Tag Archives: love

If I Knew Then, What I Know Now…


I wonder if I knew that although you’re a man, but still carry my sometimes loud words of discord and negativity to the core of your heart, and how it emasculated you, would I still be so inconsiderate? If I knew that sometimes, you just need me to listen to you and SHUT UP, you need me to run you some bath water, and let you have a few moments, would I take all your burdens to heart, and leave them where they belong (in the streets), and just love you, even stroke your ego, when needed and let you melt into my arms, lay your head on my breast, take a deep breath and allow us to become one?

You see, I wonder if you knew how many nights I sat up and cried, how many conversations I’ve had with you in the mirror, would you still lie to me, would you still cheat on me, would you still dishonor me, by laying with me, and not only never marry me, but not even love me? If you knew that when we broke up for the 5th time, that along with that went my trust, a piece of me, and with all that, I gained insecurities and probably a few pounds? If you saw your daughter go through this same pain and anguish, would you turn over a new leaf?

Is it too late for me to learn to honor you as a man, and will you now see me in a different light?

If only we could have a day to live inside the heart of the person we love, maybe it would shift the winds of love, and begin to bridge the gaps of divorce, teach us how to appreciate the opposite sex for who they are, and not for who we want them to be. We could be trendsetters for generations of couples to come…

Terry D.

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man?


Men and women love to think they know what the other person wants. After some failures and success, surely we find out where we fall short, as well as where our strengths lie.   We’re told to Act Like a Lady, and Think Like A Man, but I prefer to Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Lady, and have a man that Acts Like A Man, Thinks Like A Man, but we both respect, accept and comprise our differences.  BUT, we do learn what it means to treat one another with respect, and we adjust our behaviors, based on our love for the person we choose to spend our lives with.

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As a Woman, I listen to what a man tells me he wants and expects from his mate, but I also understand that no two men are alike, so we have to remember that when we start a new relationship.  Just because your ex liked something, doesn’t mean your new mate will. Ask questions, explore and enjoy the endless possibilities of the journey…

Don't be so shocked, if someone doesn’t have the same sexual appetite or needs. Don’t try to make your ex’s favorite color, work for your new love. Listen with your heart, and accept the change.

Learn to appreciate what you have, love in the moment and leave the past where it belongs!

Terry D.

Loving Beyond The Blame…


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LOVE Yourself


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Self Love is a repellant for losers! Try it on for size, and you’ll begin to be a magnet for, “The One!” He’s out there, don’t keep him waiting…

Terry D.

The Love We Lost


No, life is not the same, and yes, life is more complicated now, and there are way more variables that are in play now, but let’s talk about the foundations that were not negotiable, when our parents dated, the ones they hoped to pass onto us, and how they held their marriages together, in spite of…

None of these  lessons start when you’re grown.  These values are put into motion early.  If we want change, if we want the divorce rate to decrease, and the marriage rate to increase  among African-Americans, we have to be the change agents!

seedThe Foundation – They Took Us To Church

All of us knew that Sunday morning was reserved for church.  For that matter, a few more days of the week as well.  Even if we didn’t want to be there, we went, participated, and the seed was being planted and rooted, but somehow along the way, we began giving our children a choice, as we attended service on Sunday, as they stayed home and slept.  Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

The Parents Were Involvedfamily

You couldn’t just pick up a young lady, by blowing the horn, and before you started leaving the house together, there definitely had to be several supervised dates at the house.  They did things together with the family, so that everyone could get to know the character of this young man.  If he didn’t seem to have her best interest at heart, it wouldn’t be long before he was no longer allowed to come around, and even if the daughter was hurt, she respected her parents, because she knew there were consequences.

daddydaughterThe Father Made It Crystal Clear of What was NOT Going to Happen, While Someone Dated His Daughter. 

When a young lady brought home a young man for her parents to meet, the father and the brothers made sure he saw them, and let their presence be known, and the unconditional love they had for her.  Just in case he wanted to disrespect her, by calling her names, put his hands on her or step out-of-pocket for any reason, he knew he would have someone to answer to.  We have to be unapologetic in teaching equal respect to not only our daughters, but also our sons.  It will be reluctantly acknowledged, mimicked and appreciated later.

They Taught Us About Love, Through Actiongrowingold

We may have seen them fight, but we also saw them work through it, and honor their vows. When things got a bit thick, that’s when the foundation helped, because that ‘s when you saw/heard Mama praying.  They loved us enough to discipline us, when we were wrong.  The main component to their love, was that they didn’t fight for power, they shared.

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Sometimes, just the basics may be not be enough, but God has always been enough, and that is where the love begins.  You have to put the work in, because our children really do imitate our actions.  It means something to attend church with your parents, It means something to see functional relationships as  a child, it means something to know that love begins at home and it definitely means a whole hell of a lot, when you can use these same tools to keep that foundation together.  

IMAGES CREDIT:  GOOGLE

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences.  Please leave your comments below!

Terry D.

All That Glitter, Ain’t Gold, in the Wade/Union Household!


Do celebrities think they operate above the rim of morals, because they know all will be forgotten and forgiven in a matter of weeks or months, with no further mention or real consequences?  After watching the following story unfold, maybe we’re so forgiving, because we’ve seen these stories play out before us, and if the person involved can forgive, then who are we not to?   Gabrielle Union tweeted,  “The goal is NOT perfection… The goal is to be whole.”

This brings me to:

Breaking News of Dwyane Wade’s Love Child

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Dwyane Wade and his recent news fallout of his love child,  Xavier Zechariah Wade,  born in November, 2013.   Wade confirmed that he did indeed father a son with Aja Metoyer. Wade acknowledged the development to the Sun Sentinel, he said: ‘I had a time, a part in our break, in our pain and our hurt, a blessing came out of it in my life, having a son that was born healthy. So I’m moving on.’  gu leaving It is reported that Gabrielle had to step away from Wade, when first learning of the news, but they worked through their differences,  prior to their engagement!   Everyone is weighing in on this story, and as the story continues to unfold, so does more details on who is Aja  Metoyer.  One thing for sure, she is showing her true colors, and just how messy she really is, by writing this very detailed Letter to Ms. Union.

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Wade proposed to Gabby 6 weeks after his son was born, which he enlisted the assistance of his 2 sons and nephew he’s raising.  Both contend that the child was conceived during a break the two took from one another, but all roads lead to evidence of a different color.  The two were reportedly very much together during conception, but that’s neither here nor there, since they’ve worked through it.  

To make matters a bit more interesting, the mother of his child, is also the mother of 2 daughters, fathered by Damon Wayans Jr., the son of Damon Wayans, who issued a brief statement about the mother of his 2 daughters.   

Forgiveness, Foolishness or Fate?

Everyone wants to know how Gabrielle would stay with Wade, with all that has transpired.  Others say that its karma, because she dated him, while he was still married.  Did she forgive him, because she loves him?  Is it foolishness for her to think he won’t, or has not continued with his infidelity, or was it really fate?   For some reason, we think celebrities are cut from a different cloth than us.  At the end of the day, they just have more money and notoriety than we do, but they’re still human.  Love is love, pain is pain and we all make mistakes, and cry when our hearts are broken.  The difference is, we don’t have our lives played out for all the world to see; and we have all forgiven people for things we aren’t proud of.  Some of us have dated people in some very compromising positions, but we get to keep it all under wraps.  I will say that it is easy to say what you would or wouldn’t do, if it’s not you in the spotlight.

No matter what decision she ultimately ends  up making, it’s still hers to deal with and make. Let me know what you think.  Please leave a comment below, and lets chat…

Terry D.

Thank You Nelson Mandela! 1918 – 2013


“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” Nelson Mandela

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Enlarge Your Territory


Don’t deviate – say what you mean, and mean what you say – enough of the foolishness. Why is it so easy to just ward off what you want? Yes, love is about compromise and sacrifice, but doesn’t compromise mean that both people should be involved?  

If you want to be married, then you need to say so, be unapologetic and STOP negotiating your happiness.  Dating is not a career, unless that’s what you want.  Why would you date someone for years, give them everything that encompasses marriage, but never require the commitment.  “Why marry the cow, when you can get the milk for free is REAL!”  It seems to be a new trend for women to claim men as their husband, and nothing could be further from the truth! My hubby this, my hubby that.  Yeah, you feel like the wife, because for all intent and purposes, it’s the role you’re “playing.”

So let me get this right.  He’s afraid of commitment, but doesn’t have a problem with shacking with you, having sex, paying bills together, attending family functions, even owning a house and car together, and I’m sorry, but maybe I’m a little slow… Isn’t that commitment?

Maybe you’re afraid of losing them, maybe you’re afraid you’ll have to be alone, but guess what, news flash:  how can you lose what you really don’t have.  Look at it like this – if something ever happened to either of you, what would now happen to the things you’ve attained together?

You don’t live forever, and while you’re here, you matter as well be able to operate  in what makes your heart happy.  Now that ‘s not to say that we marry just anyone, but find someone who you can be friends with, someone you have some things in common with.

Set expectations and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Dress to impress you, and if you want to honestly attract someone who will value you, you should actually be worried about what others think.  You’re auditioning for your future, not a video.  Honestly, sometimes we tell ourselves we want things out loud, but inside, we secretly don’t believe it, so that actually supersedes what your mouth is saying, and it shows, even when we’re masking the pain and discontent that we often subconsciously harbor.

We teach others how to treat us by our language, our own expectations, our values, the way we dress and the people we surround ourselves around.

Enlarge Your Territory

Terry D.

WO(man) In The Mirror


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Failed relationships can always be traced back to a man? Not so much… Maybe he broke your heart, but I’m sorry to tell you, he’s not solely responsible. The problem with this is, insecurities control more of our actions and reactions, than any one person. We give away our power, when we blame others for our choices… It’s more about The WO(man) in the Mirror! No single or collective myriad of relationship failures can be attributed to another person. Sometimes, it’s because of habitual and inherited generational curses, insecurities and the yearning for love – whether it’s good for us or not.

As soon as something goes wrong, we lash out at the “OTHER” woman! Namely, women we don’t even know, but hold responsible for all of our own relationship woes.

I’ve been to hell and back in relationships, but it made me the woman I am today, but I had to search myself;

The Why’s?

•Why did I allow someone to NOT honor the woman I know I am?
•Why did I stay?

The What’s?

•What did I do to deserve this?
•What will I do to change Me?

The How’s?

•How did I not know?
•How did I keep forgiving him?

I don’t negate the fact that its wrong for someone to disrespect you, but we have to respect ourselves, but more importantly, LOVE US enough to move pass our past, forgive THEM, forgive ourselves and not hold anyone else accountable for our choices…

I love me too much, to allow someone else not to! You can never want for someone, what they don’t want for themselves.

The woman you see in the mirror now, will look different than she did then…

Awareness = Accountability
Blame = Denial

Terry D.