Tag Archives: Love Chapters

Beneath the Surface ( Joy & Pain)


IMG_1136You think she’s bitter, but she’s broken from being deceived and lied to for so long. Look beneath the surface! It’s not you she’s upset with, and maybe she just hasn’t figured out how to make sense of it all, but she may just need your patience and gentleness. If you think about it, you haven’t always been where you are either, but someone else may not have had patience with you.  It was for a reason, not a lifetime – so that you’re able to be with someone who understands you, and it may not be as easy to obtain, but it will be worth it. Don’t give up! She needs to know that you’re not like the rest. Often times, the one that thinks they’re saving someone, needs to be saved also, but they don’t know that until it actually happens.

The 3 things that you need to do to hold on:

1. Trust the God in you, and share your own fears and insecurities.IMG_1137 There’s something about knowing that you can relate to one another, and don’t mind showing your vulnerability.

2. Keep sex out of it, until you’ve established trust. It only clouds your judgement, and places you back at square one.

3. Love her through and out of the pain.

This is both your opportunities to learn to love again, set your own rules and put the past behind you!

Terry D.

 

 

 

These Are My Confessions


these are my confessionsHow many of us are willing to admit that the failure of love has kept us up at night, or caused us to even cry ourselves to sleep?  I have loved and lost, and even swore off love, but then I find myself right back in the trenches of wanting to share my heart with someone else, but often feeling trapped from the fear of losing it again.  We’re told that we should love ourselves enough to not allow someone else not to, but it’s not always so easy now is it?  We don’t always feel comfortable confessing that we don’t always want to be so strong, but instead, we want to feel sorry for ourselves, just for a moment.   Even though it doesn’t solve anything, it’s a temporary satisfaction that helps for now…

In my journey, I find myself meeting others that are ready to bandaged heartexplode, because they walk around for years, with bottled up lies of how they really feel when they broke up with someone, afraid to admit that they stayed longer than they should have, or that they even think about getting back with someone that might not be good for them, or maybe have even done it, but feel ashamed to admit this, and is emotionally isolated in their actions, because of their fear of judgment.    Some of our behaviors are subconscious, but it will take someone that can identify with you, and be able to accept you for you.

It’s not that we’re not capable of loving ourselves; we just really have to be honest, and accept that we are NOT perfect, and we will not live up to all the pressures that are placed upon us.  So damn what if you slip up.  You won’t be the first or last.  Here’s the thing – the only reason we’re afraid to share our relationship botches, is because the other people you’re talking to, are not always telling you the whole truth either, and we think we’re in this alone, and let’s be honest, people feel better, if it’s not them failing.  Sometimes we feel like a loser, when we tell “Our TRUTH!”

Love is not exact, and you may screw it up more than once, and yes you have to learn to love you, but you have to figure out how to do that, and as long as you’re honest with yourself, you will feel less worried about pleasing others, and get back to the business of navigating your own missteps and letting yourself off the hook when it doesn’t go exactly as planned.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to learn to meet others and yourself exactly where you are right now!

In the words of Usher, “These are my confessions.”

Terry D.

Loving Me, Ain’t Always Been Easy


Terry D.Yes, it’s true, loving Me, has not always been easy! I faked my happiness, because I wanted what everyone else told me I was supposed to have, what others may have been pretending to have and what society tells us, we’re incomplete without. Hell, for that matter, I was told that I would never find love by people who loved me, because I either didn’t look the part, or it just would never happen for me. This journey to loving me, has taught me some painful, but valuable lessons. You see, we think we love ourselves, based on shallow and superficial things, but that’s just a mask of deception, that helps us shield ourselves from the truth. If we check our records of love, we can trace a lineage of heartache, that we kept accepting, because it served its purpose at that time. Some we attracted, simply because we needed to feel a semblance of something that mimicked love.

It really is true that hurt people, hurt people. While on your search for love, you attract people who aren’t whole either, and you BOTH hurt one another.  We convince ourselves that this person loves us, because our common thread is so familiar, but definitely not healthy.

When I discovered I didn’t love me, I sat in the middle of the floor, and cried for hours. That’s when my journey to discovery of real love began – how to love me, and STOP looking for others to do it for me. Nope, it didn’t magically just happen, but I was more aware of my actions, and what I allowed.

TODAY, I couldn’t be more comfortable with me, and whether it be personal or otherwise, the people and things that attach to me, has to be healthy and of service to my well being. If not, I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes, and I’m able to either help them on their journey, or know when to say, “WHEN!”

When I am asked questions from my clients, or just those who are on their own self discovery love journey, I listen with an open mind and heart, because this is a familiar road that is not easy, and definitely shouldn’t be judged. However, I am honest.

It’s so amazing how open I am to love, although it was the single most difficult thing to trust for years upon years. I still struggle a little, but my faith keeps me, and I see God working through me. I’ve had some near misses, but now it seems that love keeps finding me in every area of my life, and it feels so damn good!

It may not have been easy, but it has actually been worth it, because it was my journey to take… In the words of a woman I admire so very much, my literary giant, “Maya Angelou,” I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now!

Terry D.

Love, Being Single & The Holidays


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The Holidays can be tough for singles.  This is when you see so much love being exemplified among families and even strangers, but the flip side to that is, it is such a depressing time for singles to watch couples relish in their love.

 

1.  If you’re single, spend time with family and friends, attend holiday parties, go to church functions and keep yourself busy.  Try to focus on all the many blessings that you have, instead of what you don’t have.  When we keep our focus positive, and not allow idle minds to become the devil’s workshop, the possibilities are endless, and who knows, maybe the “single” life may be a distant memory.

 2.  Volunteer your time to those less fortunate, because as we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, there is always someone that is worse off than us.  This usually puts things in perspective for us.  Count your blessings…

3.  I don’t suggest listening to sad music, or watching sad movies.  As much as Christmas music and movies can be very heartwarming, they can also be just as depressing, and way too self-reflective on our failed relationships. Songs like, “What do the lonely do at Christmas,” just adds fuel to the fire.  I love Christmas movies, but they can offer unrealistic offerings that just further piss you off.

4.  What usually helps me is, journaling.  No matter how bad it seems, when I can compare and reflect on where I was a year ago, I’m always grateful for my blessings and progression.

5.  Last, but not least – OKAY, this is thinking outside the box, but I suggest googling singles groups in your area, because you are never as alone as you think you are.  In order to get things you’ve never had, you’ve got to be willing to do things you’ve never done!

REMEMBER THAT FORGIVENESS IS YOUR FREEDOM TO RELEASING YOUR FEAR AND SECURING YOUR FUTURE!

NOW, let’s get started to a happier and healthier holiday season!  Even if you feel sad for a moment, just remember, it won’t last forever, and that your future is so much brighter than your past!

Terry D.

Are You a Wife with Benefits?


I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man! Because I’m a WOMAN!  You remember the Enjoli commercial

PleasingherrszI hear so many women say what they wouldn’t do just because a man says he likes it. i.e. haircut, certain color lipstick. Well, now maybe that’s why you may not have a man, or can’t keep one. What’s so wrong with wanting to look good for your significant other?  Instead, because it makes us feel like we’re being weak, we do the complete opposite. That’s where we completely throw out the notion of compromise. We always say that men aren’t as complicated as us, and to me the simple things are an easy fix. Don’t be afraid to put in the extra work and effort.

“My wife only wears makeup when I’m around because she knows I like it.” -Jerry T. He also said that it makes him want to give her the world, because she cares enough to do something she wouldn’t normally do.

YOU KNOW HOW THERE ARE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? BE A SPOUSE WITH BENEFITS!

I had a conversation with a friend, and she shared some of the things that her husband expressed that he liked about her, and she made it happen.  She said,

“I certainly don’t do it for me, but I noticed the difference in his reaction to me, when I started doing some of the things he said he likes.” Anonymous

When we wanted to get them, we pulled out all the stops, but then we just STOP! Where/how does that make sense? When I used to tell my boyfriend that I liked his cologne, he was giddy, and when I saw him, he would have that cologne on. He knew how to dress, but considered my feelings enough to ask me what color suit he should  wear, or what color tie. These are the things that keep us interested and excited about one another. There is nothing wrong with submitting to your husband/wife. Stop trying to prove a point, because it will get you no where, but back to a single status real fast. When someone knows that you not only value their opinion, but you’re willing to go out of your way to oblige them, the possibilities are endless.

Why do we insist on making things harder than they have to be? I’m sorry, but some things are just not rocket science, and I don’t want to go through life upset and disgruntled. We complain about so many things in our relationships, and when you have simple solutions, why not just do it!  The truth is, we do those little things for him, but just don’t want him to know that.  Why play games? Let him know that you value his opinion…

Terry D.

Don’t Just Stop At I Love You…


Love is not new, and it doesn’t have to be reinvented, but you do have to put in the work.   It’s not something that you pray for, and STOP there. 

Complacency is the enemy of achieving a solid foundation.   I don’t care how long you’ve been with someone, it doesn’t give you a license to:

1.  Quit caring about their feelings
2.  Caring about your appearance
3.  Communicating your feelings
4.  Stop dating one another
5.  Stop complimenting one another
6.  Stop having fun
7.  Stop loving them like it was the 1st time

This journey is not for the faint at heart, or those who have no staying power.  You have to be in this, and be willing to put in the work.

Your #$@& does stink, and so you have to learn to put up with a few things that may not always smell like roses, and you may get a few pricks along the way, but keep planting seeds of love, endurance and patience!   Love keeps no record of wrong.  Let that ish go, and on to the next! 

Don’t just stop at I love you. Love is an action word…

Terry D.
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Quiet the Enemy


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Quiet the enemy, and claim what’s yours!  Your husband, your wife, your victory, love, peace, joy and a life of abundance.  Yesterday has no place in what’s to come…

Terry D.

The BOSS Network Blogger’s Brunch


It has always been a blessing to be in good company, and build strong relationships with like-minded professionals! As I continue to evolve, the relationship I’ve learned to have with myself, has afforded me the wherewithal, and create opportunities to open doors that continue to cultivate positive, meaningful and strong relationships with others. The Blogger’s Community is huge, not always understood, but when you’re around other Bloggers, they get it. The hustle, the passion and endless possibilities. So when I was invited to share in the BOSS Blogger’s Brunch hosted by, Cameka Smith, CEO of The BOSS Network, which stands for, Bringing Out Successful Sisters, I was beyond elated, to share in an opportunity to continue building relationships with other bloggers, because regardless of our subject focus, the relationships between us are parallel in passion and profession! Cameka hosted this BOSS Blogger’s Brunch in honor of her new partnership with Caress. We were graciously given gift bags, with tons of Spring Body Scents from Caress! #CaressMe

Caress just partnered and signed the Grammy Award a Winning a Singer, Kelly Rowland as their Spokesperson! Kelly Rowland

 

 

 

Please take a look at some of these phenomenal fellow Blogger Professionals, who were very liberal in sharing their highs, lows, successes and failures, that have ALL continued to give them unrelenting drive!

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If I Knew Then, What I Know Now…


I wonder if I knew that although you’re a man, but still carry my sometimes loud words of discord and negativity to the core of your heart, and how it emasculated you, would I still be so inconsiderate? If I knew that sometimes, you just need me to listen to you and SHUT UP, you need me to run you some bath water, and let you have a few moments, would I take all your burdens to heart, and leave them where they belong (in the streets), and just love you, even stroke your ego, when needed and let you melt into my arms, lay your head on my breast, take a deep breath and allow us to become one?

You see, I wonder if you knew how many nights I sat up and cried, how many conversations I’ve had with you in the mirror, would you still lie to me, would you still cheat on me, would you still dishonor me, by laying with me, and not only never marry me, but not even love me? If you knew that when we broke up for the 5th time, that along with that went my trust, a piece of me, and with all that, I gained insecurities and probably a few pounds? If you saw your daughter go through this same pain and anguish, would you turn over a new leaf?

Is it too late for me to learn to honor you as a man, and will you now see me in a different light?

If only we could have a day to live inside the heart of the person we love, maybe it would shift the winds of love, and begin to bridge the gaps of divorce, teach us how to appreciate the opposite sex for who they are, and not for who we want them to be. We could be trendsetters for generations of couples to come…

Terry D.

The Journey…


Laugh together…

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Play together…

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Cuddle…

Cuddle

Don’t stop dating…

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Never take the little things for granted…

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Terry D.