Category Archives: Men & Love

WO(man) In The Mirror


Failed relationships can always be traced back to a man? Not so much… Maybe he broke your heart, but I’m sorry to tell you, he’s not solely responsible. The problem with this is, insecurities control more of our actions and reactions, than any one person. We give away our power, when we blame others for our choices… It’s more about The WO(man) in the Mirror! No single or collective myriad of relationship failures can be attributed to another person. Sometimes, it’s because of habitual and inherited generational curses, insecurities and the yearning for love – whether it’s good for us or not.

As soon as something goes wrong, we lash out at the “OTHER” woman! Namely, women we don’t even know, but hold responsible for all of our own relationship woes.

I’ve been to hell and back in relationships, but it made me the woman I am today, but I had to search myself;

The Why’s?

•Why did I allow someone to NOT honor the woman I know I am?
•Why did I stay?

The What’s?

•What did I do to deserve this?
•What will I do to change Me?

The How’s?

•How did I not know?
•How did I keep forgiving him?

I don’t negate the fact that its wrong for someone to disrespect you, but we have to respect ourselves, but more importantly, LOVE US enough to move pass our past, forgive THEM, forgive ourselves and not hold anyone else accountable for our choices…

I love me too much, to allow someone else not to! You can never want for someone, what they don’t want for themselves.

The woman you see in the mirror now, will look different than she did then…

Awareness = Accountability
Blame = Denial

Terry D.

If I Knew Then, What I Know Now

ipad 179Sometimes, we often reflect on our past, and say, “If I knew then, what I know Now.” It is my belief that if I had been equipped with the unforeseen, would I have appreciated the process? There’s always the what ifs, but the process inevitably prepares us for the promise. There are never any chance meetings, but rather pit stops that are temporary detours that may alter our course, but never delaying the destination.

Woe is me, what did I do to deserve this, are the questions we play on repeat in our minds. You are not a victim! Life’s experiences are like a large puzzle, that has those missing pieces that you just can’t seem to figure out, but once you do, you feel a sense of accomplishment, and you exhale. Once you position that last piece, you are very careful not to disturb it, but looking for the most strategic way to place it on a solid foundation, to hold it together.

Now it all seems to make a little more sense. When you’re in the thick of any situation, it seems so much easier to just throw in the towel, but this is your maturing stage, going through the puberty of love and life. It’s uncomfortable, things are changing that we’re not accustomed to, but it’s a part of the preparation.

Appreciation comes from losing some things or people, being tested, taking things for granted and learning to let some things or someone go. If we knew they would hurt, use, abuse and walk out on us, we may just end up being the same way; because people teach you how not to treat the next person.

Take the experiences – good and bad, and they will be your guide to GOOD LOVE, and fewer regrets. Take what you know now as education and wisdom…

Terry D.

Sex in place of Love?

Our first mind would tell us that she’s a tramp, just sleeping around. Most of us would hardly, if ever admit it, but there are more of us than not, that replace love with sex, and sometimes we can’t admit it, because we don’t know it’s what we’re doing. It’s as if we somehow use sex as a drug that gives a temporary fix. Before you even indulge in the act, you may start to feel bad, but somehow, you can’t seem to control it, because it’s all you know – it’s your coping mechanism. It’s a feeling of thinking you will never really find someone to truly love you, so you begin to make yourself believe this is all you have to offer, or hoping if you do it long enough, it will eventually turn into love. We begin the justifications: I’m only human, I have needs, it’s only sex etc.

You tell yourself, that the next person you meet or date, you will take your time and get to know him, but there you are again, faced with the notion that you have to act fast in order to keep him interested, and although we subconsciously know that if he can’t love me for me, and not for just what’s between my legs, I don’t need him; but yet we give in that other conscious that tells us, “It’s okay.” In the heat of the moment, all “common sense” goes out of the window. When we’re alone, we feel like we’ve sold our soul to the devil, and promise ourselves that we’ll never do it again. Self-pity is not going to help you. You have to pray for clarity, forgive yourself and seek out the root cause! There are a number of factors that cause us to believe we’re not worthy:

Broken relationships – Childhood – Abuse – Loneliness and the list goes on…

There is not a price large enough to pay for your dignity and nothing or no one can determine your worth, but you! Sex is just THAT – SEX. It’s a temporary, unfulfilling feel good intimate interaction! I’ve found throughout my life, that there is a clear cut difference between sex and making love. We have sex, until we learn the true meaning of love. When we begin to experience true love, the idea of “JUST SEX” goes out the window, and the emotional ties that bind the two individuals begin to transcend our hearts and minds.

When we experience true love and love making, there is no going back… You want it all or nothing, and now that you know the difference, you are more conscious of your choices, and even if you slip up, you don’t stay there long. Although it seems as though it should be innate for us to value ourselves, life has a way of altering our mindset, but without these experiences, the journey without the experiences are just pop quizzes without a final exam!

Terry D.

The TRUTH about sex…

TRUTH: Sex is not always just a means to physical satisfaction, but rather an illusion of love that masks pain, and falsely fulfills empty intimacy! Terry D.

Are you Marriage Material?

To understand marriage in a Godly sense (which is the only way) is to understand the relationship between God and the Church.

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:  for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  And what communion hath light with darkness?”  2 Corinthians 6:14

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.


 If you say you don’t need a man, guess what, you’re not going to attract or get one…  Most women who say they don’t need or want a man is usually because they’re experiencing a dating drought.  Say what you mean and mean what you say!  When did it become an omen to simply say, “I want a man?”  I’m not saying settle for any ole’ one, but it’s certainly okay to want one.

Are you ready to submit? Ephesians 5:22 – 24 Wives submit to your own husband.

Being submissive is not a bad thing.  It actually will open a door of endless possibilities and communication.  As women, we automatically think it’s a sign of weakness if we are submissive, but it’s a way of honoring your husband and God!

Submission doesn’t mean being a doormat, being mistreated or following a man into sin, and going against the principles of Christ.  If you are being told that you have no say in the marriage, that’s not submission, it’s a form of control and mental/emotional abuse.  You are following his lead as a man of God, and trusting that he will do the right thing.

Are you ready to be ONE? Mark 10: 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.

Sometimes it’s difficult for us to become one because we’ve become accustomed to being just ‘me.’  In order to consider working marriage into your life, you have to learn to use proper pronouns (we, and not I).  This means in finances, religion, disciplining your children, but more importantly, you’re now one, so others don’t belong in your marriage.

 Are you up for compromise and sacrifice? Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

 You must remember that the decision is no longer just yours.  There are things that you unequivocally will not be able to do the same as you did as a single woman.  You might have to give up that shopping habit, or even getting  rid of some friends that just may not work into your marriage.  I’m not saying you can’t have friends, but everyone won’t celebrate your happiness!  Surround yourself with couples that are successful in their marriages!  It’s good to experience the positives that certainly come along with Holy Matrimony!

 -Terry D.