Category Archives: Love and Relationships

Joy and Pain


Our first experience with love starts at a very early age. It shapes our belief in it, or it makes us question everything about it. Our thoughts about love are being formed well before we even understand what true love really is. Our loved ones that mold our thoughts are not aware that they’re creating a generation of curses or blessings.

As we begin to experience love for ourselves, it usually starts out like a fairytale, but we never really come to understand why we pick the lovers we do, or why we react in certain circumstances until a few failed attempts, and we realize it might just be us subconsciously self-sabotaging, because of our limiting beliefs about love and what we do or don’t deserve. It takes time to look within, because it’s difficult to think that something or someone in our childhood could be responsible for our adult dysfunctions and relational behavior.

It’s a cycle of joy and pain, but it definitely teaches us more about who we are, and as we heal, it allows us to be the change that our future generations will benefit from. We’re taught that experience is a good teacher, and I couldn’t agree more, but I also believe that we don’t always have to experience everything first hand.

Terry D.

What are We Learning From Taraji, Viola, Janelle and Octavia? 


First, I have to take a deep breath, and wipe away the tears of joy and pride!  Not just for history unfolding before our eyes, but also for their commitment and passion to channel sisterhood.

Am I the only one who is caught up in this world wind of Black Girl Magic playing out on the screen, and holding my breath waiting to hear their names called for an award for their outstanding performances, because acknowledgment of our performances has not always been the case, but it’s now happening more frequently than not.  While we have a long way to go, we’ve made some amazing strides on the big screen.

So what happened?

These women collaborated and celebrated one another – unapologetically!

They figured out the influence of collaboration and the power of leveraging their platform and voice to maximize the moment. Taraji’s acceptance speech at SAG Awards for Hidden Figures

They didn’t wait for permission, or feel slighted when the other woman won!  They knew that every win was a win for us all!

They figured out that they could definitely accomplish more together, and it would yield them all an opportunity to create and be a part of black and all history.

They didn’t accept practices of the past, but instead, they’re breaking the glass ceilings of the term: #oscarssowhite!

This is NOT a season or a trend.  They’re putting in the work, raising awareness and eyebrows and creating an expectation.  Showing that we can win in more categories than just the stereotypical.  We can win without you just throwing us a bone, and we’re not going anywhere anytime soon!  “If you don’t see what you want, create it!” Unknown

So, what can we learn as black women entrepreneurs? What can we learn as blacks in media? What can we learn as black women, PERIOD?

Be accountable and responsible with your platform!

Taraji COLLABORATION speech

COLLABORATION is not a sin!  We can get so much more accomplished together, and there’s enough for ALL of us!  We celebrate them, but won’t celebrate the very women we know and see hustling everyday.  We don’t have to always physically collaborate, but at least get “yo” Taraji clap on!  Taraji clapping for Viola

Taraji’s spirit is infectious!  She makes you want to be a better you!  These women get why our ancestors worked together!

Our insecurities come from fear, not hatred, or not even that we think someone is better, but it’s the fear that has been taught, because of the handouts that were singular and few and far between, so you have women clawing their way to the top, and stepping on others on their way up!  Gabrielle Union admits why she used to be less than sisterly, and being a mean girl during an acceptance speech.

2Timothy 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

We have to learn to clap when it’s not our turn.  Cheer when she wins!  Support when your name isn’t called.

As believers, but we must put our faith where our mouth and heart is, and believe the word of God!  These women have put a tangible mandate before us, and we have a responsibility to continue to pass the baton!

Proverbs 18:16 A man’s gift maketh room for him, and brings him before great men!

Terry D.

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Resist the devil, and he will flee… 


So you’re single and learning to love the skin you’re in.  All is well with you and your singlesness! Until… after some years of purging, healing, forgiveness and restoration, here comes the test – dressed in a nice suit, standing 6’4″ tall, smelling good and saying all the right things.  It’s your EX! 

Well well well… I’m convinced they can smell your “Im over you” a mile away.  Now the prey begins.  See, when you wanted them to be the hunter, they could barely muster up enough energy to even call you once a day. 

One day as you’re minding your own business, you receive a text out of no where – “Hey!” or “I miss you!” You wipe your eyes, and whisper a few choice words in your head, and I’m sure a few out loud!  Now what? Hey? I miss you? Man listen!  You gather your composure, and start to wonder what he wants. Your mind begins to play tricks on you, and you contemplate whether or not to respond.  

Take your fingers off that trigger.

First phase: Reminiscing about the good times, because you’ve conveniently suppressed the bad ones. You say to yourself, “He did kiss good!”  “I remember when…” 

If you stay here too long, you will find yourself back in the saddle, and that kiss doesn’t feel so good, because the reason you initially broke up, will resurface.  The “Hey” text was just to test the waters to see if you would take the bait!  I’m not saying it can’t work, but when someone really wants you, they GO HARD!  They take the risk that you may say no. A grown man will not text you to rekindle or to see if you’re still interested! 

Phase two:  You start looking for at least one person to validate your foolishness and give you the green light to text him back.  You begin sharing this with your girlfriends.  Girl, can you believe he texted me after all of this time?  There will be at least one out of the three that will cosign, but the other two will hell nawwwww you right out of it!  

We look for reasons to respond, and we need someone else to tell us it’s okay. When you have to ask, you already know there’s a problem.

When you’ve gone through a period of purge, healing, forgiveness and restoration, there will always be something or someone to test your grit. It’s up to you what you will and will not allow. Sometimes it’s just to show us our strength, resilience and restraint, and not to punish us, or give us a reason to revisit the pain!  Trust that your healing has equipped you with the ability to see the situation with a different pair of lenses.  

When someone attempts to come back in your life, and they’re not serious, they will automatically notice the change, but they’ll also use every chance they get to remind you of who you used to be, as to attempt to undermine your current mindset. It sometimes becomes the euphoria of the chase and the challenge of changing your no to yes. 

James 4:7 Resist the devil, and he will flee…

We all become vulnerable at times.  Even if the temptation gets the best of you – no worries, you will be able to tap into your source of faith and peace.  It’s doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just gives you another lesson that will be unambiguous to you in the future.

Terry D. 

In the Blink of An Eye


It was in the blink of an eye, that I began to understand what it truly meant to respect me and my worth!  I spoke my worth into existence, but I also had to begin the process of putting my faith into action, and stop thinking I had to stay in emotionally and mentally draining relationships!  When someone who claims to love you, sits in silence and allows you to suffer and shrink, you begin to internally deplete.  Silence really is golden!  If a person knows you’re willing to accept the least of respect, they will continue to push the envelope.  It’s up to you to not accept it.  It’s up to you to say, “Enough!”  

We stay because we feel an obligation to time, we feel an obligation to history, but our allegiance is to love self FIRST!       Terry D. 

It’s going to hurt like hell, but staying hurts far worse!  It’s like continuously pulling a scab off an old wound.  LOVE DOES NOT HURT -‘PEOPLE DO!  BROKEN PEOPLE PROJECT THEIR PAIN INTO YOU! Yes, into you, because it becomes a part of your spirit, and you feel the weight of their burden everyday. 

It was time to stand up for me.  Time to LOVE ME!  It was time to stop thinking I didn’t deserve someone to value me!  Someone that wouldn’t take advantage of my kindness, but appreciate it.  It is not our job to change anyone, but to be an inspiration by our actions, and expect reciprocation. 

As women, we’re taught to put others before us.   We want to fix everyone, and that’s a tall and unattainable order,  and it leaves us depleted and vulnerable!  I can’t live or love from an empty place.   

How do you arrive at a place of peace and being okay with you?  It’s your faith!  It’s the release of guilt and removing the fear of being alone, and the fear of being judged. The bulk of our decisions in relationships are tied to guilt and what others will think of us.  Don’t suffer in silence, but more importantly, allow your heart to truly heal and forgive!  Practice daily repetition of self affirmation, and remove distractions (People, places and things) that remind you of your past!  Don’t replace pain with a person!  Allow yourself to grieve, or you will end of being the offender of someone else’s affliction.

Terry D. 

How to Get Past Heartbreak


It’s not always easy to forgive, but it is necessary. Forgiveness is a process, and we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to be okay without an explanation and the why.

Terry D.

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I’m NOT Perfect, but I’m Authentically and Unapologetically ME


Nope, I’m not perfect, but I am authentically ME!  

I’ve made so many mistakes in love, life and relationships.  I used to regret my choices, but every single experience was a lesson that shaped me to be ME!  We get so hung up on our past, our mistakes, what others think of us and we don’t forgive ourselves.  God never said that weapons wouldn’t form, He just said they would not prosper.  My purpose is to help others discover their purpose, and to be a tool in their healing and restoration! 

I used to think I wasn’t worthy of someone loving me, because I hadn’t learned my worth, and I didn’t know how to love myself.  I have constantly been judged for my choices, but I had to learn not to internalize it.  It’s easier for others to judge you, and honestly, that’s their problem. 

I openly share my life, love and relationship mistakes, because I had to learn not to be ashamed or a victim.  We all make mistakes, but we all deserve second chances.  

  • When I ended up homeless, I couldn’t understand why?!?!?!?
  • When I stayed in a relationship for almost 14 years, on and off, knowing it wasn’t healthy, I questioned my sanity and worth 
  • When I found myself in a pool of blood with a slit wrist, I thought it was over for me 

In every single circumstance that I just listed above, came some great lessons and blessings!  Sounds crazy, right?

I wrote a proposal to my church for a clothing closet to assist women in shelters, because I was once a recipient, and I wanted to give back, and teach those women that your circumstances don’t define your fate or YOU!

That relationship almost broke me.  I didn’t trust anyone, but I also didn’t give up on love.  I didn’t stop believing in good men, but most importantly, I am now helping others in their journey, and I’m able to share How I Survived!

In the blink of an eye, I saw myself possibly being taken out.  I had to make a decision to change my life, or lose it.  I watched my two children look at me with tears in their eyes, as I was carried out on a stretcher with tubes everywhere, with my hands restrained, so that I wouldn’t hurt myself, and it was in that moment that I knew I had a greater purpose, and that my life was not my own!  I had to pick up the pieces and start being accountable.  

To say the least, none of this was pleasant, but I’ve learned to appreciate that God’s plans are not my plans.  I won’t apologize, because I’m me, and I continue to learn and grow.  

Don’t allow others to hold your past over you.  It was just a test run… 
 
 Terry D. 

Relationships Evolve, Enlighten & Equip


Some of the relationships that I’ve built over the years, have both helped and hurt me. Some of them have evolved, and others I know I have to let go, which is not always easy.  We have to learn that some relationships are just for a season, but equip us for future lessons.  I told myself in 2015 that I would go hard in 2016.  I don’t make resolutions, but I knew that I had to make some changes in the new year if I was going to walk in my purpose.  I activated my faith, closed my eyes and ears to the naysayers, and started planning.  I began repurposing and rebranding.  I’m sure I’ll still make mistakes, but I took action.

We’re only 3 months into the new year, and I’ve been hired for 3 speaking engagements, and I held my 1st event, Relationship Workshop for Single Ladies in March.  I don’t say this to brag, but as a testament to activating my faith.  As I prepared for my 1st speaking event on dnmeSunday, March 20 for the DivorceN’Me Women’s Conference,  with CEO and Life Coach, Deanna Williams, I was a ball of energy and nerves, all rolled into one.  I got in a still place and meditated and prayed that someone would receive what they needed.  As I stood on the stage, and stared into an audience of strangers, with no familiar faces, it made me very sad.  I thought to myself, “Where are my friends?”   All kinds of negative thoughts ran through my mind, but the show must still go on.  Before it was my time to speak, I was in the restroom, and a young lady said, “You’re Terry D right?”  I said, “Yes.”  She said she recognized me from my Bio.  She went on to tell me that I was as beautiful in person as I was on paper.  She also began to speak into my life.

As I was sharing “My Truth,” I saw the looks on the faces of the audience, I watched the soulstears flow from some, I received several standing ovations and words of affirmation.  My goal was to inspire someone to restore their hope in love, and to forgive.  I felt God’s spirit, and I heard a voice say, “It was never about you, or those who weren’t there, but about doing exactly what you said you wanted to do.”

I was so wrapped up in who wasn’t there to support me, that I almost missed my blessing and the lesson!  He put the people there that I needed, and that needed me.  Before I left there, I was asked for my autograph, and I was asked to speak at 3 other events.  I built relationships and learned lessons of my own.   I walked away with testimonies from single and married women.

“Girl, you were speaking to me!”

“Thank you for sharing your testimony.”

“God has his hands on you.”

“I just made up my mind that I will no longer allow myself to be used for sex.”

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

img_0550Terry D.