We are all a little (A lot) restless and stir crazy, because of the angst of COVID19, but it’s definitely not the time to allow boredom or loneliness to hijack your progress of healing!
No, the phone calls are NOT harmless
Yes, it’s only “CORONA” temporary, and I’m not talking about the beer
No, it didn’t make them realize what they didn’t have (It was a matter of a phone contact scroll, until someone took the bait)
Just like you’re bored, so are they. They will find someone that will give them attention, but it doesn’t have to be you. Dig deep, and remember WHY they’re an ex! Once this is over, they’ll start to show you exactly that. Right now it almost feels like you’re in the honeymoon stage, but when it’s all said and done, you’ll be in a post pandemic nightmare. There will be so much healing needed after this is all over, so why add the unnecessary?
Stay focused and use this time wisely. Whatever you were doing before, remember that it worked.
Remember your worth – Remember your PEACE – Use the block feature liberally!
CHARACTER – It’s what we do when no one is watching…
🎼As we lay, we forgot about tomorrow as we lay
As we lay, didn’t think about the price we had to pay…🎼
The many Affirmations about Being Single, but all the while, there’s an ex or someone that has an open invitation to your vajayjay. One midnight call, and you’re showering, removing the bonnet, brushing your teeth, spraying on that smell good and sliding on your sexiest thongs.
We all have read the social media status of someone claiming to be:
Single & Saved
Single & Content
Single Does Not Equal Lonely
Single but NOT Settling
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women that are happily single, but on the flip side, there are some that are creeping, and others who don’t consider themselves single, because they have a piece of a man, and will speak of him in terms of “Boo” or “Bae.” You can blame him for participating all day long, but you always have a choice. You’re only responsible for your own actions.
How long will you question why you’re single, before you begin to accept the part you play in your relationship status? Will you keep saying there are no good men; while you contribute to increasing that number, by letting him slip and dip with you in the wee hours of the night, before he returns home to his woman/wife? Will you hide behind the excuse of his woman being stupid for allowing him to do it, or will you just keep lying to yourself, by saying that this actually works for you, because you don’t want a committed relationship? If we’re completely honest with ourselves, no one wants to share, but because of societal and even family pressure, it feels easier to pretend, than to actually face our own naked truth. It’s easier to complain and blame, instead of acceptance and accountability.
You’ll even hear women dog and judge other women, because it throws off the scent off their own stench of deception. Anything done in the dark comes to light, and you definitely reap what you sow.
One thing about them tables, they always turn…
It a vicious cycle that doesn’t always bear the truth, and sometimes the lie begins to feel like the truth, but the caveat to this is, it’s an accepted mentality of not being able to do any better. We can label this behavior, but there are years of insecurities that are associated with it, years of failed relationships that beat down a person’s sense of worth, and it could simply be a mindset of revenge for it happening to them, or it’s a learned behavior from childhood, because it was flaunted as a badge of honor.
No matter how brave someone pretends to be, when the smoke clears, and they’re all alone, there’s a deep sense of loneliness and regret. “This is the last time.” “Next time, I will not answer the phone.” That’s the danger of not having an accountability partner/friend/coach that you can trust, even when the picture is not pretty. They’re not there to judge, they’re there to help you past the hump and make better choices. This is not a process to brave on your own. You need a “Straight No Chaser” friend.
Don’t allow this behavior to become the measure of your fate. We all have the propensity to change, and it comes with faith, forgiveness of self, time and a change of scenery.
Everyone does not define dating the same! What’s on that dreaded ”List” that you cant seem to shake? Don’t make dating a chore. Read up on some tips that might help you to stop making the same mistakes…
CHECK OUT MY LATEST eBook, on the TOP 10 Dating Tips for Men & Women – It’s NOT that Complicated
Dating should never be a chore, and is NOT a cure for loneliness…
How many of us are living our Unadulterated and Unfiltered Truth?
For a better part of my life, I have lived to appease others. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, so I lived the life they envisioned for me, and from there, it was a domino effect of living in the shadows and expectations of others. I can’t quite pinpoint the moment I stopped living a lie and living to please others, but I knew I was suffocating, and needed to take back my life and power!
It was not easy at first, because the adjustments were more difficult for others than it was for me, but I couldn’t focus on that. What I do remember is how it felt to release years of unwanted weight of acceptance and validation. I finally learned how to comfortably exercise my right to say. “No!”
Last year (2017) I published my first book, My Truth – Short Stories of Joy and Pain. My Truth
In my book, I’m able to share my journey to living My Unfiltered Truth! The good, the bad and the ugly! As I was writing, I have to admit that I shed some tears of joy and pain, because while there were some tough reminders of the process, there were also some celebratory tears of conquering my fears.
I announced and released my book at my event, The Terry D. Experience – Removing the Mask, and it was an experience indeed! There were men and women, alike removing their masks, and sharing their experiences!
Well, 2018 is upon us, and I’ve decided to continue the journey of living my Truth. On Thursday, January 18, I launched The first season of my Live Online Talk Show – The Unfiltered Truth, on Facebook. The Unfiltered Truth Live Talk Show is recorded every Thursday at 8:30pm CST.
You can check out the 1st episode right here:
I invite you to join me on this journey to begin releasing the weight of the past, releasing the need to feel accepted, walking in your own truth and living life on your own terms! Above, I’ve provided a link to purchase my book, as well as the link for you to join me on Thursdays for my Live Online Talk Show!
I look forward to hearing from you about your journey to living a life of liberation!
I am 51 years old, single and I’ve never been married, and somehow that makes me an outcast, an enemy and a societal and cultural statistic and leper!
How many times must I hear?
Are you high maintenance?
Is something wrong with you?
Why are you single?
Why haven’t you ever been married?
Who set the standards and guidelines of when I’m supposed to be a wife? Am I somehow unhappy, and do I not measure up because of it? I didn’t know that my very existence was defined by my relationship status!
I can admit that it’s not always easy being single, and whether subconscious or not, I do sometimes envy couples! It can be embarrassing and exhausting having to answer questions about my dating life. I have settled before, I have had some amazing relationships and I’ve been the reason some of my relationships ended, because of my own internal demons.
Judge me if you will, but if not for these struggles that have kept me up many nights, and choices that I’m not always proud of, I wouldn’t be able to face or admit my shortcomings. It’s my sincere belief that I have been personally chosen for this journey – Good, bad or indifferent, because it fuels my purpose!
I no longer live in shame of me or my relationship status! I don’t have to be defined by what is expected of me by people who live in their own den of lies. It’s liberating to know that I’m being saved for someone that will love the “WHOLE” Terry! Not some superficial, insecure person trying to fit in!
I will not be responsible for a man not believing in love, because of my insecurities, and my own lack of trust. I will stand BOLD and accept my truth, and continue to defy the odds of any time constraints that have been placed on me. I’m a work in progress that accepts me at any juncture in my life, and while it doesn’t bother me, it’s not my problem if it bothers you!
Terry D xoxo
There will be some that will argue the position that it’s almost impossible to transition into your next phase of life without closing the last chapter, and others who will say that closure is absolutely not necessary.
“Not receiving closure is toughest when the breakup is unexpected!”
If you’re in the majority who absolutely require closure, you should definitely allow some time before that conversation takes place, because if it’s too soon, the wounds are still fresh, and you want resolve, not more fighting and blame. When that conversation does take place, you have to earnestly be prepared for their, “Why!” Even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t make it any less valid.
When you’re the person looking for closure, but the other person has moved on, and you want answers, you may never get that expected apology. If you were the one dumped, you are more apt to be the one blaming the other person for the failure of the relationship, but when that conversation takes place, you may find they hold you accountable as well, because they now have nothing to lose, so they’re willing to have a no holds barred dialogue. They may also point out some not so desirable characteristics about you, that should have previously been discussed, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t. Closure helps, because inherently; when you don’t receive the answers you have already disposed, it creates a sense of insecurity, because it makes you question your worth.
It is my opinion that no matter the explanation, it will not be an acceptable one, but it gives you an opportunity to vent, ask questions and express your frustrations. We can’t force anyone to have that conversation with us, and we certainly can’t expect the person that hurt us, to also help heal us. It could be as simple as they’re just not into you. There’s no science to handling heartbreak, but time and forgiveness will aid in your road to healing.
It’s difficult to trust when we don’t get closure, and if that’s the case, give yourself time to heal, and be honest with yourself about what you could have done differently, because after you replay the conversation in your head, and you’ve had an opportunity to calm down, you might find some validity in what was said, and this will help you in your growth for your next relationship.
We subconsciously live our lives based on what has been fed into our spirits.
How many of us live our lives based on expectations? It’s not easy to keep up appearances for something that was either taught or mimicked! Despite how much we fight it, our actions and attitude become a reflection of what’s on the inside.
No matter how many lies we bury, the truth will always rear its ugly head. We have repetitive relational behaviors, and it’s easier to blame others, but the truth is; we came to the relationship with baggage that keeps us from fully emotionally connecting. Yes, it’s true that relationships suffer from lack of communication, finances and infidelity, but how much of this is a learned behavior. No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, words carry power, and we subconsciously replay them in our heads, and as a result, carry them into our adult lives, and they take on a part of our character.
How many times have you heard?
Men don’t cry
Do as I say, and not as I do
Men don’t express their feelings
You’re too young to settle down
Don’t worry about what he does, as long as he takes care of home
Don’t upset him
You’re going to be a player
Get your money, if you’re going to sleep with someone
Always keep you a spare, because everyone cheats
Seemingly harmless statements prove to be just the opposite.
At some point, we have to take ownership for our baggage and choices. Our learned behaviors are often passed down from generation to generation, and our dysfunctions become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.
If two people have been taught the same dysfunctional behaviors, it’s difficult to find balance. We fight, we become bitter and we look for a scapegoat. If we’re blessed enough to have someone that was not taught these same behaviors, we emotionally exhaust them, because we become needy, and they not only become a punching bag, but also an emotional receptacle.
Our emotional health has to be a priority. It will allow us to heal past wounds, release generational curses and function in relationships without fear or waiting for the ball to drop. The truth really will make you FREE! Free to LIVE and LOVE on your terms.
If you want to know how I learned to start living my truth, check out my book, My Truth – https://www.amazon.com/My-Truth-Short-Stories-Pain/dp/1478785225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508221603&sr=8-1&keywords=my+truth+terry+connor