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How many of us are living our Unadulterated and Unfiltered Truth?
For a better part of my life, I have lived to appease others. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, so I lived the life they envisioned for me, and from there, it was a domino effect of living in the shadows and expectations of others. I can’t quite pinpoint the moment I stopped living a lie and living to please others, but I knew I was suffocating, and needed to take back my life and power!
It was not easy at first, because the adjustments were more difficult for others than it was for me, but I couldn’t focus on that. What I do remember is how it felt to release years of unwanted weight of acceptance and validation. I finally learned how to comfortably exercise my right to say. “No!”
Last year (2017) I published my first book, My Truth – Short Stories of Joy and Pain. My Truth
In my book, I’m able to share my journey to living My Unfiltered Truth! The good, the bad and the ugly! As I was writing, I have to admit that I shed some tears of joy and pain, because while there were some tough reminders of the process, there were also some celebratory tears of conquering my fears.
I announced and released my book at my event, The Terry D. Experience – Removing the Mask, and it was an experience indeed! There were men and women, alike removing their masks, and sharing their experiences!
Well, 2018 is upon us, and I’ve decided to continue the journey of living my Truth. On Thursday, January 18, I launched The first season of my Live Online Talk Show – The Unfiltered Truth, on Facebook. The Unfiltered Truth Live Talk Show is recorded every Thursday at 8:30pm CST.
You can check out the 1st episode right here:
I invite you to join me on this journey to begin releasing the weight of the past, releasing the need to feel accepted, walking in your own truth and living life on your own terms! Above, I’ve provided a link to purchase my book, as well as the link for you to join me on Thursdays for my Live Online Talk Show!
I look forward to hearing from you about your journey to living a life of liberation!
Terry D.
I am 51 years old, single and I’ve never been married, and somehow that makes me an outcast, an enemy and a societal and cultural statistic and leper!
How many times must I hear?
Who set the standards and guidelines of when I’m supposed to be a wife? Am I somehow unhappy, and do I not measure up because of it? I didn’t know that my very existence was defined by my relationship status!
I can admit that it’s not always easy being single, and whether subconscious or not, I do sometimes envy couples! It can be embarrassing and exhausting having to answer questions about my dating life. I have settled before, I have had some amazing relationships and I’ve been the reason some of my relationships ended, because of my own internal demons.
Judge me if you will, but if not for these struggles that have kept me up many nights, and choices that I’m not always proud of, I wouldn’t be able to face or admit my shortcomings. It’s my sincere belief that I have been personally chosen for this journey – Good, bad or indifferent, because it fuels my purpose!
I no longer live in shame of me or my relationship status! I don’t have to be defined by what is expected of me by people who live in their own den of lies. It’s liberating to know that I’m being saved for someone that will love the “WHOLE” Terry! Not some superficial, insecure person trying to fit in!
I will not be responsible for a man not believing in love, because of my insecurities, and my own lack of trust. I will stand BOLD and accept my truth, and continue to defy the odds of any time constraints that have been placed on me. I’m a work in progress that accepts me at any juncture in my life, and while it doesn’t bother me, it’s not my problem if it bothers you!
Terry D
xoxo
We subconsciously live our lives based on what has been fed into our spirits.
How many of us live our lives based on expectations? It’s not easy to keep up appearances for something that was either taught or mimicked! Despite how much we fight it, our actions and attitude become a reflection of what’s on the inside.
No matter how many lies we bury, the truth will always rear its ugly head. We have repetitive relational behaviors, and it’s easier to blame others, but the truth is; we came to the relationship with baggage that keeps us from fully emotionally connecting. Yes, it’s true that relationships suffer from lack of communication, finances and infidelity, but how much of this is a learned behavior. No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, words carry power, and we subconsciously replay them in our heads, and as a result, carry them into our adult lives, and they take on a part of our character.
How many times have you heard?
Seemingly harmless statements prove to be just the opposite.
At some point, we have to take ownership for our baggage and choices. Our learned behaviors are often passed down from generation to generation, and our dysfunctions 
become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.
If two people have been taught the same dysfunctional behaviors, it’s difficult to find balance. We fight, we become bitter and we look for a scapegoat. If we’re blessed enough to have someone that was not taught these same behaviors, we emotionally exhaust them, because we become needy, and they not only become a punching bag, but also an emotional receptacle.
Our emotional health has to be a priority. It will allow us to heal past wounds, release generational curses and function in relationships without fear or waiting for the ball to drop. The truth really will make you FREE! Free to LIVE and LOVE on your terms.
If you want to know how I learned to start living my truth, check out my book, My Truth – https://www.amazon.com/My-Truth-Short-Stories-Pain/dp/1478785225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508221603&sr=8-1&keywords=my+truth+terry+connor
Terry D.
I find that the majority of single women spend their time trying to figure out how to become a wife, and losing themselves in the interim, and not enjoying the “As I Am” moments and perks; because becoming good enough for someone else makes them neglect self love and self care! Life still has to be lived, and it’s in those moments, that you discover exactly who you are.
Love does not just belong to someone else. It’s about experiencing it first hand – with YOU! When we learn to love ourselves, and in turn, begin to share that love with someone special, we make sacrifices and we compromise.
Explore you – INSIDE and OUT! Take risks and see the beauty of the world and life through your own lense! 
It’s not to suggest that you won’t enjoy the same amenities with someone else, but don’t wait on someone else for life to begin. LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD and with purpose!
Your zest for life and love for self will be infectious. It creates organic and tangible allure.
Don’t allow the blurred lines of society’s pressure to fit in, deter you! Your blessing is ONLY meant for you.
Stay Focused – Don’t Settle – Fools Rush In…
Terry D.
Coach|Speaker|Author
Nope, I’m not perfect, but I am authentically ME!
I’ve made so many mistakes in love, life and relationships. I used to regret my choices, but every single experience was a lesson that shaped me to be ME! We get so hung up on our past, our mistakes, what others think of us and we don’t forgive ourselves. God never said that weapons wouldn’t form, He just said they would not prosper. My purpose is to help others discover their purpose, and to be a tool in their healing and restoration!
I used to think I wasn’t worthy of someone loving me, because I hadn’t learned my worth, and I didn’t know how to love myself. I have constantly been judged for my choices, but I had to learn not to internalize it. It’s easier for others to judge you, and honestly, that’s their problem.
I openly share my life, love and relationship mistakes, because I had to learn not to be ashamed or a victim. We all make mistakes, but we all deserve second chances.
In every single circumstance that I just listed above, came some great lessons and blessings! Sounds crazy, right?
I wrote a proposal to my church for a clothing closet to assist women in shelters, because I was once a recipient, and I wanted to give back, and teach those women that your circumstances don’t define your fate or YOU!
That relationship almost broke me. I didn’t trust anyone, but I also didn’t give up on love. I didn’t stop believing in good men, but most importantly, I am now helping others in their journey, and I’m able to share How I Survived!
In the blink of an eye, I saw myself possibly being taken out. I had to make a decision to change my life, or lose it. I watched my two children look at me with tears in their eyes, as I was carried out on a stretcher with tubes everywhere, with my hands restrained, so that I wouldn’t hurt myself, and it was in that moment that I knew I had a greater purpose, and that my life was not my own! I had to pick up the pieces and start being accountable.
To say the least, none of this was pleasant, but I’ve learned to appreciate that God’s plans are not my plans. I won’t apologize, because I’m me, and I continue to learn and grow.
Don’t allow others to hold your past over you. It was just a test run…
Terry D.
As a culture, we don’t groom our children for family and marriage. Just because marriage may not have worked out for you, or you never walked down the aisle, doesn’t mean you taint the views of marriage to your children. We should always want more for them, than we had/have.
Things we shouldn’t be saying to them:
1. All men are dogs (Lack of Trust)
2. Make sure you get paid first (Soft Prostitution)
3. Women will use you (Lack of trust)
4. You’re a player, don’t get trapped by one woman (Womanizer)
5. Keep her in her place (Promotes abuse)
Our habits, good or bad, are mimicked by our offsprings, and if they see us as women, disrespecting the man in the house, it teaches our daughters not to respect her husband, and our sons to either be doormats or even abusive, because of resentment. We don’t like to use the word roles, until it applies to the heavy lifting responsibilities, like certain chores or finances. I like being a lady, I like feeling safe, I like handing over certain things to him, I like him walking on the outside of me, opening my door. See that’s his “Role.” Yes, there is a surge of single parents, so it becomes second nature to just do things for yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness, if you relinquish carrying out the garbage, or changing a lock. It does take some getting used to. These are all the dysfunctional behaviors we subconsciously teach ourselves and our children, and before you know it, your daughter is saying, “I don’t need a man to take care of me.” In all reality, it feels good to have the option, but when all you’ve seen is Mama doing it for herself, it just seems natural to adopt the same feelings. I talk a lot about generational curses, because it’s the very thing that is tearing the black family apart.
Groom your son for marriage. Don’t teach him to be a player, by telling him at the age of 2, that he’s a pimp, he will be a heart breaker and all the girls are going to love him. Planting seeds of womanizing is dangerous. If you’re a man who likes a lot of women, and you flaunt this in front of both your daughter and son, she will think it’s okay for a man to cheat, and your son will admire your slick ways, and soon mirror them.
Ladies, please stop bringing every Tom, Dick and Harry around your children. Especially your daughter. We can teach our daughters to respect themselves, by how we dress and how we conduct ourselves. Stop looking for a man to pay you for sex. Yes, I said it, because it’s nothing short of hoeing yourself out. Do you wonder why your daughter is now giving it up for a $25 fill in? She felt obligated, because it’s what she’s been taught.
Be the change agent and role model for your children. Teach them to respect the opposite sex. talk to them straight up about sex and respecting not only their bodies, but others as well. They need to know that NO means NO. Abstinence is not “The SIN!”
The not so funny piece to the puzzle is, when we see our children behaving in disrespectful ways like us, we are now angry and ready to beat them down. When the truth is, they learned it from YOU!
Dysfunctional behaviors are created well before they’re teens, and will follow them into their adult lives. It’s easy to create them, but like hell to break and redirect. We do have the power to instill positive and strong influence within them. We have to take our families back!
Terry D.
We have to stop allowing projected imagery to sway our values. It seems that no matter what we believe in, it’s so easily altered by suggestive manipulation through the media. So much so, that we now have more love for, “The Side Chick,” than we do for the wife. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been cheated on before, because what I know for sure, is that God has promised me a life of abundance, and I will not allow myself, or His promise to be cheapened by a woman “Playing the Role,” of a jumpoff..
People are actually now comparing themselves to adulterers that they see on television, and even going so far as to enter the “I Am Mary Jane,” contest to prove it. Their confession videos say, “I’m Mary Jane, because I like sex.” “I’m Mary Jane, because my life is just that messy!” “I’m Mary Jane, because I can have it all.” So now they’ve stooped so low as to go and seek out dysfunctional women who say, they can have their cake and eat it too, because they can relate to Mary Jane? I’m sure we all can relate, but that doesn’t mean, I want that to be the end all, be all for my relationship status.
There are other smaller African American films that portray a little conflict, but shows how to make it work, fight for love, and put in the time. These shows have no chance of making it onto the big screen, and definitely not becoming a series, because for some reason, common sense, Black Love, monogamy, and clean love are not appealing enough to grab the viewer’s attention. We are cynical enough to believe that surely this can’t be real, because if we look at all the shows that are inundating the airwaves, they unapologetically suggest that we are not capable of true love, BUT I refuse to believe the hype, lies and garbage.
So, lets explore a show entitled: He’s Mine, Not Yours – It’s a short film about a reformed womanizer, who is currently committed to his current girlfriend, but because her girl is telling her that all men are cheaters and dogs, she allows it to get in her mind, and now she 
literally pays someone to tempt him… Not only does she hire this beautiful self proclaimed, “Man Stealer,” but she disguises herself, 
to spy on him, of course, with her girlfriend, who continues to tell her that all men cheat. You’ll have to watch the movie to see if he gives in or not! I will say that this man had temptation coming from every end, his boy in his ear, trying to convince him to cheat… Oh yes, it gets good and interesting, but don’t let me spoil it for you, it’s on Netflix right now.
The moral of the story is: I get that we may be tainted by some failed relationships that either we’ve experienced first hand, or from failed marriages that we witness fall apart in our very own families, but that shouldn’t deter our faith in believing that true love does exist! You see, this has absolutely nothing to do with cheaters and dogs, but everything to do with it being easier for us to believe a lie, than to stare the truth directly in the eye! If it’s your fear, face it. If its insecurities, face them, get help. If you don’t believe you’re worth it, STOP RIGHT THERE! Proverbs 31:10 -11 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. 11The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.…
So what is it that we are doing? We’re creating our very own generational curses to pass onto our children. We should not be cheering for the Mary Janes and Olivia Popes. Do I dislike them as women? Absolutely not, but that doesn’t mean I have to support degradation, and nor do I have to force feed it to my daughter. The dialogue for family values is minimal, but on any given Sunday, Tuesday or Thursday night, social media is flooded with the the opinions of RHOA, Being Mary Jane and Scandal.
As I’m scrolling through my newsfeed, most times I can’t tell if people are talking about people they actually know, or whoever the characters are portraying in these shows.
Bottom line – we have to get it together, stop the foolishness and tend to and nurture our own relationships. We’re so consumed with reality television, or shows that make African American women look so freaking desperate, that we now are happy to be the side chick. What sort of ignorance is that? Really? The world can only stereotype what is handed to them on a platter.
Terry D.
Our relationships we develop with our children can determine the relationships they not only build with their own children, but with their significant others. http://www.naturalchild.org/sidney_craig/feelings.html
I know we are adults, and proclaim the right to our own decision-making when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, but it is our parental duty to make sure we are providing our children with the best possible examples and the necessary tools to be productive adults that carry a heart of love and not resentment. While we can’t predict whether they will make sound decisions or not, we have fulfilled our God-given duty to Train them up. Proverbs 22:6 There are fine lines that exist when you are involved in romantic relationships as parents. If you plan on spending a significant amount of time with someone, you have to be assured that they are a good fit for you, as well as your children.
An unhealthy relationship can be an emotional benefactor in the way he/she will view and behave in the relationships they develop. http://www.bizymoms.com/parenting/relationship-with-opposite-sex.htmlOur
Our consciousness of healthy relationships have to be raised to higher standards, because our decisions have a domino effect. Our children are observing and absorbing our unhealthy behaviors…
-Terry D.
-Terry D.
IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D. 