Category Archives: Journeys

Pick your Battles

Why do we insist on creating unnecessary strife, both consciously and subconsciously?  We need to pick our battles, because every situation does not warrant an argument or screaming match.  Most of our aggressive behavior toward resolution comes from how we saw others in our families or those closest to us resolve disputes.  We have to choose which path we will take in order to maintain the peace, as well as our sanity.  They say, “That sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  I completely disagree, because words can cut like a two edge sword.   Sometimes it’s like an out-of-body experience that takes over and we begin shooting below the belt, and these are things that we can’t take back no matter how hard we try. 

After we retire to our separate corners and think about all that has transpired, we replay each horrific word that was exchanged and a sense of regret comes over us, wishing we could have a do over.  The sad part about it is, each time we go through this, we know what the end result will be, but can’t seem to control our erratic emotions. 

More than not, the arguments stem from something that has nothing to do with him/her, but as simple as having a bad day at work, or someone else has made you upset for the day, but we bring all this excess baggage home with us.  If these are things that you have identified as triggers, you can make the decision to take some quiet time to yourself until you have calmed down.  This way, you can discuss what made you upset, and your mate can offer solace and not feel like they’re being attacked.  He/She is not the enemy! 

The simple things we argue about:

  • The infamous toilet seat
  • Dinner choices
  • Temperature of  the house
  • What to watch on television

The first thing you must do is sit down and calmly discuss the reasons for the disputes and find a better way to discuss them without flaring tempers.  As mature adults, you have to make the decision of what’s more important, you winning or your relationship.  The core reason why the argument continues is because we want to have the last word.  If you feel you are not able to resolve your disputes without it escalating, it’s time to get some professional help and get to the root of the real problem.  You will find that the disputes usually stem from something deeper than what’s on the surface.

Pick your battles and learn to walk away.  It’s perfectly okay to apologize, even if you feel you were right!  Compromise and humility goes a long way!

-Terry D.

Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships

If you continue to be involved in unhealthy relationships, it almost becomes like an infection that eats away at your heart.  We condition our minds to believe that we either don’t deserve more, or we just haven’t figured out how to break the cycle.  If we have only ever witnessed dysfunctional relationships, we tend to follow the same patterns.  Being involved in these relationships can deplete our self-esteem and fool us into believing that we have no self-worth.  Before you even realize it, you’re always generalizing all men as “Cheating no good dogs” and have convinced yourself that there are no good men left.  When our friends speak about their relationships, we quickly begin judging them, and doubting their sincerity.  It’s difficult for us to even fathom ever experiencing a healthy relationship, let alone believing that others are involved with someone who isn’t unfaithful, abusive or disrespectful. 

In order to break this ugly cycle, you have to first learn to love yourself, which is why it’s been so difficult to attract the right man.  Your lack of confidence and self-esteem sticks out like a sore thumb and will leave you vulnerable.  You also have to believe that there are actually good men that still exist, and that you deserve one; and you’re better than what you previously led yourself to believe.  Stop speaking ill will into your life, and welcome love instead.  Iron sharpens iron; therefore, you have to make sure that you are surrounding yourself around people who are involved in positive and healthy relationships.  Your confidence will certainly exude and command nothing less than what you deserve.  You are good enough, but if you don’t believe that, no one else will either. 

Resist the devil, and he will flee.  James 4:7

Terry D.

Empty Love

// As I sat and watched Tyler Perry’s movie, “Good Deeds,” it started me to thinking about how many of us are in functioning relationships with no real substance, because it looks good on paper, or it’s just what you’ve attuned yourself to.  The relationship portrayed in this movie seemed almost robotic.  They both were very successful individuals that had no genuine quality of life despite their wealth, because it was essentially arranged, and they wanted to save face; which leads me to my point. They had robotic sex, their daily routines became monotonous and he spent endless hours in the office – which screamed unhappiness to me. 

How many of us are in relationships, because we’re afraid of what others will think?  We cheat and rob ourselves and our significant other of happiness when we remain in empty relationships.  It’s like wearing a mask and living a lie that conceals all the pain, deceit and  emptiness.   //  Some couples don’t have the courage or strength to walk away, because of what it might look like to others.  There are real everyday people who live the same pretentious lives, but because of their success and many material acquisitions, we often mistake it for happiness.  The difference between the movie and us, is when they’re done acting, it’s over.  We spend years in these same kinds of relationships, and often not recognizing the dysfunctions ourselves, because the fog of false perception has actually clouded our own realities.  It took another woman to shock the actor (Tyler Perry) in Good Deeds into reality about his fruitless and unrewarding life.

If you’re involved in a pretentious and empty relationship, what will be your moment of reckoning?

-Terry D.

Creating a Brigther Tomorrow

Creating a Brigther Tomorrow

“In order to create a brighter tomorrow, step into your destiny, extinguish fear and allow your dreams to come to fruition.”

Your future emanates from past experiences – good or bad.
-Terry D.