Tag Archives: Love & Relationships

Black Girl Magic, Blogging, Countdown, Dreams and Visions, Family, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Meghan Markle, Prince Harry, Royal Wedding, Vlogging

Countdown to Prince Harry & Meghan Markle’s Wedding Day

April 25, 2018 Terry D. Leave a comment

I’m sure the anxiety builds around the world, as everyone counts down the days, hours, minutes and seconds to the Wedding Day of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The couple formally announced their engagement on, November 27, 2017, and wasted no time in announcing their wedding date soon after.

The Royal Wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan is set to take place on, Saturday, May 19, 2018, which is unprecedented, because most Royal Weddings are held on a weekday. The wedding will begin at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, Windsor, United Kingdom, at 12 Noon. After the ceremony, they will undertake a carriage procession from St George’s Chapel through Windsor town returning to Windsor Castle along the Long Walk. The couple really wants to make the wedding fun and ensure that the public will feel a sense of inclusion. The reception will be held at St. George’s Hall.

In lieu of wedding presents, the couple is asking for charity donations, but wants to focus on charities for HIV, Homelessness and the children of fallen soldiers, just to name a few.

Prince Harry and Meghan will definitely bring a breath of fresh air to the traditional expectations. The public speculates and tries to predict what, if anything will set this couple apart. Will they follow the rules? Will they be Royal Trendsetters, and how will this change the trajectory of the expected Royal “Norm?” It is reported that the couple is breaking from the ceremonial traditions, and injecting a modern flavor of music. Karen Gibson and the Kingdom Choir — considered one of the top ensembles in the country — have been tapped to perform as has 19-year-old cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason, who was the first black musician to win the BBC Young Musician of the Year award in 2016. Prince Harry is definitely cut from the the cloth of his late mother, Princess Diana, which was known for, and often frowned upon for setting her own rules.

The initial focal point of everyone except the couple and their families, was the race of Meghan. Meghan is biracial, and was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. Her parents are; mother, Doria Ragland, who is African American, and her father, Thomas Markle., who is Dutch and Irish. Meghan’s father was a longtime TV Lighting Director.

There have been sporadic leaks of information about details of the wedding, but what’s a Royal Wedding without a little suspense and speculation brewing in the rumor mill?

Who will design her dress?
Who will perform?
Who’s the Who of Who on the Guest List?
Who will be Meghan’s Bridesmaids?
Will Trump attend? Was he even invited?
Will the Obamas attend?

With great anticipation and excitement, we’ll all have to wait with the rest of the world, to have our burning questions answered…

Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Forgiveness, Insecurities, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Restoration, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

Why Closure Can Help & Hurt

December 14, 2017 Terry D. Leave a comment

There will be some that will argue the position that it’s almost impossible to transition into your next phase of life without closing the last chapter, and others who will say that closure is absolutely not necessary.

“Not receiving closure is toughest when the breakup is unexpected!”

If you’re in the majority who absolutely require closure, you should definitely allow some time before that conversation takes place, because if it’s too soon, the wounds are still fresh, and you want resolve, not more fighting and blame. When that conversation does take place, you have to earnestly be prepared for their, “Why!” Even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t make it any less valid.

When you’re the person looking for closure, but the other person has moved on, and you want answers, you may never get that expected apology. If you were the one dumped, you are more apt to be the one blaming the other person for the failure of the relationship, but when that conversation takes place, you may find they hold you accountable as well, because they now have nothing to lose, so they’re willing to have a no holds barred dialogue. They may also point out some not so desirable characteristics about you, that should have previously been discussed, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t. Closure helps, because inherently; when you don’t receive the answers you have already disposed, it creates a sense of insecurity, because it makes you question your worth.

It is my opinion that no matter the explanation, it will not be an acceptable one, but it gives you an opportunity to vent, ask questions and express your frustrations. We can’t force anyone to have that conversation with us, and we certainly can’t expect the person that hurt us, to also help heal us. It could be as simple as they’re just not into you. There’s no science to handling heartbreak, but time and forgiveness will aid in your road to healing.

It’s difficult to trust when we don’t get closure, and if that’s the case, give yourself time to heal, and be honest with yourself about what you could have done differently, because after you replay the conversation in your head, and you’ve had an opportunity to calm down, you might find some validity in what was said, and this will help you in your growth for your next relationship.

Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, starting over

6 Steps to Healthy and HOT Love

January 20, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different. Coach Terry D.

Start with you – Sacrificing time to spend with yourself. (Make this non-negotiable) When you’re clear of frustrations and worrying about your next move, it gives you time to FOCUS on RIGHT now!!! You’re now able to give the necessary attention to your relationship.
Remove distractions and unhealthy people. Three’s a crowd, and unwanted interference does nothing but create dissension, tension and create high levels of unwarranted stress! Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:9 It’s not easy to walk away from unhealthy people or things, but it is very necessary. Until we release dead weight, we don’t always realize how much it has affected the health of our relationships.
Talk to one another, and be present! I know women talk more than men, but take this time to really talk and listen with your heart, and not just your ears. Ladies, that doesn’t mean go on a rant – know when to say, “When!” Sometimes we live with someone, day in and day out, and have no idea what they do or go through everyday. You appreciate your mate more, when you know what they’re dealing with. It changes the way you react to one another, and it makes you be more understanding of their moods – good or bad. Sexting is a great way of communicating with your mate, and will increase their anticipation and urgency to get home to you.
If you want a healthier relationship, and you want to make changes, include your mate! This is a team effort. Your time together doesn’t include phones, social media or television. Reacquaint yourselves. We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different.
Date one another. Don’t take for granted that just because you’ve been together a while, that it’s a slam dunk. Make sure you always remember to greet one another with a kiss. The sizzle will fizzle, if you’re not putting in the work to keep your relationship relevant. Cook together, bathe together, play twister together! (You won’t finish. Thank me later) If you’re not a creative person, Google ideas, but make it happen! Do A Sexy Dance for Him
For the love all things sensual, don’t make sex boring and monotonous. Don’t stop making love, and make it interesting. It’s not always about the position, but the imagination and creativity. Quality over Quantity. Role play, and know when it’s time to make love and when it’s time to GET IT IN! This will take your sex life to the next level, and create a renewed sense of intimacy!

Coach Terry D.

Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy

The Journey…

February 13, 2014 Terry D. 2 Comments

Laugh together…

Play together…

Cuddle…

Don’t stop dating…

Never take the little things for granted…

Terry D.

Cheating, Disputes, Interracial Relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies

Let’s Talk Scandal

January 18, 2014 Terry D. 4 Comments

I know it’s on a brief hiatus, but let’s talk Scandal! The oh-so addictive Weekly TV Series, with almost 9 million viewers that airs every Thursday night on ABC, written by the brilliant Shonda Rhimes, from my hometown, Chicago, Illinois and Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy!

Scandal starring, the beautiful, talented, Emmy nominated Actress, Kerry Washington, the public and social media appointed “It Girl,” who plays Olivia Pope, the HEAD Gladiator! Yes, I know it’s only a TV series, but it can sometimes offer hope to the already delusional group of women who think their lovers will leave their wives.

The steamy love scenes between Olivia and Fitz have the viewers glued to their televisions every week, and without hesitation, rooting for the mistress, and not the wife! So what is it that makes us root for the mistress? Do we root for her, because she is who she is, because she has a no non-sense attitude, or because we just love the adrenaline we feel, with the suspense and drama of it all? Married women say they don’t agree, but can’t resist their love for the attraction between Olivia and Fitz; and single women say, the wife is crazy or stupid, because she actually wants Olivia to remain in her husband’s life, so that her husband can stay happy. I will say that, I believe most people root for Kerry Washington (Olivia Pope), because of her poker face character, her famous line, “It’s handled” and not to mention, her stellar and couture style of dress! I do often wonder if it were our own husband, would we be so forgiving of the mistress? It’s funny how we really fool ourselves into thinking this doesn’t affect our personal lives, but when you’re in the salon, or even the barber shop, you hear people comparing people they know who may be the “side chick,” or “jump-off” to the scenes in scandal. It can be slated as entertainment, but when people want to believe in something bad enough, they begin to imagine themselves as these very characters they see on-screen. If you don’t believe me, why else would women who can’t even afford it, rush out to buy the very clothes we see Olivia Pope, (Kerry Washington) wearing on the show, especially the infamous White Burberry Coat she adorned, that had social media in an uproar, and sold out almost immediately when she herself admits that she doesn’t even wear the clothes you see her in each week? More than anything, we overlook her affair with the President, and get lost in the power – wanting to encompass her television lifestyle, without regard to the messy and dysfunctional characteristics. With all her power, intelligence and sought after professional expertise, she has lost all control over her personal life and ability to make sound decisions when it comes to love and relationships.

Media outlets offer suggestive manipulation on a daily basis, and just maybe adults are able to separate what’s going on in this TV series, but what about what’s being suggested to our young women? Would you want your daughters growing up thinking these behaviors are acceptable? Regardless of the entertainment, we have to guard our children’s spirits, and not allow them to get entangled in the webs of deceit! Between the reality shows, videos and shows that glorify adultery, they begin to adopt these same traits, and view them as normal behavior.

My questions: Can Scandal be viewed as a learning tool for those who may be in these situations? Should we just look at it as entertainment or do we turn the channel?

Sound off…

Terry D.

The infamous black and white evening gown, and a few styles that have viewers scurrying to the internet to see who the designer is, and how they can purchase them:

Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Parenting, Sex & Intimacy

The Love We Lost

January 9, 2014 Terry D. Leave a comment

No, life is not the same, and yes, life is more complicated now, and there are way more variables that are in play now, but let’s talk about the foundations that were not negotiable, when our parents dated, the ones they hoped to pass onto us, and how they held their marriages together, in spite of…

None of these lessons start when you’re grown. These values are put into motion early. If we want change, if we want the divorce rate to decrease, and the marriage rate to increase among African-Americans, we have to be the change agents!

The Foundation – They Took Us To Church

All of us knew that Sunday morning was reserved for church. For that matter, a few more days of the week as well. Even if we didn’t want to be there, we went, participated, and the seed was being planted and rooted, but somehow along the way, we began giving our children a choice, as we attended service on Sunday, as they stayed home and slept. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

The Parents Were Involved

You couldn’t just pick up a young lady, by blowing the horn, and before you started leaving the house together, there definitely had to be several supervised dates at the house. They did things together with the family, so that everyone could get to know the character of this young man. If he didn’t seem to have her best interest at heart, it wouldn’t be long before he was no longer allowed to come around, and even if the daughter was hurt, she respected her parents, because she knew there were consequences.

The Father Made It Crystal Clear of What was NOT Going to Happen, While Someone Dated His Daughter.

When a young lady brought home a young man for her parents to meet, the father and the brothers made sure he saw them, and let their presence be known, and the unconditional love they had for her. Just in case he wanted to disrespect her, by calling her names, put his hands on her or step out-of-pocket for any reason, he knew he would have someone to answer to. We have to be unapologetic in teaching equal respect to not only our daughters, but also our sons. It will be reluctantly acknowledged, mimicked and appreciated later.

They Taught Us About Love, Through Action

We may have seen them fight, but we also saw them work through it, and honor their vows. When things got a bit thick, that’s when the foundation helped, because that ‘s when you saw/heard Mama praying. They loved us enough to discipline us, when we were wrong. The main component to their love, was that they didn’t fight for power, they shared.

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Sometimes, just the basics may be not be enough, but God has always been enough, and that is where the love begins. You have to put the work in, because our children really do imitate our actions. It means something to attend church with your parents, It means something to see functional relationships as a child, it means something to know that love begins at home and it definitely means a whole hell of a lot, when you can use these same tools to keep that foundation together.

IMAGES CREDIT: GOOGLE

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Please leave your comments below!

Terry D.

Sex & Intimacy

Desperate Measures (Inspired from an episode of BET’s “The Game”)

March 7, 2012 Terry D. 2 Comments

After watching (BET’s, “The Game”), it really started me to thinking about women over 40 who are single! Do we begin settling from frustration and fear of being alone after a certain age? I watched Tasha Mack (BET’s, “The Game”) as she visibly became frustrated and defeated from not having a significant other. In fact, she became so frustrated that she unknowingly hired an escort for sexual favors, but even after finding out, after a brief moment of anger, she agreed to continue paying this gentleman for his “services.” It was a sad display of despondency to witness, and became even more undignified. She looked unraveled and desperate to say the least. While some felt a sense of empathy for her, others felt like she did what she had to do. Men can sniff out desperation a mile away, and if they have no true substance, they will take advantage of that moment to pounce.

Although it wasn’t a pleasant scene to watch, it is the reality for some! Not as far as to pay an escort, but just to seek desperate measures in order to have the company of a man. Her motives weren’t so much that she wanted to have a full-time partner, but she just wanted her sexual needs met – which is another talk show. It’s so easy to mistake sex for intimacy when we are jaded by a lonely heart. If I can speak for most women, we would prefer intimacy over sex. NEWS FLASH – They are not one in the same!

There is a difference in being alone and being lonely. Some people have problems with being alone, and will settle for being involved in a not so satisfying relationship as an end to a means; and when you’re lonely you make remorseful and illogical decisions. The acceptance of degradation of women has actually become our norm and desensitized us to respect ourselves. The message from this show should not have been admiration or to mimic the actions of this actress, but to check yourself where you stand! It has been my experience that we love uttering the words, “my boyfriend.” You can almost always identify a new relationship, or even a person that needs to be validated by having someone in their life, because they will always find a way to work the subject of their “boyfriend” in the conversation.

Don’t allow loneliness or desperation to alter your character.

What are your thoughts?

-Terry D.