Tag Archives: Family

Anger Management, Blogging, Chicago Blogger, Conflict Resolution, Covid-19, Depression, Disputes, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Hope, Journeys, Life, Love and Relationships, Mental Health, Pandemic, starting over, The Unfiltered Truth, Thriving

Covid-19 Be Informed, Be Safe, but Not Consumed

March 27, 2020 Terry D. 2 Comments

In a world of Uncertainty, Mayhem, Fear and Utter Chaos, we should stay informed, but not become consumed and allow this pandemic to make us lose our hope and faith! I’m not making light of this, but half truths and information overload, can leave us depressed and anxious.

Who could have imagined this?

This is just the First Quarter of 2020, and life as we know it has completely been altered! Let’s not allow the opposing team (The Enemy) to get in our heads! Even if this takes us into overtime, we will WIN! While we feel inconvenienced by being ordered to quarantine, think about those who are fighting for their lives! Makes you put things in perspective, right?

We have family members that can only rely on third party information about their hospitalized loved ones
We have college students that have to postpone their graduations, or even be forced to participate virtually
We have weddings being postponed
We have High School graduates that may never get to experience the novelty of Prom, not to mention, the uncertainty of graduation dates

Remember when we complained about never having enough hours in the day to get anything done? Now we’re complaining about all of the time we have to do nothing! Don’t take this time for granted. UNPLUG from the news and social media for periods of time, and stay centered in your own peace, and know that this is only a temporary interruption of simple things we take for granted. It may not feel like it, but it could be a blessing in disguise for some.

Most times, our busy lives keep us from having to deal with our reality.

A mischievous child
A toxic relationship
Unfinished projects
Internal battles

Find the joy in the little things

It’s time to put things in perspective and prioritize. What lessons can we take away?

Have I saved enough money to not have to rely on a bandaid for a gunshot wound? ($1,200 Stimulus Check)
Am I using my time to increase my faith and relationship with God
Secure more than one stream of income
Stop putting off tomorrow, what you can do TODAY
Tell your loved ones you love them
Don’t take your health for granted
Use your time wisely
Thrive don’t just survive
Appreciate the gift of LIFE and LOVE, and don’t treat your relationships like a chore

It’s my sincere hope that we come out of this; appreciating every breath, not taking our liberties for granted, loving on our families, and LIVING – not just surviving and existing!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

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Anger Management, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Family, Forgiveness, Generational Curses, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Restoration, Single Ladies, Single Men, Single Mothers, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

Is Your Truth Buried in a Lie?

October 17, 2017 Terry D. 2 Comments

We subconsciously live our lives based on what has been fed into our spirits.

How many of us live our lives based on expectations? It’s not easy to keep up appearances for something that was either taught or mimicked! Despite how much we fight it, our actions and attitude become a reflection of what’s on the inside.

No matter how many lies we bury, the truth will always rear its ugly head. We have repetitive relational behaviors, and it’s easier to blame others, but the truth is; we came to the relationship with baggage that keeps us from fully emotionally connecting. Yes, it’s true that relationships suffer from lack of communication, finances and infidelity, but how much of this is a learned behavior. No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, words carry power, and we subconsciously replay them in our heads, and as a result, carry them into our adult lives, and they take on a part of our character.

How many times have you heard?

Men don’t cry
Do as I say, and not as I do
Men don’t express their feelings
You’re too young to settle down
Don’t worry about what he does, as long as he takes care of home
Don’t upset him
You’re going to be a player
Get your money, if you’re going to sleep with someone
Always keep you a spare, because everyone cheats

Seemingly harmless statements prove to be just the opposite.

At some point, we have to take ownership for our baggage and choices. Our learned behaviors are often passed down from generation to generation, and our dysfunctions become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.

If two people have been taught the same dysfunctional behaviors, it’s difficult to find balance. We fight, we become bitter and we look for a scapegoat. If we’re blessed enough to have someone that was not taught these same behaviors, we emotionally exhaust them, because we become needy, and they not only become a punching bag, but also an emotional receptacle.

Our emotional health has to be a priority. It will allow us to heal past wounds, release generational curses and function in relationships without fear or waiting for the ball to drop. The truth really will make you FREE! Free to LIVE and LOVE on your terms.

If you want to know how I learned to start living my truth, check out my book, My Truth – https://www.amazon.com/My-Truth-Short-Stories-Pain/dp/1478785225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508221603&sr=8-1&keywords=my+truth+terry+connor

Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Family, Forgiveness, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Interracial Relationships, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Restoration, starting over, This Is Us, Unhealthy Relationships

This Is Us (The Melting Pot)

October 10, 2017 Terry D. 2 Comments

Cue the Kleenex please…

The anticipation has been building, and once we saw Sterling K. Brown walk away with the Emmy, we sat on the edge of our seats, not so patiently awaiting Season 2 of This Is Us!

This show embodies a multitude of layers and facets of love. It all came by the way of innocence and tragedy – in other words, by God’s design!

This is a show that not only demonstrates that Black Love is not taboo, but it also defies the stereotypes and shifts the trajectory of how we define love and family. This is an emotional story that unfolds, and helps viewers to believe in love again.

The death and birth of an infant, would begin this story of tragedy and triumph of this not so picture perfect American family, as defined by society, but would teach a family that’s not bound by blood, to love without conditions, and equip them with strength for the unexpected.

Regardless of this Melting Pot Family, it does not negate their love and family dynamic, but rather demonstrates love through the lens of those who feel unloved beyond the lines of color, weight and social status. Their differences are actually what help seal their relationships, without contrived limiting beliefs!

This Is Us teaches us forgiveness and acceptance in the deepest sense!

We’re now a couple of episodes into the new season, and still on the edge of our seats, because it’s so riveting, that it pulls you into their story line, and restores your sense of faith and hope in humanity.

This Is Us airs on NBC on Tuesdays at 9/8 CST

Let me know your thoughts, and please SUBSCRIBE, SHARE, LIKE AND/OR COMMENT!

Terry D.

Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy

The Journey…

February 13, 2014 Terry D. 2 Comments

Laugh together…

Play together…

Cuddle…

Don’t stop dating…

Never take the little things for granted…

Terry D.

Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Parenting, Sex & Intimacy

The Love We Lost

January 9, 2014 Terry D. Leave a comment

No, life is not the same, and yes, life is more complicated now, and there are way more variables that are in play now, but let’s talk about the foundations that were not negotiable, when our parents dated, the ones they hoped to pass onto us, and how they held their marriages together, in spite of…

None of these lessons start when you’re grown. These values are put into motion early. If we want change, if we want the divorce rate to decrease, and the marriage rate to increase among African-Americans, we have to be the change agents!

The Foundation – They Took Us To Church

All of us knew that Sunday morning was reserved for church. For that matter, a few more days of the week as well. Even if we didn’t want to be there, we went, participated, and the seed was being planted and rooted, but somehow along the way, we began giving our children a choice, as we attended service on Sunday, as they stayed home and slept. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

The Parents Were Involved

You couldn’t just pick up a young lady, by blowing the horn, and before you started leaving the house together, there definitely had to be several supervised dates at the house. They did things together with the family, so that everyone could get to know the character of this young man. If he didn’t seem to have her best interest at heart, it wouldn’t be long before he was no longer allowed to come around, and even if the daughter was hurt, she respected her parents, because she knew there were consequences.

The Father Made It Crystal Clear of What was NOT Going to Happen, While Someone Dated His Daughter.

When a young lady brought home a young man for her parents to meet, the father and the brothers made sure he saw them, and let their presence be known, and the unconditional love they had for her. Just in case he wanted to disrespect her, by calling her names, put his hands on her or step out-of-pocket for any reason, he knew he would have someone to answer to. We have to be unapologetic in teaching equal respect to not only our daughters, but also our sons. It will be reluctantly acknowledged, mimicked and appreciated later.

They Taught Us About Love, Through Action

We may have seen them fight, but we also saw them work through it, and honor their vows. When things got a bit thick, that’s when the foundation helped, because that ‘s when you saw/heard Mama praying. They loved us enough to discipline us, when we were wrong. The main component to their love, was that they didn’t fight for power, they shared.

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Sometimes, just the basics may be not be enough, but God has always been enough, and that is where the love begins. You have to put the work in, because our children really do imitate our actions. It means something to attend church with your parents, It means something to see functional relationships as a child, it means something to know that love begins at home and it definitely means a whole hell of a lot, when you can use these same tools to keep that foundation together.

IMAGES CREDIT: GOOGLE

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Please leave your comments below!

Terry D.

Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Parenting, Single Mothers

Raise Your Son to Love Early

March 13, 2012 Terry D. Leave a comment

As single moms, we have to do better at teaching our sons to love, and that crying does not make him weak. We shouldn’t want to raise our sons to be the men we don’t want to date or marry. I’ve found that as single parents, we try to overcompensate for the lack, inadvertently becoming enablers. We don’t correct them if they have multiple girlfriends, we wait on them hand and foot and we don’t teach them to clean or cook because we want them to grow up and be manly men.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and she was telling me about how her son had his own apartment, but when he wants to cheat, he brings his other girlfriends to her house. I was stunned as she told me this story as she laughed saying, “Girls are so stupid.” As my mouth hung open, I thought to myself, are you the stupid one, and is she serious? Not only is she teaching him to be disrespectful to women, but did she ever stop to think, she would never want a man to treat her in this manner, nor would she want someone to treat her daughter like that. I’m sure we’ve all had similar conversations with our girlfriends, and they’re joking and saying, “Girl he is a trip.” He has more women that I can keep up with, or we’ve been that mom uttering those same words ourselves. I’m sorry, but I don’t see the humor in this. Double standards can sometimes send the wrong message. As “Modern Day” moms, we accept any and everything, and we try to be our children’s friend and not their parent. It’s also in the way we conduct ourselves as single women in relationships. If we are flaunting multiple men in front of them like we’re running an escort service, we are essentially teaching them that it’s okay to be disrespectful to women, because that’s what mama did.

I think we take for granted that they just know better, but that’s not always the case. I was having a conversation with a family member of mine (early 20’s) and explaining to him, how it wasn’t cool to lead women on. His interpretation was that it was okay for him to go out with multiple women if he wasn’t having sex with them all. He asked, “What’s the big deal?” If they don’t mind, why should I?”

When my siblings and I were growing up, my mom didn’t tolerate disrespectful behavior toward women from my brothers. If they had a girlfriend, she was the only one allowed in our home. She made it clear to them that her home was not a motel, and if that’s how they were going to conduct themselves, they wouldn’t do it around her.

We teach our boys not to hit women, we teach them not to initiate fights, how to read and write and all the essentials they need to grow to be productive adults, so why is it so difficult to teach them to respect women?

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

-Terry D.