black Women – Believe What You Know, and Not What You’re Told… 


1002695_10152134444508611_891071300_nAs African American women, it’s difficult for some of us to admit that we don’t always love the skin we’re in, but it’s time for us to believe what we know, and not what we’re told and taught.  Our young women and generations to come, lives depend on it…

As black Women, we contend with the systemic racist stereotypes and egregious attempts to keep us pigeonholed into being angry black Women that are only capable of being sexual uneducated beings that have multiple babies, that aren’t capable of competing with img_2347women of other races, let alone, good enough to be a wife! Because of this, we often feel ourselves in survival and “Something to Prove” mode.  Even as we contend to prove ourselves, we also find ourselves being the oppressor of one another, and like so many others, we divide ourselves based on socioeconomic backgrounds.  This is certainly by design, and not by happenstance.
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According to the 2016 Census Bureau, African American Women now top the list of the most educated in the country; and although more than half of black women between the ages of 18 and 24 are enrolled in college, the gender and racial inequality continues.

We have tangible everyday success stories that aren’t being recorded, reported or celebrated:

16298865_711498359011275_6534907517155103023_nThere are so many great historians, literary giants, authors, teachers, entrepreneurs, doctors etc., whose shoulders we stand on, but the good13701014_609668149194297_4673955860864760481_o thing about history is that it not only repeats itself, but it passes the baton.  It’s time to take the next leg of the race.  There are women right now TODAY, that are creating shoulders for future generations.  These will be names that our children’s children’s children will get bragging rights to; Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Angela Rye, Oprah Winfrey, Tamron Hall, Jamelle Hill, Tamika Mallory, Shonda Rhimes, Misty Copeland, Ava Duvernay, Issa Rae, Taraji P. Henson, Mara Brock Akil, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Serena 10449521_288568471304268_361698210535019755_nWilliams, Anita Hill, Condoleezza Rice, Lupita Nyong’o, Mae Jemison,13631584_602793649881747_3275936315871618758_n Lena Waithe, and that’s the short list.

These accomplishments should not make us complacent.  We can’t allow a few victories to be enough, because we typically lose our steam after a few wins. We have to continue to speak up when we’re not given deserving roles, when we’re being looked over for awards and promotions and not receiving equal pay.

We also have to learn to celebrate those who aren’t celebrities, but are still killing the game, kicking ass and taking names!

  1. How many black Women do you know that’s excelling in their fields and their entrepreneurial journeys?
  2. How many of us are embracing the essence of who we are (natural hair, curves and skin) without shame?
  3. How many black Women do you know that are happily married?
  4. How many women do you know that have multiple degrees?

18891813_10211907296511092_518154018726291463_oI will celebrate and name a few that I know personally, or am indirectly connected to: Terry D.Cordelia Lewis, Ni Cole Jean, Melissa Smith-Harper, Lazell Pittman, Veleka Meeks, Gina Lamar, Eden Adele, Jamelia Toya Hand, Tene’ Gray, Cheryl Hand-Jiles, Dr. Shante Holley, Dr. Tiffany Michelle Bellamy, Stacey Emerson, Kristin R. Harris, Sherron 14495432_1764392160494371_7628810718134684914_nTurner, Teslyn Butler, Romina Brown, Erika Porter, Tanya Winfield, Yanni Brown, Dr. Ruby Powell, Cameka Smith, Latoya J. Moore, DeAnna Williams, Bonita Maye, Trina Edmunds, Rachel Green, Ariel Simmons, Alice Foy, Dr. Kiarra King, Cynthia Flowers, Shay Mitchell-Gary, Penny Miller, Tonya Biglow, Bridgette Daniels-Thomas, Shiketa Morgan, Valencia Montgomery, Eve Benton, Tammy Brown, Sibyl Holloway, Nicole Howell-Scott, 12240279_510285135808220_4954826358136412469_oJennifer Ashley, Nykki Rae, SharRon Jamison, Ebony Dixon-Truss, Dawj Sangster, Yasmine Brown, Chrishon Lampley, Shuntella Richardson, Tosh 21751336_10213656614866404_8775508300733083557_nPatterson, Larvetta Loftin, Micaela Brown, Amber Johns, Felencia Terrell, Mirion Green, Megan Harper…

 

 

Please like share/comment – Let me know your thoughts

Terry D.

 

Living  S I N G L E 


I find that the majority of single women spend their time trying to figure out how to become a wife, and losing themselves in the interim, and not enjoying the “As I Am” moments and perks; because becoming good enough for someone else makes them neglect self love and self care!  Life still has to be lived, and it’s in those moments, that you discover exactly who you are.


Love does not just belong to someone else. It’s about experiencing it first hand – with YOU! When we learn to love ourselves, and in turn, begin to share that love with someone special, we make sacrifices and we compromise.

Explore you – INSIDE and OUT!  Take risks and see the beauty of the world and life through your own lense! 

It’s not to suggest that you won’t enjoy the same amenities with someone else, but don’t wait on someone else for life to begin.  LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD and with purpose!

Your zest for life and love for self will be infectious.  It creates organic and tangible allure.

Don’t allow the blurred lines of society’s pressure to fit in, deter you!  Your blessing is ONLY meant for you.

Stay Focused – Don’t Settle – Fools Rush In…


Terry D.

Coach|Speaker|Author