Category Archives: Sex & Intimacy

He, She & Them?

STOP STOP STOP involving everyone in your relationship.  Didn’t your mom teach you, “What goes on in this house, stays in this house?”  If you’re having issues, talk to the person you’re having them with.  No one is a better suitor than your mate.  Outsiders are not always optimistic, and immediately begin to judge without ever having the full story.  Why do we take an outsider’s opinion over logic, and what we already know to be true?  No matter the difficulties, we still know the real “Him.”   

As women, we always accuse men of not communicating, and that may sometimes be true, and you may be a great communicator, but if you’re doing it with everyone but him, what good is it?  Once you begin to paint your mate as this deplorable individual, you can’t be upset with others for the way they view and treat him.  Your friends and family will typically take your side and he won’t have a chance in Hell with them.  Now you’ve placed yourself and your relationship in a constant defensive mode.  It’s nobody’s business what goes on in your relationship.   You have to be mature enough to hash it out, even when it’s not pleasant. 

Wo”MAN” up and handle your business!    The way you handle your relationship woes is only a compass for the direction in which your relationship is headed.  When nosy people are poking around in your relationship, you have to quite frankly, SHUT THEM DOWN!  Misery actually does love company, and it’s up to you in which direction you decide to steer your relationship.  If the relationship is worth saving, have some staying power, figure it out  TOGETHER and keep it moving… 

-Terry D.

Valentine’s Day Blues

Do you have the Valentine’s Day Blues?  There are a lot of singles who feel lonely on Valentine’s Day, but the caveat to that is, there are a lot of women in relationships that feel lonely on Valentine’s Day too!  This is the one holiday that will distinguish your real title of “The One” from “The Jump-Off.”   We usually already know our status, but there are certain indicators that hit home more than others, and you have no one to blame but yourself if you accept it. 

Valentine’s Day has become such an important date to us, that we don’t mind NOT spending the actual day with our significant other, just as long as some sense of acknowledgment is in place.  A band-aid, “if you will,” but when you snatch it off, the same wound and sting still exist.  Valentine’s Day has become a showcase to prove our relationship status to others.  When you go home and the reality kicks in, and you’re left to spend the evening alone, all the flowers, balloons and candy won’t be enough to soothe or mend your broken heart.  If you’re consumed by the visual presentation, you’re setting yourself up for failure. 

If you don’t actually have a “Valentine”, use this as a day to love yourself and not allow yourself to be depressed and  defined by ONE day.  Don’t get me wrong, if you have someone in your life, certainly you should expect to spend it together in your own special way.  In the meantime, start treating yourself the way you want someone else to treat you.  Therefore, the next time Valentine’s Day rolls around, and you have that special “boo” you know exactly what to expect and leave little room for disappointment! 

Love shouldn’t take you out of character, or be dictated to you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

-Terry D.

What’s in a Title?

If you’re in a relationship, do you need to have a title to feel validated?  The majority seems to think a Title carries no weight.  The pessimistic answers are almost the majority in feeling that having a title doesn’t give you any more leverage than having no title.  Having a title to some means security in a relationship.  Whether it seems immature or not, you should always require and define your status in a relationship.   Knowing where you stand, leaves no room for error.  If you’ve spent an inordinate amount of hours with someone, and your interactions resemble that of a relationship, but when you begin to question your relationship status, and the question goes unanswered, you actually did get your answer, and it’s up to you to decide, “What’s in a Title?” 

Certainly having a title doesn’t constitute or guarantee monogamy, but why invest yourself into anyone who isn’t willing to claim you as their “woman” or “man?”  If when you are introduced to friends and family, and there is no title attached, you will then know, “What’s in a Title?” 

“Never make someone a priority who makes you an option.” – Les Brown 

-Terry D.

Is it Just Sex?

The probing question has always been, “Is it just Sex?”  Do men and women have the same feelings the morning after, or even right after.  Studies have repeatedly proven that sex can be just “sex” to men.  Women have argued the fact that they can have sex without emotions  as well.  I polled 50 men and women.  Forty (40) out of 50 men, admitted that they can have sex with no emotional ties, but they did preface that by also saying, “It’s not usually with someone they care about.”  One thing I’ve found is that if a man cares about you, the sex does take on a different meaning.  Forty-seven (47) out of 50 women said they feel a sense of insecurity if they don’t hear from a man after having sex with them.  The other 5% of men said they can’t have sex without emotions, and the other 3% of the women said they have no problem having casual sex. 

Although the conversations are had up front, men usually know that women aren’t able to have sex without having some sort of emotional attachment, but they will “play” along until it gets to be too much for them.  Women more than not, will agree to a “just sex” relationship, because there’s always that thought in the back of their mind that it will eventually develop into something more. 

Even if as a woman, you’re able to have a “no strings” attached relationship, eventually you have a moment of recollection, and begin to question the reasoning behind your actions.  

If you make a conscious decision to have sex with someone, and they’ve already made their intentions clear in the beginning, do you have a right to expect to be treated any different from a “Friend with Benefits?”

-Terry D.