Category Archives: Interracial Relationships

Don’t Believe the Hype – Black Women Are NOT Doomed When It Comes to Marriage


There has been a great deal of stories looming about Black Women and their singleness, or lack of chances to get married.  An African-American Author, Ralph Richard Banks wrote a book entitled, Is Marriage for White People? :  How the African-American Marriage Decline affects everyone.  In this non-fiction book, he writes, “Single is the new black!”  He also recommends that African-American women open themselves up to be willing to enter serious relationships with men of other races and backgrounds, and he argues this will improve black men and women alike.  Needless to say, the African-American community strongly disagrees, but there are some that would argue this same case.  There are statistics out there that say that 42.4 % of African-American Women will not get married, which is from an old US, Census.   In 2014 the US Census Bureau cited; 86% of 2014-Marriage-Chart
Black Men have a Black Wife, and 94% Black Women have a Black Husband.

We also have a video circulating, The Myth of the Single Black Female, which gives you an insight into how the media has spread this information for years, and how we as blacks are accepting this as our truth.  The disparity in the numbers are alarming.  WHO ARE THEY TALKING TO?

It seems to me that the more educated African-American men and women are, the more attractive and accepted they are to other races, even in the case of them not intellectually measuring up themselves.  As blacks, we have begun to feed into these fallacies and consider other races as a prize, and the more we attain, the further away we move away from our own men and women.  We expect more and place more stipulations on black men and women that we date, than we do on non-blacks.  We have to be a certain kind of dresser, we have to look a certain way, our hair has to be a certain way, and even after all these years, we still are battling color lines within our own race.  The Light vs. Dark!  That is a stigma that goes back to slavery days, where the light were allowed in the house, while the dark had to stay outside.

The problem lies within our own issues within our culture.  Our inability to identify what we lack, and that it is not as complicated as others would have us to think.  As long as someone can plant a seed of negativity, and make Black Women Believe That It’s Time to Give Up on Black Men is misguided and disrespectful.

None of this is to suggest that there is a problem with interracial relationships in the least bit, but it does raise the question, of why we’re led to believe that within our own community, that we believe it’s okay to mistreat black men and women, or judge them, just because you choose not to be with them.  It creates a form of dissension and resentment.  Your mother, sister, aunt and not to mention, your daughters are watching and taking notes.

African American Couples who are making it work, despite the statistics and stereotypes:

Jada & Will Smith will and jada

President Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama barack-and-michelle-obama-danceing

What are your thoughts?

Coach Terry D.

Let’s Talk Scandal


I know it’s on a brief hiatus, but let’s talk Scandal!  The oh-so addictive Weekly TV Series, with rhimes_primaryalmost 9 million viewers that airs every Thursday night on ABC, written by the brilliant Shonda Rhimes, from my hometown, Chicago, Illinois and Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy!

Kerry

Scandal starring, the beautiful, talented, Emmy nominated Actress, Kerry Washington, the public and social media appointed “It Girl,” who plays Olivia Pope, the HEAD Gladiator!  Yes, I know it’s only a TV series, but it can sometimes offer hope to the already delusional group of women who think their lovers will leave their wives.  

The steamy love scenes between Olivia and Fitz Scandal-scene3have the viewers glued to their televisions every week, and without hesitation, rooting for the mistress, and not the wife!  So what is it that makes us root for the mistress? Do we root for her, because she is who she is, because she has a no non-sense attitude, or because we just love the adrenaline we feel, with the suspense and drama of it all?  Married women say they don’t agree, but can’t resist their love for the attraction between Olivia and Fitz; and single women say, the wife is crazy or stupid, because she actually wants Olivia to remain in her husband’s life, so that her husband can stay happy.  I will say that, I believe most people root for Kerry Washington (Olivia Pope), because of her poker face character, her famous line, “It’s handled” and not to mention, her stellar and couture style of dress!   I do often wonder if it were our own husband, would we be so forgiving of the mistress?  It’s funny how we really fool ourselves into thinking this doesn’t affect our personal lives, but when you’re in the salon, or even the barber shop, you hear people comparing people they know who may be the “side chick,” or “jump-off” to the scenes in scandal.    It can be slated as entertainment, but when people want to believe in something bad enough, they begin to imagine themselves as these very characters they see on-screen. If you don’t believe me, why else would women who can’t even afford it, rush out to buy the very clothes we see Olivia Pope, (Kerry Washington) wearing on the show, especially the infamous White Burberry Coat she adorned, that had social media in an uproar, and sold out almost immediately when she herself admits that she doesn’t even wear the clothes you see her in each week?  More than anything, we overlook her affair with the President, and get lost in the power – wanting to encompass her television lifestyle, without regard to the messy and dysfunctional characteristics.  With all her power, intelligence and sought after professional expertise, she has lost all control over her personal life and ability to make sound decisions when it comes to love and relationships.

Media outlets offer suggestive manipulation on a daily basis, and just maybe adults are able to separate what’s going on in this TV series, but what about what’s being suggested to our young women?  Would you want your daughters growing up thinking these behaviors are acceptable?  Regardless of the entertainment, we have to guard our children’s spirits, and not allow them to get entangled in the webs of deceit!  Between the reality shows, videos and shows that glorify adultery, they begin to adopt these same traits, and view them as normal behavior.

My questions:  Can Scandal be viewed as a learning tool for those who may be in these situations?  Should we just look at it as entertainment or do we turn the channel?

Sound off…

Terry D.

Scandal Olivia Pope FashionThe infamous black and white evening gown, and a few styles that have viewers scurrying to the internet to see who the designer is, and how they can purchase them:

Tamera Mowry-Housley’s Emotional Interview on the Backlash from their Interracial Marriage


tameraTamera Mowry-Housley is overcome with emotion over racist comments and messages

To say the least, I was touched, but very disturbed by this interview with the Mowry Twins on Oprah’s, Where Are They Now, but nothing could prepare me for this tamera-and-tia-get-emotional-emotional admission from Tamera, Actress, Reality Show Star and now Talk Show Host, as she opens up, and speaks out on her interracial marriage, and how she feels about the evil and racist comments on Social Media, toward her and Husband, Adam Housley.  Tamera breaks down in tears, as she explains the comments they encounter from others.

She’s been called, “A White Man’s Whore!”  She goes on to say that the new one she hears is, “Back in the day, you cost $300, but now you’re giving it to him for free.”

Even in this day and age, there is still real ignorance toward interracial relationships.  

Tamera says, “I couldn’t even fathom or think of these words, because I’m a product of it. My mom is a beautiful black woman and my dad is an amazing white man, and I grew up seeing a family. I didn’t grow up saying, ‘Oh, that’s a white man.’”

Tamera says, “I love my husband so much. “I love our family. I love our dynamic. I’m proud to be in the relationship I am because it’s based on love. Pure love.”

Watch:  Tamera’s Emotional Interview

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Love doesn’t come with a color wheel.  Just because there are still some very ignorant and racist people out there, doesn’t give them the right to impose their beliefs upon others.

Terry D.

The Best Man Holiday


100313-celebs-best-man-cast-ebony-mag-women-men-16x9Okay, the weekend is over, but everyone is still on a Best Man High! Movie Critics, Bloggers, Social Media and Talk Shows alike, are all raving about it! One of the most highly anticipated sequels, The Best Man Holiday was premiered on Friday, November 15, 2013!  This movie is still riding high, and rightfully so… This is one of the few sequels that did not disappoint, because usually we’re over it by the 2nd, and definitely the 3rd sequel! Who would have thought that after 15 years, the next chapter of The Best Man would have SO many flocking to the theaters?

Although it was slated not to do more than $22 million, with low Box Office Estimates, this movie was selling out before it even premiered, as I waited in line, even after arriving 45 minutes early! Usually, when African-Americans are able to play with the “Big Boys,” and gross over $30 Million, there will always be some negative undertones attached by critics, but who cares, because the numbers don’t lie – point-blank!  As I read the reviews, I had to fix my face, because, USA Today deemed it as a Race-Themed Movie.

www.best-man-2-castBefore I go on, I have to first take my hat off to Director, Malcolm D. Lee, and this ALL Star beautiful African-American and Latino Cast of Actresses and Actors – WOW!  It’s so refreshing to see Black Love play out.  The story line didn’t feed us a delusional fairy tale, but it came with the twists and turns that relationships can have, but at the end of the day, it gives couples a look inside compromise, love, hurt, forgiveness, friendship and the importance of having God in your marriage and relationships. There were so many lessons and insight into all the dynamics that make up the institute of love!

The peaks and valleys!  Every time you began to cry, in comes Terrence Howard to make you laugh! The ending to the movie was not expected, but so emotional, and a brilliant move!  The story line carefully guided you, as viewers became more engrossed, wanting more, but sitting on the edge of their seats, with tissue in hand, as we all waited to see what we eventually figured out, but hoped not to be the truth!

Let me tell you, everyone played their role, BUT the two who impressed me the most in this movie were Morris Chestnut, and yes, him being hot and having his shirt off did help, and Monica Calhoun – I am literally bowing to you!  The entire cast left it all on the table, and did their thing!

malcolm_articleThank you Malcolm D. Lee, first, for this AWEsome sequel, and for telling our love stories, that I feel can only be told by those who get it, and understand the dynamics!  Thank you for proving that Black Love does exist; and for allowing us to see ourselves on the big screen, in ways that others fail to appreciate or acknowledge!  Can’t wait to see what’s next…

Terry D.

Interracial marriage in US hits new high: 1 in 12


Interracial marriage in US hits new high: 1 in 12.

I’m perplexed by the range of controversial conversations that continue to center around interracial relationships.  Even in the year 2012, it’s still a button pusher.  As I poll African-American women and men, the conversations instantly heat up.  Most, but not all African-American women are indifferent to interracial relationships, because they feel it lessens their chances at finding a significant other.  On the other hand, are you limiting your own chances at love, if you only want to date one race? African-American men are not as opposed, but say that the moment they see “their” women with a man from another race, it immediately triggers a sense of betrayal. 

The US Census Bureau reports that 17.1% blacks and 9.4% whites who married in 2010 has a spouse of a different race!  Out of 275,500 new interracial marriages in 2010:

  • 43% White – Hispanic
  • 14.4 White – Asian
  • 11.9% White – Black

In all, it goes on to state that 15% of new marriages are interracial, and that African-Americans, the younger generation and higher educated are more likely to marry outside of their race.   Are these statistics indicative that acceptance is more prevalent, or that society has decided not to care what others think when it comes to their personal love life?

Are Americans of any race/culture being criticized and ostracized for their preference to love freely?  It’s almost as if you’re being told that your heart should only love one color.  It is true that you have more in common with your own race, but that’s why the world is made up of so many different people.  It would make for a boring world if we were all the same.

-Terry D.