Tag Archives: Dysfunctional

Let’s Talk Scandal


I know it’s on a brief hiatus, but let’s talk Scandal!  The oh-so addictive Weekly TV Series, with rhimes_primaryalmost 9 million viewers that airs every Thursday night on ABC, written by the brilliant Shonda Rhimes, from my hometown, Chicago, Illinois and Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy!

Kerry

Scandal starring, the beautiful, talented, Emmy nominated Actress, Kerry Washington, the public and social media appointed “It Girl,” who plays Olivia Pope, the HEAD Gladiator!  Yes, I know it’s only a TV series, but it can sometimes offer hope to the already delusional group of women who think their lovers will leave their wives.  

The steamy love scenes between Olivia and Fitz Scandal-scene3have the viewers glued to their televisions every week, and without hesitation, rooting for the mistress, and not the wife!  So what is it that makes us root for the mistress? Do we root for her, because she is who she is, because she has a no non-sense attitude, or because we just love the adrenaline we feel, with the suspense and drama of it all?  Married women say they don’t agree, but can’t resist their love for the attraction between Olivia and Fitz; and single women say, the wife is crazy or stupid, because she actually wants Olivia to remain in her husband’s life, so that her husband can stay happy.  I will say that, I believe most people root for Kerry Washington (Olivia Pope), because of her poker face character, her famous line, “It’s handled” and not to mention, her stellar and couture style of dress!   I do often wonder if it were our own husband, would we be so forgiving of the mistress?  It’s funny how we really fool ourselves into thinking this doesn’t affect our personal lives, but when you’re in the salon, or even the barber shop, you hear people comparing people they know who may be the “side chick,” or “jump-off” to the scenes in scandal.    It can be slated as entertainment, but when people want to believe in something bad enough, they begin to imagine themselves as these very characters they see on-screen. If you don’t believe me, why else would women who can’t even afford it, rush out to buy the very clothes we see Olivia Pope, (Kerry Washington) wearing on the show, especially the infamous White Burberry Coat she adorned, that had social media in an uproar, and sold out almost immediately when she herself admits that she doesn’t even wear the clothes you see her in each week?  More than anything, we overlook her affair with the President, and get lost in the power – wanting to encompass her television lifestyle, without regard to the messy and dysfunctional characteristics.  With all her power, intelligence and sought after professional expertise, she has lost all control over her personal life and ability to make sound decisions when it comes to love and relationships.

Media outlets offer suggestive manipulation on a daily basis, and just maybe adults are able to separate what’s going on in this TV series, but what about what’s being suggested to our young women?  Would you want your daughters growing up thinking these behaviors are acceptable?  Regardless of the entertainment, we have to guard our children’s spirits, and not allow them to get entangled in the webs of deceit!  Between the reality shows, videos and shows that glorify adultery, they begin to adopt these same traits, and view them as normal behavior.

My questions:  Can Scandal be viewed as a learning tool for those who may be in these situations?  Should we just look at it as entertainment or do we turn the channel?

Sound off…

Terry D.

Scandal Olivia Pope FashionThe infamous black and white evening gown, and a few styles that have viewers scurrying to the internet to see who the designer is, and how they can purchase them:

Dysfunctional Relationships


20130523-023401.jpgWhen I broke up with my ex, I thought he was the blame for me being dysfunctional in relationships. Yes, it’s true that he was a habitual cheater and liar, but after I knew this to be the case, I still stayed. Now you tell me, who was to blame? I rationalized and victimized myself. While I knew what I desired in a relationship, and what I had in this relationship, didn’t add up; I couldn’t seem to bring myself to end it. The sleepless nights and uncontrollable crying began to feel normal. I started to only focus on the few good things to make it look like we had the picture perfect relationship. Besides the few who knew the truth, everyone else bought it. I knew I had fallen out of love with him, but it felt better having a man, than not.

When I woke up from this daily nightmare that I physically lived out, it was as if I had been hit by a mountain of rocks, and knew if was time to take back my heart! I had no one to blame, BUT MYSELF!!! I began planning my mental, emotional and physical escape. I had to retrace my steps, and figure out when I became addicted to him, rather than loving him. I went back to the root of the problem, and began digging.

You see, when I was younger, although I saw my parents have a successful marriage, I also saw others that I trusted around me, cheat and lie, and women who accepted mental, emotional and physical abuse. Somehow, society used to be taught not to talk about certain things, and that you’re suppose to hang in there, regardless… Deep down, I knew none of this was right, but I used it as a crutch, and I thought it was too late to get out; but I never lost that voice that continued to scream in my ear — RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, and don’t look back!

I didn’t leave right away, not without a few more lessons that chipped away at my heart. No matter what anyone said, I had to leave when I knew I had enough, because you manage to drown out logic. Everyday was the day… Then “THAT” day, I began to pray for release! I cut off all communication, I began living for me, and I no longer allowed satan to live in my head. As I began to listen to reason, which had never really left, God began to restore me. Trust me when I tell you, he tried every trick in the book, but not this time, I made sure I brought different weapons to the table This time around. I stopped trying to do it on my own!

I can now admit that it took YEARS to rid my heart and spirit of these demons, and for years I gave him an open invitation to my heart, and once I finally mentally let him go, he no longer had any claims to me, and although he was so egotistical that he thought he would always have me, he had no clue that it was finally OVER, and that nothing he could say or do could stand up against the POWER of God’. I knew that the GOD that I serve, would not forsake me. My final freedom came when I forgave him, but more importantly, I forgave myself…

Being addicted to someone, is as powerful as being addicted to anything else. Don’t ever think you can kick the habit without faith and help.

Terry D.

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