I’ve witnessed the relationships between women today become almost non-existent.  As women, we are equipped with an abundance of strength, tenacity and resilience, but we can’t capitalize off of it, because of our inability to support one another.  When I was growing up, women had their issues, but they were also”Ride or Die.”  What happened to those values? If my mom was in a bind, there were several people she could lean on for support.  When something good happened to them, they gathered at one house, cooked for one another and celebrated. When I was the youngest woman on my job, the older women took me under their wings, and taught me the ropes, but that concept is long gone.  We’re so afraid if we lend any assistance to one another, they might make it before us.  I’ve grappled over many theories, and none of them really made any sense.  One theory that made more sense than others is; the women in the past had limited resources, but they pulled them together and made it work.  With each generation, we’re afforded more resources, but as we attain more, it makes us more selfish.  Our insecurities are completely exposed the moment we feel threatened. 

The very minute we see someone else living their dreams and achieving their goals, the judgment begins.  Who does she think she is?  I can’t stand her, she thinks she’s better than everyone else, she’s so arrogant, but in reality it’s all silent, but mostly very loud ENVY.   Instead of hoping and wishing someone else fails, get to work on your own dreams.  When you are focused on you, it leaves no room for “HATE.”  My mom always taught me that there will always be someone out there better looking than you, more successful than you, but you can only be the best you, you can be.  God has made us all in His image; therefore, no one can take from you what He has for you!

I marvel when I see women doing their thing – it does my heart good, and only encourages me to know that I can do the same.  When you’re able to celebrate another, it only makes room for the blessings that God has already ordained for you.     

For our past teachings, we inhaled the knowledge and are now breathing an air of love, values, morals and power. -Terry D.

If you dig one ditch you better dig two, because the ditch you dig may be for you. -Mahalia Jackson

-Terry D.

Yes, it is true… It is extra if you come with baggage. I’m fed up with everyone thinking it’s okay to dump their past baggage on me, and thinking I’m suppose to accept it. If you’re not ready to check your bag at the door, then don’t knock at mine, because I don’t have any extra compartments. We all come with extra baggage and issues, but we have to know which bags are too full.

The cold hard truth is, we empty our bags from a previous relationship, and expect someone else to rifle through and sort out our dirty laundry. Before we decide to involve ourselves with someone else, we have to be fair to them, as well as ourselves and detoxify. If you don’t cleanse your heart, mind and spirit of excess emotional and mental baggage, you repeat the same cycle; because you’re looking for someone to else to do for you, what you’re required to do for yourself. It’s almost like a “curse” that won’t go away, because with each relationship you will add another bag.

Don’t be afraid to get some professional help if you think it’s necessary. We tend to think if we seek help, it’s a sign of weakness but it’s actually empowering, because it allows you to unload all your frustrations, and see yourself through a set of objective eyes.   You have to be open and ready to receive the feedback.   

Every relationship carries its own weight of issues, and if you spend too much time trying to clean up your past, your present will soon be your past as well.

In the words of Erykah Badu, “BAG LADY, YOU GONE HURT YO BACK.”

-Terry D.