Category Archives: Marriage

The Love We Lost


No, life is not the same, and yes, life is more complicated now, and there are way more variables that are in play now, but let’s talk about the foundations that were not negotiable, when our parents dated, the ones they hoped to pass onto us, and how they held their marriages together, in spite of…

None of these  lessons start when you’re grown.  These values are put into motion early.  If we want change, if we want the divorce rate to decrease, and the marriage rate to increase  among African-Americans, we have to be the change agents!

seedThe Foundation – They Took Us To Church

All of us knew that Sunday morning was reserved for church.  For that matter, a few more days of the week as well.  Even if we didn’t want to be there, we went, participated, and the seed was being planted and rooted, but somehow along the way, we began giving our children a choice, as we attended service on Sunday, as they stayed home and slept.  Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

The Parents Were Involvedfamily

You couldn’t just pick up a young lady, by blowing the horn, and before you started leaving the house together, there definitely had to be several supervised dates at the house.  They did things together with the family, so that everyone could get to know the character of this young man.  If he didn’t seem to have her best interest at heart, it wouldn’t be long before he was no longer allowed to come around, and even if the daughter was hurt, she respected her parents, because she knew there were consequences.

daddydaughterThe Father Made It Crystal Clear of What was NOT Going to Happen, While Someone Dated His Daughter. 

When a young lady brought home a young man for her parents to meet, the father and the brothers made sure he saw them, and let their presence be known, and the unconditional love they had for her.  Just in case he wanted to disrespect her, by calling her names, put his hands on her or step out-of-pocket for any reason, he knew he would have someone to answer to.  We have to be unapologetic in teaching equal respect to not only our daughters, but also our sons.  It will be reluctantly acknowledged, mimicked and appreciated later.

They Taught Us About Love, Through Actiongrowingold

We may have seen them fight, but we also saw them work through it, and honor their vows. When things got a bit thick, that’s when the foundation helped, because that ‘s when you saw/heard Mama praying.  They loved us enough to discipline us, when we were wrong.  The main component to their love, was that they didn’t fight for power, they shared.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Sometimes, just the basics may be not be enough, but God has always been enough, and that is where the love begins.  You have to put the work in, because our children really do imitate our actions.  It means something to attend church with your parents, It means something to see functional relationships as  a child, it means something to know that love begins at home and it definitely means a whole hell of a lot, when you can use these same tools to keep that foundation together.  

IMAGES CREDIT:  GOOGLE

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences.  Please leave your comments below!

Terry D.

The Best Man Holiday


100313-celebs-best-man-cast-ebony-mag-women-men-16x9Okay, the weekend is over, but everyone is still on a Best Man High! Movie Critics, Bloggers, Social Media and Talk Shows alike, are all raving about it! One of the most highly anticipated sequels, The Best Man Holiday was premiered on Friday, November 15, 2013!  This movie is still riding high, and rightfully so… This is one of the few sequels that did not disappoint, because usually we’re over it by the 2nd, and definitely the 3rd sequel! Who would have thought that after 15 years, the next chapter of The Best Man would have SO many flocking to the theaters?

Although it was slated not to do more than $22 million, with low Box Office Estimates, this movie was selling out before it even premiered, as I waited in line, even after arriving 45 minutes early! Usually, when African-Americans are able to play with the “Big Boys,” and gross over $30 Million, there will always be some negative undertones attached by critics, but who cares, because the numbers don’t lie – point-blank!  As I read the reviews, I had to fix my face, because, USA Today deemed it as a Race-Themed Movie.

www.best-man-2-castBefore I go on, I have to first take my hat off to Director, Malcolm D. Lee, and this ALL Star beautiful African-American and Latino Cast of Actresses and Actors – WOW!  It’s so refreshing to see Black Love play out.  The story line didn’t feed us a delusional fairy tale, but it came with the twists and turns that relationships can have, but at the end of the day, it gives couples a look inside compromise, love, hurt, forgiveness, friendship and the importance of having God in your marriage and relationships. There were so many lessons and insight into all the dynamics that make up the institute of love!

The peaks and valleys!  Every time you began to cry, in comes Terrence Howard to make you laugh! The ending to the movie was not expected, but so emotional, and a brilliant move!  The story line carefully guided you, as viewers became more engrossed, wanting more, but sitting on the edge of their seats, with tissue in hand, as we all waited to see what we eventually figured out, but hoped not to be the truth!

Let me tell you, everyone played their role, BUT the two who impressed me the most in this movie were Morris Chestnut, and yes, him being hot and having his shirt off did help, and Monica Calhoun – I am literally bowing to you!  The entire cast left it all on the table, and did their thing!

malcolm_articleThank you Malcolm D. Lee, first, for this AWEsome sequel, and for telling our love stories, that I feel can only be told by those who get it, and understand the dynamics!  Thank you for proving that Black Love does exist; and for allowing us to see ourselves on the big screen, in ways that others fail to appreciate or acknowledge!  Can’t wait to see what’s next…

Terry D.

Pre – The Best Man Holiday!


bestmanThere has been almost an entire year of build up for the sequel of The Best Man Holiday! Talk about marketing! Kudos to Director, Malcolm D. Lee. The Trailers, Cast Interviews, Talk Show Blitz, and the anticipation is finally over! It is in theaters TODAY!

Couples, groups of girlfriends, bloggers, critics, book clubs and others are flocking to the theaters in droves, and pre-ticket sales have skyrocketed! What makes movies like this so magnetic?

WHY?  Because love stories offer hope, and besides, deep down, people still believe in love, and why not? It doesn’t have to be bought, it feels good, and God is love!

I’ll be back later this weekend, with my BLOGGER views on the movie.

Enjoy, and happy viewing!
Stay tuned…

Terry D.

Are you Marriage Material?


To understand marriage in a Godly sense (which is the only way) is to understand the relationship between God and the Church.

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:  for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  And what communion hath light with darkness?”  2 Corinthians 6:14

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

 STOP THINKING AND LIVING SINGLE-MINDED AND EXPECT TO ATTRACT A HUSBAND!

 If you say you don’t need a man, guess what, you’re not going to attract or get one…  Most women who say they don’t need or want a man is usually because they’re experiencing a dating drought.  Say what you mean and mean what you say!  When did it become an omen to simply say, “I want a man?”  I’m not saying settle for any ole’ one, but it’s certainly okay to want one.

Are you ready to submit? Ephesians 5:22 – 24 Wives submit to your own husband.

Being submissive is not a bad thing.  It actually will open a door of endless possibilities and communication.  As women, we automatically think it’s a sign of weakness if we are submissive, but it’s a way of honoring your husband and God!

Submission doesn’t mean being a doormat, being mistreated or following a man into sin, and going against the principles of Christ.  If you are being told that you have no say in the marriage, that’s not submission, it’s a form of control and mental/emotional abuse.  You are following his lead as a man of God, and trusting that he will do the right thing.

Are you ready to be ONE? Mark 10: 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.

Sometimes it’s difficult for us to become one because we’ve become accustomed to being just ‘me.’  In order to consider working marriage into your life, you have to learn to use proper pronouns (we, and not I).  This means in finances, religion, disciplining your children, but more importantly, you’re now one, so others don’t belong in your marriage.

 Are you up for compromise and sacrifice? Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

 You must remember that the decision is no longer just yours.  There are things that you unequivocally will not be able to do the same as you did as a single woman.  You might have to give up that shopping habit, or even getting  rid of some friends that just may not work into your marriage.  I’m not saying you can’t have friends, but everyone won’t celebrate your happiness!  Surround yourself with couples that are successful in their marriages!  It’s good to experience the positives that certainly come along with Holy Matrimony!

 -Terry D.