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We often ask ourselves so many questions as to why we’re single? Why we keep entering into bad relationships? What is it about me that keeps attracting the same men/women? What or who is the common thread? Y – O – UUUUUUU! Are you accountable for you and your actions/choices? Women like to believe that it’s because there are no good men. Maybe there are some men that don’t want a monogamous relationship, but those are the men that you stay away from. Instead, we continue to entertain them, and wonder why our relationships fail. Men think that some women are after their money. Well, if you don’t want that, stop flexing like you’re a baller, and get mad when thirsty women flock to you.
“Our consequences are often the result of our irresponsible choices!” Coach Terry D.
It feels good to say, “I’m no longer going to accept BS from anyone.” However, saying it,
and actually living it is a different story. You’re changed and taking no prisoners, right? Sometimes, we have to take inventory of ourselves, and not others. If there are still pieces of you that haven’t let go of the OLD you, for fear of not being attractive; you’ll still be attractive, and you will also stop attracting the same kinds of people. You can’t live an inward lie, and walk around trying to fool the public. It’s like telling people you’re celibate, but that’s only because you don’t have anyone. The real test comes when you are in a relationship, and you still stick to your commitment of celibacy.
You want change?
Start with you…
Look in the mirror, and tell yourself the cold hard truth. I mean the things you would probably never admit to anyone else. The things that will even make you look at yourself crazy. If you know you’ve been using sex to get what you want, admit it to yourself, and pray for deliverance of promiscuity and insecurity. If you lust after someone else’s man, look inside of you, to learn why. Sometimes we’ve lied to ourselves so long, that it feels better to accept the lie, rather than face our truths, because it doesn’t feel good to think that we could be the problem.
Write down all the things you did wrong in past relationships – NOT THE OTHER PERSON! This is a purge, a self-proclamation, a faith walk, healing, repentance, accountability and STARTING OVER! You can have affirmations, and lie to yourself all you want, but if you don’t honestly make real changes; I mean character changes, and not get into a relationship until you have earnestly made these changes, you will have a long road ahead of you that yields repetitive results of heartbreak.
You have to be ready to receive the relationship that you desire. You have to be a woman or man about yours, and know when someone is or is not good for you, and be willing to let go, and know that this was just a test run, and not feel the need to answer to anyone else, or live your life based on expectations of others.
You’ll know when you’ve turned the corner, because you feel the change inside of you. The conviction will be in your spirit. You’re no longer attracted to the same things, sex is not the driving force in your quest to relationships, you will begin to attract the kind of men/women that you want, and be able to say no to the ones you’re not equally yoked with. Love really is not as hard as we make it. We stumble our way through the dark, trying to make it perfect! It wasn’t meant to be perfect, it is meant to serve you both in the capacity that makes you happy, shows mutual respect, protects and guards the heart, forgives and trust.
If anything in this BLOG has resonated with you, or maybe you know someone that can benefit from it, please share, and let me know your thoughts. Thank you!
Coach Terry D.
We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different. Coach Terry D.
while, that it’s a slam dunk. Make sure you always remember to greet one another with a kiss. The sizzle will fizzle, if you’re not putting in the work to keep your relationship relevant. Cook together, bathe together, play twister together! (You won’t finish. Thank me later) If you’re not a creative person, Google ideas, but make it happen! Do A Sexy Dance for HimLove you | Remove Dead Weight | Talk | You’re a Team | Date | Make Love & Keep it HOT
Coach Terry D.
There has been a great deal of stories looming about Black Women and their singleness, or lack of chances to get married. An African-American Author, Ralph Richard Banks wrote a book entitled, Is Marriage for White People? : How the African-American Marriage Decline affects everyone. In this non-fiction book, he writes, “Single is the new black!” He also recommends that African-American women open themselves up to be willing to enter serious relationships with men of other races and backgrounds, and he argues this will improve black men and women alike. Needless to say, the African-American community strongly disagrees, but there are some that would argue this same case. There are statistics out there that say that 42.4 % of African-American Women will not get married, which is from an old US, Census. In 2014 the US Census Bureau cited; 86% of 
Black Men have a Black Wife, and 94% Black Women have a Black Husband.
We also have a video circulating, The Myth of the Single Black Female, which gives you an insight into how the media has spread this information for years, and how we as blacks are accepting this as our truth. The disparity in the numbers are alarming. WHO ARE THEY TALKING TO?
It seems to me that the more educated African-American men and women are, the more attractive and accepted they are to other races, even in the case of them not intellectually measuring up themselves. As blacks, we have begun to feed into these fallacies and consider other races as a prize, and the more we attain, the further away we move away from our own men and women. We expect more and place more stipulations on black men and women that we date, than we do on non-blacks. We have to be a certain kind of dresser, we have to look a certain way, our hair has to be a certain way, and even after all these years, we still are battling color lines within our own race. The Light vs. Dark! That is a stigma that goes back to slavery days, where the light were allowed in the house, while the dark had to stay outside.
The problem lies within our own issues within our culture. Our inability to identify what we lack, and that it is not as complicated as others would have us to think. As long as someone can plant a seed of negativity, and make Black Women Believe That It’s Time to Give Up on Black Men is misguided and disrespectful.
None of this is to suggest that there is a problem with interracial relationships in the least bit, but it does raise the question, of why we’re led to believe that within our own community, that we believe it’s okay to mistreat black men and women, or judge them, just because you choose not to be with them. It creates a form of dissension and resentment. Your mother, sister, aunt and not to mention, your daughters are watching and taking notes.
African American Couples who are making it work, despite the statistics and stereotypes:
President Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama 
What are your thoughts?
Coach Terry D.
Laugh together…
Play together…
Cuddle…
Don’t stop dating…
Never take the little things for granted…
Terry D.
I know it’s on a brief hiatus, but let’s talk Scandal! The oh-so addictive Weekly TV Series, with 
almost 9 million viewers that airs every Thursday night on ABC, written by the brilliant Shonda Rhimes, from my hometown, Chicago, Illinois and Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy!
Scandal starring, the beautiful, talented, Emmy nominated Actress, Kerry Washington, the public and social media appointed “It Girl,” who plays Olivia Pope, the HEAD Gladiator! Yes, I know it’s only a TV series, but it can sometimes offer hope to the already delusional group of women who think their lovers will leave their wives.
The steamy love scenes between Olivia and Fitz 
have the viewers glued to their televisions every week, and without hesitation, rooting for the mistress, and not the wife! So what is it that makes us root for the mistress? Do we root for her, because she is who she is, because she has a no non-sense attitude, or because we just love the adrenaline we feel, with the suspense and drama of it all? Married women say they don’t agree, but can’t resist their love for the attraction between Olivia and Fitz; and single women say, the wife is crazy or stupid, because she actually wants Olivia to remain in her husband’s life, so that her husband can stay happy. I will say that, I believe most people root for Kerry Washington (Olivia Pope), because of her poker face character, her famous line, “It’s handled” and not to mention, her stellar and couture style of dress! I do often wonder if it were our own husband, would we be so forgiving of the mistress? It’s funny how we really fool ourselves into thinking this doesn’t affect our personal lives, but when you’re in the salon, or even the barber shop, you hear people comparing people they know who may be the “side chick,” or “jump-off” to the scenes in scandal. It can be slated as entertainment, but when people want to believe in something bad enough, they begin to imagine themselves as these very characters they see on-screen. If you don’t believe me, why else would women who can’t even afford it, rush out to buy the very clothes we see Olivia Pope, (Kerry Washington) wearing on the show, especially the infamous White Burberry Coat she adorned, that had social media in an uproar, and sold out almost immediately when she herself admits that she doesn’t even wear the clothes you see her in each week? More than anything, we overlook her affair with the President, and get lost in the power – wanting to encompass her television lifestyle, without regard to the messy and dysfunctional characteristics. With all her power, intelligence and sought after professional expertise, she has lost all control over her personal life and ability to make sound decisions when it comes to love and relationships.
Media outlets offer suggestive manipulation on a daily basis, and just maybe adults are able to separate what’s going on in this TV series, but what about what’s being suggested to our young women? Would you want your daughters growing up thinking these behaviors are acceptable? Regardless of the entertainment, we have to guard our children’s spirits, and not allow them to get entangled in the webs of deceit! Between the reality shows, videos and shows that glorify adultery, they begin to adopt these same traits, and view them as normal behavior.
My questions: Can Scandal be viewed as a learning tool for those who may be in these situations? Should we just look at it as entertainment or do we turn the channel?
Sound off…
Terry D.
The infamous black and white evening gown, and a few styles that have viewers scurrying to the internet to see who the designer is, and how they can purchase them:
I am often intrigued by all the relationship riffs and woes I read about on a daily basis. Couples are not able to friend one another on facebook, or your mate going so far as to hack into your page to spy on your social media activity. There have been horror stories of creating fictitious profiles, in order to spy. If we allow social media to be the root cause of our split; it’s more than likely we were already headed for doom in the first place. There has to be a level of trust established before we ever get to this point. Passwords shouldn’t be a prerequisite in order to feel secure in a relationship. Plain and simple, if you’re in a good/great relationship, why are you spending so much time on these social media sites in the first place?
If you’re checking your mate’s status every hour on the hour to see if they’re behavior is suspicious, let’s be honest, you didn’t need a status update to validate this for you.
The other catalyst to this growing problem is, we have allowed social media to ruin a perfectly good relationship, because we don’t spend enough time with our mates, because even if we’re in their presence, our attention is solely focused on checking our status, tweeting your every move, checking in and the list goes on. If I’m not interesting and intriguing enough for you, then don’t be with me.
The most dreaded use of social media is in Church! Really? God is not worth a couple of hours of your time. How do you post that church is, “Off the Chain,” if you’re involved? Yeah, that’s when you know you’ve gone too far…
Social media is just that. It can be a great resource, but dont’ let it ruin your relationship with your mate, spouse or God.
-Terry D.
IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D. 