Tag Archives: Disputes

Black Girl Magic, Black Girls Rock, Blogging, Dreams and Visions, Love and Relationships, Restoration

My 2017 Mid-Year Goals Review

June 29, 2017 Terry D. 1 Comment

This year has been rewarding and productive, but not without its challenges. This has been my year of living, “Intentionally.”

JANUARY

On January 19, 2017, I self-published my first book, My Truth. My Truth is a non-fiction novelette, that will give you an insight into the twists and turns of my personal failures and successes in love and relationships – in hopes to help others in their own journey to healthy love. I grappled with the idea of baring my soul to the world, but when it was all said and done, I knew my testimony was meant for someone else, so I stopped questioning God’s plan. This project was so much bigger than me, and I couldn’t worry about what others would think of me. This has been one of the most liberating things I’ve done in my life, and the feedback validates my decision to be obedient.

FEBRUARY

For a few years now, I have been speaking and training for everyone else. I have attended events of amazing men, women and organizations, where they shared their journey and helped so many others discover their purpose. I knew I had it in me to do the same, but I allowed fear to cripple me. It was all I could think and talk about, but I made every excuse in the book, to avoid actually acting on my passion. Finally, I just began researching, planning, preparing and executing. I only shared it with a select few, because I didn’t want any reason not to follow through. I had a plan, an agenda and a budget. Searching for venues was not an easy task, but I was all in. I looked and I looked and I looked. Finally, I booked the venue, paid my deposit and just like that, there was no turning back. It was really happening – February 4 to be exact.

To say the least, it was surreal and rewarding, but not because I finally did it, but because of the real masks that were removed and the lives that were transformed. Men and women alike, shared their unadulterated truth, and it became a domino effect of testimonials. It was an experience indeed, and no one left there the same way they arrived. Spirits were renewed, and the attendees left with a sense of purpose and hope – knowing they’re not alone in their journey to wholeness, removing their masks without shame and Living their Truth!

MARCH

March gave me a moment to catch my breath, reflect, and shift my gears to 2nd Quarter goals, obligations and commitments. I used this time to refuel and follow up on the progress of some clients I was coaching and confirm engagements. On March 25, I was the Keynote Speaker for the “Unapologetically Me” Women’s Luncheon, hosted by Nikita Legrone of Exclusive Extraordinary Events.

While I was there to impart knowledge and pour into other women, it was humbling to hear their, “WHY!”

Why they had to make their way there
Why they had lost hope
Why they felt God had given up on them

APRIL & MAY

Can you say, “RESET?” Not that I’m ever allowed to take it off, but it was time to put on my full Mommy hat. I had to switch gears, and focus on my personal obligations. I am the very proud Mom of my mini me. It was planning time for my daughter’s Prom and Graduation. I did not plan much during these months, because she deserved all of my uninterrupted and full attention. Such proud moments that you can never get back, have to be your priority. I enjoyed every moment of watching her come into her own over the years, and the reward of watching her get transformed into a princess for Prom is indescribable. The pride of watching your daughter who the doctors said wouldn’t make it to see the age of 18, had me up plenty of nights in this season, with tear stained pillows of joy and gratitude for God’s mercy!

JUNE

I’m still recovering from the Prom and Graduation festivities, but she’s over it and me by now. I guess it’s back to business as usual. This is not the time to chill. I have the remainder of my year accounted for and planned. I’m now planning for 2018. I’ve done some photo shoots to plan for upcoming promotions and doing my due diligence for upcoming opportunities. After all of that, I do take time to pour back into me. It’s a continued struggle to have work-life balance, but it’s necessary for your sanity, and not to become overwhelmed. I have to make some me/we time, and ensure I’m not taking my daughter for granted…

Stay tuned for upcoming events for the remainder of 2017!

Terry D.

Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

He Didn’t Lie to You – You Chose Not to Listen

April 20, 2015 Terry D. Leave a comment

Nope, he didn’t lie, but what you heard, and what you thought you would change, are two different things! Don’t set yourself up for failure! People will tell you the truth several times, in several different ways, exactly who they are, and what they want, but we don’t take it at face value, because they continue to hang out with us, because they know their intentions, and just might not care enough to protect yours. People feel like, if they tell you their intentions, and you stay, you’re good with it.

People change when they’re ready, and for the person who inspires them to. It has nothing to do with you, because regardless of all our efforts to try and make this person see how amazing you are, or how good you can be together, it has to be reciprocated and felt from both ends.

One thing I’ve learned to be a fact is, men and women don’t have to spend an inordinate amount of time together, to evaluate what they want. Women almost know from the first date, if she’s going to sleep with you, and he knows if he values you enough to make you a priority and his only! There aren’t really any gray areas there. Now of course, we continue to grow together and our feelings change, we become more involved, but if we’re completely honest, sometimes you’re just a filler; and its up to you to decide if you’re okay with that…

Terry D.

Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Reality TV, RHOA, SCANDAL, Being Mary Jane, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Mothers, Unhealthy Relationships

For The Love of The Side Chick

February 18, 2014 Terry D. 4 Comments

We have to stop allowing projected imagery to sway our values. It seems that no matter what we believe in, it’s so easily altered by suggestive manipulation through the media. So much so, that we now have more love for, “The Side Chick,” than we do for the wife. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been cheated on before, because what I know for sure, is that God has promised me a life of abundance, and I will not allow myself, or His promise to be cheapened by a woman “Playing the Role,” of a jumpoff..

People are actually now comparing themselves to adulterers that they see on television, and even going so far as to enter the “I Am Mary Jane,” contest to prove it. Their confession videos say, “I’m Mary Jane, because I like sex.” “I’m Mary Jane, because my life is just that messy!” “I’m Mary Jane, because I can have it all.” So now they’ve stooped so low as to go and seek out dysfunctional women who say, they can have their cake and eat it too, because they can relate to Mary Jane? I’m sure we all can relate, but that doesn’t mean, I want that to be the end all, be all for my relationship status.

There are other smaller African American films that portray a little conflict, but shows how to make it work, fight for love, and put in the time. These shows have no chance of making it onto the big screen, and definitely not becoming a series, because for some reason, common sense, Black Love, monogamy, and clean love are not appealing enough to grab the viewer’s attention. We are cynical enough to believe that surely this can’t be real, because if we look at all the shows that are inundating the airwaves, they unapologetically suggest that we are not capable of true love, BUT I refuse to believe the hype, lies and garbage.

So, lets explore a show entitled: He’s Mine, Not Yours – It’s a short film about a reformed womanizer, who is currently committed to his current girlfriend, but because her girl is telling her that all men are cheaters and dogs, she allows it to get in her mind, and now she literally pays someone to tempt him… Not only does she hire this beautiful self proclaimed, “Man Stealer,” but she disguises herself, to spy on him, of course, with her girlfriend, who continues to tell her that all men cheat. You’ll have to watch the movie to see if he gives in or not! I will say that this man had temptation coming from every end, his boy in his ear, trying to convince him to cheat… Oh yes, it gets good and interesting, but don’t let me spoil it for you, it’s on Netflix right now.

The moral of the story is: I get that we may be tainted by some failed relationships that either we’ve experienced first hand, or from failed marriages that we witness fall apart in our very own families, but that shouldn’t deter our faith in believing that true love does exist! You see, this has absolutely nothing to do with cheaters and dogs, but everything to do with it being easier for us to believe a lie, than to stare the truth directly in the eye! If it’s your fear, face it. If its insecurities, face them, get help. If you don’t believe you’re worth it, STOP RIGHT THERE! Proverbs 31:10 -11 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. 11The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.…

So what is it that we are doing? We’re creating our very own generational curses to pass onto our children. We should not be cheering for the Mary Janes and Olivia Popes. Do I dislike them as women? Absolutely not, but that doesn’t mean I have to support degradation, and nor do I have to force feed it to my daughter. The dialogue for family values is minimal, but on any given Sunday, Tuesday or Thursday night, social media is flooded with the the opinions of RHOA, Being Mary Jane and Scandal.

As I’m scrolling through my newsfeed, most times I can’t tell if people are talking about people they actually know, or whoever the characters are portraying in these shows.

Bottom line – we have to get it together, stop the foolishness and tend to and nurture our own relationships. We’re so consumed with reality television, or shows that make African American women look so freaking desperate, that we now are happy to be the side chick. What sort of ignorance is that? Really? The world can only stereotype what is handed to them on a platter.

Terry D.

Disputes, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships

Pick your Battles

March 12, 2012 Terry D. Leave a comment

Why do we insist on creating unnecessary strife, both consciously and subconsciously? We need to pick our battles, because every situation does not warrant an argument or screaming match. Most of our aggressive behavior toward resolution comes from how we saw others in our families or those closest to us resolve disputes. We have to choose which path we will take in order to maintain the peace, as well as our sanity. They say, “That sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I completely disagree, because words can cut like a two edge sword. Sometimes it’s like an out-of-body experience that takes over and we begin shooting below the belt, and these are things that we can’t take back no matter how hard we try.

After we retire to our separate corners and think about all that has transpired, we replay each horrific word that was exchanged and a sense of regret comes over us, wishing we could have a do over. The sad part about it is, each time we go through this, we know what the end result will be, but can’t seem to control our erratic emotions.

More than not, the arguments stem from something that has nothing to do with him/her, but as simple as having a bad day at work, or someone else has made you upset for the day, but we bring all this excess baggage home with us. If these are things that you have identified as triggers, you can make the decision to take some quiet time to yourself until you have calmed down. This way, you can discuss what made you upset, and your mate can offer solace and not feel like they’re being attacked. He/She is not the enemy!

The simple things we argue about:

The infamous toilet seat
Dinner choices
Temperature of the house
What to watch on television

The first thing you must do is sit down and calmly discuss the reasons for the disputes and find a better way to discuss them without flaring tempers. As mature adults, you have to make the decision of what’s more important, you winning or your relationship. The core reason why the argument continues is because we want to have the last word. If you feel you are not able to resolve your disputes without it escalating, it’s time to get some professional help and get to the root of the real problem. You will find that the disputes usually stem from something deeper than what’s on the surface.

Pick your battles and learn to walk away. It’s perfectly okay to apologize, even if you feel you were right! Compromise and humility goes a long way!

-Terry D.