Depression | IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D.

How many of us are willing to admit that the failure of love has kept us up at night, or caused us to even cry ourselves to sleep? I have loved and lost, and even swore off love, but then I find myself right back in the trenches of wanting to share my heart with someone else, but often feeling trapped from the fear of losing it again. We’re told that we should love ourselves enough to not allow someone else not to, but it’s not always so easy now is it? We don’t always feel comfortable confessing that we don’t always want to be so strong, but instead, we want to feel sorry for ourselves, just for a moment. Even though it doesn’t solve anything, it’s a temporary satisfaction that helps for now…

In my journey, I find myself meeting others that are ready to explode, because they walk around for years, with bottled up lies of how they really feel when they broke up with someone, afraid to admit that they stayed longer than they should have, or that they even think about getting back with someone that might not be good for them, or maybe have even done it, but feel ashamed to admit this, and is emotionally isolated in their actions, because of their fear of judgment. Some of our behaviors are subconscious, but it will take someone that can identify with you, and be able to accept you for you.

It’s not that we’re not capable of loving ourselves; we just really have to be honest, and accept that we are NOT perfect, and we will not live up to all the pressures that are placed upon us. So damn what if you slip up. You won’t be the first or last. Here’s the thing – the only reason we’re afraid to share our relationship botches, is because the other people you’re talking to, are not always telling you the whole truth either, and we think we’re in this alone, and let’s be honest, people feel better, if it’s not them failing. Sometimes we feel like a loser, when we tell “Our TRUTH!”

Love is not exact, and you may screw it up more than once, and yes you have to learn to love you, but you have to figure out how to do that, and as long as you’re honest with yourself, you will feel less worried about pleasing others, and get back to the business of navigating your own missteps and letting yourself off the hook when it doesn’t go exactly as planned. It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to learn to meet others and yourself exactly where you are right now!

In the words of Usher, “These are my confessions.”

Terry D.

The Holidays can be tough for singles. This is when you see so much love being exemplified among families and even strangers, but the flip side to that is, it is such a depressing time for singles to watch couples relish in their love.

1. If you’re single, spend time with family and friends, attend holiday parties, go to church functions and keep yourself busy. Try to focus on all the many blessings that you have, instead of what you don’t have. When we keep our focus positive, and not allow idle minds to become the devil’s workshop, the possibilities are endless, and who knows, maybe the “single” life may be a distant memory.

2. Volunteer your time to those less fortunate, because as we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, there is always someone that is worse off than us. This usually puts things in perspective for us. Count your blessings…

3. I don’t suggest listening to sad music, or watching sad movies. As much as Christmas music and movies can be very heartwarming, they can also be just as depressing, and way too self-reflective on our failed relationships. Songs like, “What do the lonely do at Christmas,” just adds fuel to the fire. I love Christmas movies, but they can offer unrealistic offerings that just further piss you off.

4. What usually helps me is, journaling. No matter how bad it seems, when I can compare and reflect on where I was a year ago, I’m always grateful for my blessings and progression.

5. Last, but not least – OKAY, this is thinking outside the box, but I suggest googling singles groups in your area, because you are never as alone as you think you are. In order to get things you’ve never had, you’ve got to be willing to do things you’ve never done!

REMEMBER THAT FORGIVENESS IS YOUR FREEDOM TO RELEASING YOUR FEAR AND SECURING YOUR FUTURE!

NOW, let’s get started to a happier and healthier holiday season! Even if you feel sad for a moment, just remember, it won’t last forever, and that your future is so much brighter than your past!

Terry D.