Category Archives: Love and Relationships

The Relationship Hour


What is The Relationship Hour?

  • It’s an hour of peeling back the layers of the “Representative!”
  • An hour of transformation
  • An hour of transparency
  • An hour of healing
  • An hour of discovery
  • An hour of release
  • An hour of laying the foundation

We made our announcement on Sunday, July 9, about our 6 week LIVE Facebook pilot, The Relationship Hour, with Relationship Coaches and Authors, Kay S. And Terry D.!

Over the course of the next six weeks, (Five of which will be on Facebook Live and the Sixth week will give viewers an opportunity to join us in person for their questions and an UNCUT, UNCENSORED AND UNABBREVIATED HOUR or two) we will be transparent and brutally honest about our own relationship foibles, and while we’re not perfect, we have come to learn our own Love Language, identify our unhealthy relationship triggers and we’re sharing how you can learn to love you and accept that you don’t have to be perfect to have love, and be okay with moving beyond and forgiving yourself and others.

We’re also bringing a  practical and simplistic, but in your face approach to developing and sustaining a healthy relationship!  What does that even look like?  Everyone does not define healthy love the same, because if you have seen your parents or family members be dysfunctional or even abusive, and that’s all you know – GUESS WHAT?  That’s your healthy version of love.

There are components that make up the foundation for a healthy
and sustainable relationship!  We did not say perfect, and we didn’t say it would be a cake walk, but it will propel you into your purpose as an individual, and how you can dispel and peel back those layers of not feeling loved without someone else giving you that validation.

Join us every week on Facebook Live on Sundays, starting July 16 at 7pm at The Relationship Hour.

Terry D.

 

 

 

 

QMy 2017 Mid-Year Goals Review


This year has been rewarding and productive, but not without its challenges.  This has been my year of living, “Intentionally.”

JANUARY

hiresbookcoverOn January 19, 2017, I self-published my first book, My Truth.  My Truth is a non-fiction novelette, that will give you an insight into the twists and turns of my personal failures and successes in love and relationships – in hopes to help others in their own journey to healthy love.  I grappled with the idea of baring my soul to the world, but when it was all said and done, I knew my testimony was meant for someone else, so I stopped questioning God’s plan. This project was so much bigger than me, and I couldn’t worry about what others would think of me.  This has been one of the most liberating things I’ve done in my life, and the feedback validates my decision to be obedient.

FEBRUARY

For a few years now, I have been speaking and training for everyone else.  I have Removing the Masktoo (5)attended events of amazing men, women and organizations, where they shared their journey and helped so many others discover their purpose.  I knew I had it in me to do the same, but I allowed fear to cripple me.  It was all I could think and talk about, but I made every excuse in the book, to avoid actually acting on my passion.  Finally, I just began researching, planning, preparing and executing. I only shared it with a select few, because I didn’t want any reason not to follow through.  I had a plan, an agenda and a budget.  Searching for venues was not an easy task, but I was all in.  I looked and I looked and I looked. Finally, I booked the venue, paid my deposit and just like that, there was no turning back. It was really happening – February 4 to be exact.

16700454_10211535345275990_4956978693545354350_oTo say the least, it was surreal and rewarding, but not because I finally did it, but because of the real masks that were removed and the lives that were transformed.  Men and women alike, shared their unadulterated truth, and it became a domino effect of testimonials.   It was an experience indeed, and no one left there the same way they arrived.  16487307_10211535353436194_1054744811513003740_oSpirits were renewed, and the attendees left with a sense of purpose and hope – knowing they’re not alone in their journey to wholeness, removing their masks without shame and Living their Truth!

MARCH

March gave me a moment to catch my breath, reflect, and  shift my gears to 2nd Quarter goals, obligations and commitments.  I used this time to refuel and follow up on the progress of  some clients I was coaching and confirm engagements.  On March 25, I was the img_0616Keynote Speaker for the “Unapologetically Me” Women’s Luncheon, hosted by Nikita Legrone of Exclusive Extraordinary Events.

While I was there to impart knowledge and pour into other women, it was humbling to hear their, “WHY!”

  • Why they had to make their way there
  • Why they had lost hope
  • Why they felt God had given up on them

APRIL & MAY

Can you say, “RESET?” Not that I’m ever allowed to take it off, but it was time to put on my full Mommy hat.  I had to switch gears, and focus on my personal img_0109obligations.  I am the very proud Mom of my mini me. It was planning time for my daughter’s Prom and Graduation.  I did not plan much during these months, because she img_0620deserved all of my uninterrupted and full attention.   Such proud moments that you can never get back, have to be your priority.  I enjoyed every moment of watching her come into her own over the years, and the reward of watching her get transformed into a princess for Prom is indescribable.   The pride of img_0621-1watching your daughter who the doctors said wouldn’t make it to see the age of 18, had me up plenty of nights in this season, with tear stained pillows of joy and gratitude for God’s mercy!

 

JUNE

img_0547I’m still recovering from the Prom and Graduation festivities, but she’s over it and me by now.  I guess it’s back to business as usual. This is not the time to chill.  I have the remainder of my year accounted for and planned.  I’m now planning for 2018.  I’ve done some photo shoots to plan for upcoming promotions and doing my due diligence for upcoming opportunities.  After all of that, I doimg_0610 take time to pour back into me.  It’s a continued struggle to have work-life balance, but it’s necessary for your sanity, and not to become overwhelmed.  I have to make some me/we time, and img_0521ensure I’m not taking my daughter for granted…

Stay tuned for upcoming events for the remainder of 2017!

 

 

 

 

 

Terry D.

 

Living  S I N G L E 


I find that the majority of single women spend their time trying to figure out how to become a wife, and losing themselves in the interim, and not enjoying the “As I Am” moments and perks; because becoming good enough for someone else makes them neglect self love and self care!  Life still has to be lived, and it’s in those moments, that you discover exactly who you are.


Love does not just belong to someone else. It’s about experiencing it first hand – with YOU! When we learn to love ourselves, and in turn, begin to share that love with someone special, we make sacrifices and we compromise.

Explore you – INSIDE and OUT!  Take risks and see the beauty of the world and life through your own lense! 

It’s not to suggest that you won’t enjoy the same amenities with someone else, but don’t wait on someone else for life to begin.  LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD and with purpose!

Your zest for life and love for self will be infectious.  It creates organic and tangible allure.

Don’t allow the blurred lines of society’s pressure to fit in, deter you!  Your blessing is ONLY meant for you.

Stay Focused – Don’t Settle – Fools Rush In…


Terry D.

Coach|Speaker|Author

Joy and Pain


Our first experience with love starts at a very early age. It shapes our belief in it, or it makes us question everything about it. Our thoughts about love are being formed well before we even understand what true love really is. Our loved ones that mold our thoughts are not aware that they’re creating a generation of curses or blessings.

As we begin to experience love for ourselves, it usually starts out like a fairytale, but we never really come to understand why we pick the lovers we do, or why we react in certain circumstances until a few failed attempts, and we realize it might just be us subconsciously self-sabotaging, because of our limiting beliefs about love and what we do or don’t deserve. It takes time to look within, because it’s difficult to think that something or someone in our childhood could be responsible for our adult dysfunctions and relational behavior.

It’s a cycle of joy and pain, but it definitely teaches us more about who we are, and as we heal, it allows us to be the change that our future generations will benefit from. We’re taught that experience is a good teacher, and I couldn’t agree more, but I also believe that we don’t always have to experience everything first hand.

Terry D.

What are We Learning From Taraji, Viola, Janelle and Octavia? 


First, I have to take a deep breath, and wipe away the tears of joy and pride!  Not just for history unfolding before our eyes, but also for their commitment and passion to channel sisterhood.

Am I the only one who is caught up in this world wind of Black Girl Magic playing out on the screen, and holding my breath waiting to hear their names called for an award for their outstanding performances, because acknowledgment of our performances has not always been the case, but it’s now happening more frequently than not.  While we have a long way to go, we’ve made some amazing strides on the big screen.

So what happened?

These women collaborated and celebrated one another – unapologetically!

They figured out the influence of collaboration and the power of leveraging their platform and voice to maximize the moment. Taraji’s acceptance speech at SAG Awards for Hidden Figures

They didn’t wait for permission, or feel slighted when the other woman won!  They knew that every win was a win for us all!

They figured out that they could definitely accomplish more together, and it would yield them all an opportunity to create and be a part of black and all history.

They didn’t accept practices of the past, but instead, they’re breaking the glass ceilings of the term: #oscarssowhite!

This is NOT a season or a trend.  They’re putting in the work, raising awareness and eyebrows and creating an expectation.  Showing that we can win in more categories than just the stereotypical.  We can win without you just throwing us a bone, and we’re not going anywhere anytime soon!  “If you don’t see what you want, create it!” Unknown

So, what can we learn as black women entrepreneurs? What can we learn as blacks in media? What can we learn as black women, PERIOD?

Be accountable and responsible with your platform!

Taraji COLLABORATION speech

COLLABORATION is not a sin!  We can get so much more accomplished together, and there’s enough for ALL of us!  We celebrate them, but won’t celebrate the very women we know and see hustling everyday.  We don’t have to always physically collaborate, but at least get “yo” Taraji clap on!  Taraji clapping for Viola

Taraji’s spirit is infectious!  She makes you want to be a better you!  These women get why our ancestors worked together!

Our insecurities come from fear, not hatred, or not even that we think someone is better, but it’s the fear that has been taught, because of the handouts that were singular and few and far between, so you have women clawing their way to the top, and stepping on others on their way up!  Gabrielle Union admits why she used to be less than sisterly, and being a mean girl during an acceptance speech.

2Timothy 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

We have to learn to clap when it’s not our turn.  Cheer when she wins!  Support when your name isn’t called.

As believers, but we must put our faith where our mouth and heart is, and believe the word of God!  These women have put a tangible mandate before us, and we have a responsibility to continue to pass the baton!

Proverbs 18:16 A man’s gift maketh room for him, and brings him before great men!

Terry D.

img_2336

Resist the devil, and he will flee… 


So you’re single and learning to love the skin you’re in.  All is well with you and your singlesness! Until… after some years of purging, healing, forgiveness and restoration, here comes the test – dressed in a nice suit, standing 6’4″ tall, smelling good and saying all the right things.  It’s your EX! 

Well well well… I’m convinced they can smell your “Im over you” a mile away.  Now the prey begins.  See, when you wanted them to be the hunter, they could barely muster up enough energy to even call you once a day. 

One day as you’re minding your own business, you receive a text out of no where – “Hey!” or “I miss you!” You wipe your eyes, and whisper a few choice words in your head, and I’m sure a few out loud!  Now what? Hey? I miss you? Man listen!  You gather your composure, and start to wonder what he wants. Your mind begins to play tricks on you, and you contemplate whether or not to respond.  

Take your fingers off that trigger.

First phase: Reminiscing about the good times, because you’ve conveniently suppressed the bad ones. You say to yourself, “He did kiss good!”  “I remember when…” 

If you stay here too long, you will find yourself back in the saddle, and that kiss doesn’t feel so good, because the reason you initially broke up, will resurface.  The “Hey” text was just to test the waters to see if you would take the bait!  I’m not saying it can’t work, but when someone really wants you, they GO HARD!  They take the risk that you may say no. A grown man will not text you to rekindle or to see if you’re still interested! 

Phase two:  You start looking for at least one person to validate your foolishness and give you the green light to text him back.  You begin sharing this with your girlfriends.  Girl, can you believe he texted me after all of this time?  There will be at least one out of the three that will cosign, but the other two will hell nawwwww you right out of it!  

We look for reasons to respond, and we need someone else to tell us it’s okay. When you have to ask, you already know there’s a problem.

When you’ve gone through a period of purge, healing, forgiveness and restoration, there will always be something or someone to test your grit. It’s up to you what you will and will not allow. Sometimes it’s just to show us our strength, resilience and restraint, and not to punish us, or give us a reason to revisit the pain!  Trust that your healing has equipped you with the ability to see the situation with a different pair of lenses.  

When someone attempts to come back in your life, and they’re not serious, they will automatically notice the change, but they’ll also use every chance they get to remind you of who you used to be, as to attempt to undermine your current mindset. It sometimes becomes the euphoria of the chase and the challenge of changing your no to yes. 

James 4:7 Resist the devil, and he will flee…

We all become vulnerable at times.  Even if the temptation gets the best of you – no worries, you will be able to tap into your source of faith and peace.  It’s doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just gives you another lesson that will be unambiguous to you in the future.

Terry D. 

In the Blink of An Eye


It was in the blink of an eye, that I began to understand what it truly meant to respect me and my worth!  I spoke my worth into existence, but I also had to begin the process of putting my faith into action, and stop thinking I had to stay in emotionally and mentally draining relationships!  When someone who claims to love you, sits in silence and allows you to suffer and shrink, you begin to internally deplete.  Silence really is golden!  If a person knows you’re willing to accept the least of respect, they will continue to push the envelope.  It’s up to you to not accept it.  It’s up to you to say, “Enough!”  

We stay because we feel an obligation to time, we feel an obligation to history, but our allegiance is to love self FIRST!       Terry D. 

It’s going to hurt like hell, but staying hurts far worse!  It’s like continuously pulling a scab off an old wound.  LOVE DOES NOT HURT -‘PEOPLE DO!  BROKEN PEOPLE PROJECT THEIR PAIN INTO YOU! Yes, into you, because it becomes a part of your spirit, and you feel the weight of their burden everyday. 

It was time to stand up for me.  Time to LOVE ME!  It was time to stop thinking I didn’t deserve someone to value me!  Someone that wouldn’t take advantage of my kindness, but appreciate it.  It is not our job to change anyone, but to be an inspiration by our actions, and expect reciprocation. 

As women, we’re taught to put others before us.   We want to fix everyone, and that’s a tall and unattainable order,  and it leaves us depleted and vulnerable!  I can’t live or love from an empty place.   

How do you arrive at a place of peace and being okay with you?  It’s your faith!  It’s the release of guilt and removing the fear of being alone, and the fear of being judged. The bulk of our decisions in relationships are tied to guilt and what others will think of us.  Don’t suffer in silence, but more importantly, allow your heart to truly heal and forgive!  Practice daily repetition of self affirmation, and remove distractions (People, places and things) that remind you of your past!  Don’t replace pain with a person!  Allow yourself to grieve, or you will end of being the offender of someone else’s affliction.

Terry D.