chicago | IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D.

As African American women, it’s difficult for some of us to admit that we don’t always love the skin we’re in, but it’s time for us to believe what we know, and not what we’re told and taught. Our young women and generations to come, lives depend on it…

As black Women, we contend with the systemic racist stereotypes and egregious attempts to keep us pigeonholed into being angry black Women that are only capable of being sexual uneducated beings that have multiple babies, that aren’t capable of competing with women of other races, let alone, good enough to be a wife! Because of this, we often feel ourselves in survival and “Something to Prove” mode. Even as we contend to prove ourselves, we also find ourselves being the oppressor of one another, and like so many others, we divide ourselves based on socioeconomic backgrounds. This is certainly by design, and not by happenstance.

According to the 2016 Census Bureau, African American Women now top the list of the most educated in the country; and although more than half of black women between the ages of 18 and 24 are enrolled in college, the gender and racial inequality continues.

We have tangible everyday success stories that aren’t being recorded, reported or celebrated:

There are so many great historians, literary giants, authors, teachers, entrepreneurs, doctors etc., whose shoulders we stand on, but the good thing about history is that it not only repeats itself, but it passes the baton. It’s time to take the next leg of the race. There are women right now TODAY, that are creating shoulders for future generations. These will be names that our children’s children’s children will get bragging rights to; Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Angela Rye, Oprah Winfrey, Tamron Hall, Jamelle Hill, Tamika Mallory, Shonda Rhimes, Misty Copeland, Ava Duvernay, Issa Rae, Taraji P. Henson, Mara Brock Akil, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Serena Williams, Anita Hill, Condoleezza Rice, Lupita Nyong’o, Mae Jemison, Lena Waithe, and that’s the short list.

These accomplishments should not make us complacent. We can’t allow a few victories to be enough, because we typically lose our steam after a few wins. We have to continue to speak up when we’re not given deserving roles, when we’re being looked over for awards and promotions and not receiving equal pay.

We also have to learn to celebrate those who aren’t celebrities, but are still killing the game, kicking ass and taking names!

How many black Women do you know that’s excelling in their fields and their entrepreneurial journeys?
How many of us are embracing the essence of who we are (natural hair, curves and skin) without shame?
How many black Women do you know that are happily married?
How many women do you know that have multiple degrees?

I will celebrate and name a few that I know personally, or am indirectly connected to: Terry D., Cordelia Lewis, Ni Cole Jean, Melissa Smith-Harper, Lazell Pittman, Veleka Meeks, Gina Lamar, Eden Adele, Jamelia Toya Hand, Tene’ Gray, Cheryl Hand-Jiles, Dr. Shante Holley, Dr. Tiffany Michelle Bellamy, Stacey Emerson, Kristin R. Harris, Sherron Turner, Teslyn Butler, Romina Brown, Erika Porter, Tanya Winfield, Yanni Brown, Dr. Ruby Powell, Cameka Smith, Latoya J. Moore, DeAnna Williams, Bonita Maye, Trina Edmunds, Rachel Green, Ariel Simmons, Alice Foy, Dr. Kiarra King, Cynthia Flowers, Shay Mitchell-Gary, Penny Miller, Tonya Biglow, Bridgette Daniels-Thomas, Shiketa Morgan, Valencia Montgomery, Eve Benton, Tammy Brown, Sibyl Holloway, Nicole Howell-Scott, Jennifer Ashley, Nykki Rae, SharRon Jamison, Ebony Dixon-Truss, Dawj Sangster, Yasmine Brown, Chrishon Lampley, Shuntella Richardson, Tosh Patterson, Larvetta Loftin, Micaela Brown, Amber Johns, Felencia Terrell, Mirion Green, Megan Harper…

Please like share/comment – Let me know your thoughts

Terry D.

Yes, it’s true, loving Me, has not always been easy! I faked my happiness, because I wanted what everyone else told me I was supposed to have, what others may have been pretending to have and what society tells us, we’re incomplete without. Hell, for that matter, I was told that I would never find love by people who loved me, because I either didn’t look the part, or it just would never happen for me. This journey to loving me, has taught me some painful, but valuable lessons. You see, we think we love ourselves, based on shallow and superficial things, but that’s just a mask of deception, that helps us shield ourselves from the truth. If we check our records of love, we can trace a lineage of heartache, that we kept accepting, because it served its purpose at that time. Some we attracted, simply because we needed to feel a semblance of something that mimicked love.

It really is true that hurt people, hurt people. While on your search for love, you attract people who aren’t whole either, and you BOTH hurt one another. We convince ourselves that this person loves us, because our common thread is so familiar, but definitely not healthy.

When I discovered I didn’t love me, I sat in the middle of the floor, and cried for hours. That’s when my journey to discovery of real love began – how to love me, and STOP looking for others to do it for me. Nope, it didn’t magically just happen, but I was more aware of my actions, and what I allowed.

TODAY, I couldn’t be more comfortable with me, and whether it be personal or otherwise, the people and things that attach to me, has to be healthy and of service to my well being. If not, I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes, and I’m able to either help them on their journey, or know when to say, “WHEN!”

When I am asked questions from my clients, or just those who are on their own self discovery love journey, I listen with an open mind and heart, because this is a familiar road that is not easy, and definitely shouldn’t be judged. However, I am honest.

It’s so amazing how open I am to love, although it was the single most difficult thing to trust for years upon years. I still struggle a little, but my faith keeps me, and I see God working through me. I’ve had some near misses, but now it seems that love keeps finding me in every area of my life, and it feels so damn good!

It may not have been easy, but it has actually been worth it, because it was my journey to take… In the words of a woman I admire so very much, my literary giant, “Maya Angelou,” I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now!

Terry D.