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Black Girl Magic, Blogging, Countdown, Dreams and Visions, Family, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Meghan Markle, Prince Harry, Royal Wedding, Vlogging

Countdown to Prince Harry & Meghan Markle’s Wedding Day

April 25, 2018 Terry D. Leave a comment

I’m sure the anxiety builds around the world, as everyone counts down the days, hours, minutes and seconds to the Wedding Day of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The couple formally announced their engagement on, November 27, 2017, and wasted no time in announcing their wedding date soon after.

The Royal Wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan is set to take place on, Saturday, May 19, 2018, which is unprecedented, because most Royal Weddings are held on a weekday. The wedding will begin at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, Windsor, United Kingdom, at 12 Noon. After the ceremony, they will undertake a carriage procession from St George’s Chapel through Windsor town returning to Windsor Castle along the Long Walk. The couple really wants to make the wedding fun and ensure that the public will feel a sense of inclusion. The reception will be held at St. George’s Hall.

In lieu of wedding presents, the couple is asking for charity donations, but wants to focus on charities for HIV, Homelessness and the children of fallen soldiers, just to name a few.

Prince Harry and Meghan will definitely bring a breath of fresh air to the traditional expectations. The public speculates and tries to predict what, if anything will set this couple apart. Will they follow the rules? Will they be Royal Trendsetters, and how will this change the trajectory of the expected Royal “Norm?” It is reported that the couple is breaking from the ceremonial traditions, and injecting a modern flavor of music. Karen Gibson and the Kingdom Choir — considered one of the top ensembles in the country — have been tapped to perform as has 19-year-old cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason, who was the first black musician to win the BBC Young Musician of the Year award in 2016. Prince Harry is definitely cut from the the cloth of his late mother, Princess Diana, which was known for, and often frowned upon for setting her own rules.

The initial focal point of everyone except the couple and their families, was the race of Meghan. Meghan is biracial, and was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. Her parents are; mother, Doria Ragland, who is African American, and her father, Thomas Markle., who is Dutch and Irish. Meghan’s father was a longtime TV Lighting Director.

There have been sporadic leaks of information about details of the wedding, but what’s a Royal Wedding without a little suspense and speculation brewing in the rumor mill?

Who will design her dress?
Who will perform?
Who’s the Who of Who on the Guest List?
Who will be Meghan’s Bridesmaids?
Will Trump attend? Was he even invited?
Will the Obamas attend?

With great anticipation and excitement, we’ll all have to wait with the rest of the world, to have our burning questions answered…

Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

You Still Attract the Same People, Because You’re Living A Lie

February 6, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

We often ask ourselves so many questions as to why we’re single? Why we keep entering into bad relationships? What is it about me that keeps attracting the same men/women? What or who is the common thread? Y – O – UUUUUUU! Are you accountable for you and your actions/choices? Women like to believe that it’s because there are no good men. Maybe there are some men that don’t want a monogamous relationship, but those are the men that you stay away from. Instead, we continue to entertain them, and wonder why our relationships fail. Men think that some women are after their money. Well, if you don’t want that, stop flexing like you’re a baller, and get mad when thirsty women flock to you.

“Our consequences are often the result of our irresponsible choices!” Coach Terry D.

It feels good to say, “I’m no longer going to accept BS from anyone.” However, saying it, and actually living it is a different story. You’re changed and taking no prisoners, right? Sometimes, we have to take inventory of ourselves, and not others. If there are still pieces of you that haven’t let go of the OLD you, for fear of not being attractive; you’ll still be attractive, and you will also stop attracting the same kinds of people. You can’t live an inward lie, and walk around trying to fool the public. It’s like telling people you’re celibate, but that’s only because you don’t have anyone. The real test comes when you are in a relationship, and you still stick to your commitment of celibacy.

You want change?
Start with you…
Look in the mirror, and tell yourself the cold hard truth. I mean the things you would probably never admit to anyone else. The things that will even make you look at yourself crazy. If you know you’ve been using sex to get what you want, admit it to yourself, and pray for deliverance of promiscuity and insecurity. If you lust after someone else’s man, look inside of you, to learn why. Sometimes we’ve lied to ourselves so long, that it feels better to accept the lie, rather than face our truths, because it doesn’t feel good to think that we could be the problem.

Write down all the things you did wrong in past relationships – NOT THE OTHER PERSON! This is a purge, a self-proclamation, a faith walk, healing, repentance, accountability and STARTING OVER! You can have affirmations, and lie to yourself all you want, but if you don’t honestly make real changes; I mean character changes, and not get into a relationship until you have earnestly made these changes, you will have a long road ahead of you that yields repetitive results of heartbreak.

You have to be ready to receive the relationship that you desire. You have to be a woman or man about yours, and know when someone is or is not good for you, and be willing to let go, and know that this was just a test run, and not feel the need to answer to anyone else, or live your life based on expectations of others.

You’ll know when you’ve turned the corner, because you feel the change inside of you. The conviction will be in your spirit. You’re no longer attracted to the same things, sex is not the driving force in your quest to relationships, you will begin to attract the kind of men/women that you want, and be able to say no to the ones you’re not equally yoked with. Love really is not as hard as we make it. We stumble our way through the dark, trying to make it perfect! It wasn’t meant to be perfect, it is meant to serve you both in the capacity that makes you happy, shows mutual respect, protects and guards the heart, forgives and trust.

If anything in this BLOG has resonated with you, or maybe you know someone that can benefit from it, please share, and let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

Coach Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, starting over

6 Steps to Healthy and HOT Love

January 20, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different. Coach Terry D.

Start with you – Sacrificing time to spend with yourself. (Make this non-negotiable) When you’re clear of frustrations and worrying about your next move, it gives you time to FOCUS on RIGHT now!!! You’re now able to give the necessary attention to your relationship.
Remove distractions and unhealthy people. Three’s a crowd, and unwanted interference does nothing but create dissension, tension and create high levels of unwarranted stress! Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:9 It’s not easy to walk away from unhealthy people or things, but it is very necessary. Until we release dead weight, we don’t always realize how much it has affected the health of our relationships.
Talk to one another, and be present! I know women talk more than men, but take this time to really talk and listen with your heart, and not just your ears. Ladies, that doesn’t mean go on a rant – know when to say, “When!” Sometimes we live with someone, day in and day out, and have no idea what they do or go through everyday. You appreciate your mate more, when you know what they’re dealing with. It changes the way you react to one another, and it makes you be more understanding of their moods – good or bad. Sexting is a great way of communicating with your mate, and will increase their anticipation and urgency to get home to you.
If you want a healthier relationship, and you want to make changes, include your mate! This is a team effort. Your time together doesn’t include phones, social media or television. Reacquaint yourselves. We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different.
Date one another. Don’t take for granted that just because you’ve been together a while, that it’s a slam dunk. Make sure you always remember to greet one another with a kiss. The sizzle will fizzle, if you’re not putting in the work to keep your relationship relevant. Cook together, bathe together, play twister together! (You won’t finish. Thank me later) If you’re not a creative person, Google ideas, but make it happen! Do A Sexy Dance for Him
For the love all things sensual, don’t make sex boring and monotonous. Don’t stop making love, and make it interesting. It’s not always about the position, but the imagination and creativity. Quality over Quantity. Role play, and know when it’s time to make love and when it’s time to GET IT IN! This will take your sex life to the next level, and create a renewed sense of intimacy!

Coach Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Interracial Relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

Don’t Believe the Hype – Black Women Are NOT Doomed When It Comes to Marriage

January 12, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

There has been a great deal of stories looming about Black Women and their singleness, or lack of chances to get married. An African-American Author, Ralph Richard Banks wrote a book entitled, Is Marriage for White People? : How the African-American Marriage Decline affects everyone. In this non-fiction book, he writes, “Single is the new black!” He also recommends that African-American women open themselves up to be willing to enter serious relationships with men of other races and backgrounds, and he argues this will improve black men and women alike. Needless to say, the African-American community strongly disagrees, but there are some that would argue this same case. There are statistics out there that say that 42.4 % of African-American Women will not get married, which is from an old US, Census. In 2014 the US Census Bureau cited; 86% of
Black Men have a Black Wife, and 94% Black Women have a Black Husband.

We also have a video circulating, The Myth of the Single Black Female, which gives you an insight into how the media has spread this information for years, and how we as blacks are accepting this as our truth. The disparity in the numbers are alarming. WHO ARE THEY TALKING TO?

It seems to me that the more educated African-American men and women are, the more attractive and accepted they are to other races, even in the case of them not intellectually measuring up themselves. As blacks, we have begun to feed into these fallacies and consider other races as a prize, and the more we attain, the further away we move away from our own men and women. We expect more and place more stipulations on black men and women that we date, than we do on non-blacks. We have to be a certain kind of dresser, we have to look a certain way, our hair has to be a certain way, and even after all these years, we still are battling color lines within our own race. The Light vs. Dark! That is a stigma that goes back to slavery days, where the light were allowed in the house, while the dark had to stay outside.

The problem lies within our own issues within our culture. Our inability to identify what we lack, and that it is not as complicated as others would have us to think. As long as someone can plant a seed of negativity, and make Black Women Believe That It’s Time to Give Up on Black Men is misguided and disrespectful.

None of this is to suggest that there is a problem with interracial relationships in the least bit, but it does raise the question, of why we’re led to believe that within our own community, that we believe it’s okay to mistreat black men and women, or judge them, just because you choose not to be with them. It creates a form of dissension and resentment. Your mother, sister, aunt and not to mention, your daughters are watching and taking notes.

African American Couples who are making it work, despite the statistics and stereotypes:

Jada & Will Smith

President Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama

What are your thoughts?

Coach Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

Being Mary Jane – Seasons

March 4, 2015 Terry D. 2 Comments

Yes, in the first season, Mary Jane dated a married man, she slept around, and although in this season; she may still be wrestling and grappling to gain some sense of relationship normalcy, she is still at a crossroad. Let’s not judge, because we all have been there, going through it, or may even be on our way there; or at best, we can say that we’ve had some major relationship deficiencies, at one time or another. So many everyday women, like you and me, not only identify with her, but also have our own demons that keep our hearts hostage to pain and heartbreak!!! We almost begin to believe this is “Our normal!” Mary Jane’s myriad of spiraling emotions are nothing short of what most black women endure in relationships! All we need is a glimpse of hope, and it will keep us emotionally bound and gagged, but it’s that fight that keeps us going, and that same fight makes us lie to all those involved, including ourselves. It is, however, very difficult to keep up the deception, before someone begins to witness us unravel before their very eyes! All of Mary Jane Paul’s relationships seem to border on some form of being dysfunctional. She is the glue that keeps her family together, she has a friend that resents her, therefor; her refuge is sex and alcohol. She feels safe when she has a moment that she is not juggling so many balls in the air, because no one expects that she should ever show any signs of weakness. Does she want more than sex? Absolutely, and so do so many women, but somehow, it all gets lost in the translation of life, what we mistake for love and mediocrity begins to become acceptable. Even in the roughest of times, Mary Jane finds a way to keep her head on straight, long enough to begin saying no to things that aren’t serving her. What keeps us hanging on is addiction – it’s not always love. We can truly become addicted to a person, and like any other addiction, we need HELP to kick the habit! We can’t let go, because we reminisce on what could have been… We don’t delete the text messages, we look at old pics and we insist on closure, just so that we can have an excuse to hold onto false hope. Mary Jane Paul is making decisions that she doesn’t realize are controlled by emotional disparity, and not because of a biological clock, but it’s all a smoke screen that would otherwise force her to face the truth. It’s not an overnight or one size fit all solution. It’s a matter of acknowledgment, accountability and the courage to forgive ourselves and to learn to simply say, “NO!” Soooo, What’s next… Terry D.

Conflict Resolution, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy

Are You a Wife with Benefits?

October 22, 2014 Terry D. 2 Comments

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man! Because I’m a WOMAN! You remember the Enjoli commercial

I hear so many women say what they wouldn’t do just because a man says he likes it. i.e. haircut, certain color lipstick. Well, now maybe that’s why you may not have a man, or can’t keep one. What’s so wrong with wanting to look good for your significant other? Instead, because it makes us feel like we’re being weak, we do the complete opposite. That’s where we completely throw out the notion of compromise. We always say that men aren’t as complicated as us, and to me the simple things are an easy fix. Don’t be afraid to put in the extra work and effort.

“My wife only wears makeup when I’m around because she knows I like it.” -Jerry T. He also said that it makes him want to give her the world, because she cares enough to do something she wouldn’t normally do.

YOU KNOW HOW THERE ARE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? BE A SPOUSE WITH BENEFITS!

I had a conversation with a friend, and she shared some of the things that her husband expressed that he liked about her, and she made it happen. She said,

“I certainly don’t do it for me, but I noticed the difference in his reaction to me, when I started doing some of the things he said he likes.” Anonymous

When we wanted to get them, we pulled out all the stops, but then we just STOP! Where/how does that make sense? When I used to tell my boyfriend that I liked his cologne, he was giddy, and when I saw him, he would have that cologne on. He knew how to dress, but considered my feelings enough to ask me what color suit he should wear, or what color tie. These are the things that keep us interested and excited about one another. There is nothing wrong with submitting to your husband/wife. Stop trying to prove a point, because it will get you no where, but back to a single status real fast. When someone knows that you not only value their opinion, but you’re willing to go out of your way to oblige them, the possibilities are endless.

Why do we insist on making things harder than they have to be? I’m sorry, but some things are just not rocket science, and I don’t want to go through life upset and disgruntled. We complain about so many things in our relationships, and when you have simple solutions, why not just do it! The truth is, we do those little things for him, but just don’t want him to know that. Why play games? Let him know that you value his opinion…

Terry D.

Anger Management, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Parenting, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Mothers, Unhealthy Relationships

Are We Grooming Our Black Sons & Daughters For Marriage?

October 8, 2014 Terry D. Leave a comment

As a culture, we don’t groom our children for family and marriage. Just because marriage may not have worked out for you, or you never walked down the aisle, doesn’t mean you taint the views of marriage to your children. We should always want more for them, than we had/have.

Things we shouldn’t be saying to them:
1. All men are dogs (Lack of Trust)
2. Make sure you get paid first (Soft Prostitution)
3. Women will use you (Lack of trust)
4. You’re a player, don’t get trapped by one woman (Womanizer)
5. Keep her in her place (Promotes abuse)

Our habits, good or bad, are mimicked by our offsprings, and if they see us as women, disrespecting the man in the house, it teaches our daughters not to respect her husband, and our sons to either be doormats or even abusive, because of resentment. We don’t like to use the word roles, until it applies to the heavy lifting responsibilities, like certain chores or finances. I like being a lady, I like feeling safe, I like handing over certain things to him, I like him walking on the outside of me, opening my door. See that’s his “Role.” Yes, there is a surge of single parents, so it becomes second nature to just do things for yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness, if you relinquish carrying out the garbage, or changing a lock. It does take some getting used to. These are all the dysfunctional behaviors we subconsciously teach ourselves and our children, and before you know it, your daughter is saying, “I don’t need a man to take care of me.” In all reality, it feels good to have the option, but when all you’ve seen is Mama doing it for herself, it just seems natural to adopt the same feelings. I talk a lot about generational curses, because it’s the very thing that is tearing the black family apart.

Groom your son for marriage. Don’t teach him to be a player, by telling him at the age of 2, that he’s a pimp, he will be a heart breaker and all the girls are going to love him. Planting seeds of womanizing is dangerous. If you’re a man who likes a lot of women, and you flaunt this in front of both your daughter and son, she will think it’s okay for a man to cheat, and your son will admire your slick ways, and soon mirror them.

Ladies, please stop bringing every Tom, Dick and Harry around your children. Especially your daughter. We can teach our daughters to respect themselves, by how we dress and how we conduct ourselves. Stop looking for a man to pay you for sex. Yes, I said it, because it’s nothing short of hoeing yourself out. Do you wonder why your daughter is now giving it up for a $25 fill in? She felt obligated, because it’s what she’s been taught.

Be the change agent and role model for your children. Teach them to respect the opposite sex. talk to them straight up about sex and respecting not only their bodies, but others as well. They need to know that NO means NO. Abstinence is not “The SIN!”

The not so funny piece to the puzzle is, when we see our children behaving in disrespectful ways like us, we are now angry and ready to beat them down. When the truth is, they learned it from YOU!

Dysfunctional behaviors are created well before they’re teens, and will follow them into their adult lives. It’s easy to create them, but like hell to break and redirect. We do have the power to instill positive and strong influence within them. We have to take our families back!

Terry D.

Sex & Intimacy

Don’t Just Stop At I Love You…

August 17, 2014 Terry D. Leave a comment

Love is not new, and it doesn’t have to be reinvented, but you do have to put in the work. It’s not something that you pray for, and STOP there.

Complacency is the enemy of achieving a solid foundation. I don’t care how long you’ve been with someone, it doesn’t give you a license to:

1. Quit caring about their feelings
2. Caring about your appearance
3. Communicating your feelings
4. Stop dating one another
5. Stop complimenting one another
6. Stop having fun
7. Stop loving them like it was the 1st time

This journey is not for the faint at heart, or those who have no staying power. You have to be in this, and be willing to put in the work.

Your #$@& does stink, and so you have to learn to put up with a few things that may not always smell like roses, and you may get a few pricks along the way, but keep planting seeds of love, endurance and patience! Love keeps no record of wrong. Let that ish go, and on to the next!

Don’t just stop at I love you. Love is an action word…

Terry D.
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Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Unhealthy Relationships

Open Relationships – “On A Break”

July 23, 2014 Terry D. 2 Comments

I was watching a talk show, and the subject was, “Open Relationships.” I tried to listen with an open mind, but the more justifications I heard from the Sex Expert,
http://www.bet.com/video/just-keke/2014/exclusives/shannon-t-boodram-breaks-down-open-relationships.html the more I wondered, What the what? Her explanation behind the reasoning of these relationships was, “With there being a new generation, and they don’t stay in anything too long, it’s only natural that they would not commit to a relationship.” Well, what makes it natural to be in an open relationship? It was, to say the least, disturbing, to hear an “Expert” justify and plant this type of seed into today’s generation. We all see how that worked out for both Dwayne Wade http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20770629,00.html and Ludacris. http://bossip.com/888989/another-year-another-love-child-ludacris-fathered-secret-baby-during-break-from-eudoxie/ They both ended up with babies during their “Break.”

Open Relationship, is just a way of saying, I want to be with you, but everyone else also, and when I’m tired of playing around, we’ll go back to being monogamous. I believe that women have conformed to this foolishness and nonsense, to fool themselves into believing that it’s okay, because otherwise, they might find themselves alone, or if they think that it might be headed in that direction anyway, they propose the concept first. Let’s just stay right there, because essentially, you are alone until they’re done with the other person/people. Not to say that there aren’t any, but there aren’t a lot of women that are willing to share their man, just to have a piece of one.

Is nothing sacred any longer? Marriage is now a convenience, or maybe even more of a fad, because if it doesn’t work, we can just have an open marriage, and trade up for a better model.

So, we’ve decided to take a break, and now you get to fool around with someone else, and not to mention, you don’t even have enough respect for me and my body, to use protection, which is evident, because you’ve gotten someone else pregnant.

So the expert’s take is, because marriages aren’t working, it’s time to do something different. The different is only going to further drive the divorce rate up, and make young adults think, that commitment is fleeting, which flows into all areas of their lives. She goes on to further compare the younger generation to not keeping jobs long, and the same serves for relationships.

An Open Relationship is just an excuse to cheat. It’s no different than being single. Who wants to be in a relationship, and feel like they’re single? It’s seems like people who want to be monogamous, are now becoming the minority.

No matter the generation, year or time, morals and values should never be dismissed, and there are so many repercussions for this behavior. I’m not going to play russian roulette with my mental, spiritual or physical well-being.

What are your thoughts?

Terry D.<img src=”https://lovechaptersdotnet.files.wordpress.com

Sex & Intimacy

Enlarge Your Territory

November 27, 2013 Terry D. Leave a comment

Don’t deviate – say what you mean, and mean what you say – enough of the foolishness. Why is it so easy to just ward off what you want? Yes, love is about compromise and sacrifice, but doesn’t compromise mean that both people should be involved?

If you want to be married, then you need to say so, be unapologetic and STOP negotiating your happiness. Dating is not a career, unless that’s what you want. Why would you date someone for years, give them everything that encompasses marriage, but never require the commitment. “Why marry the cow, when you can get the milk for free is REAL!” It seems to be a new trend for women to claim men as their husband, and nothing could be further from the truth! My hubby this, my hubby that. Yeah, you feel like the wife, because for all intent and purposes, it’s the role you’re “playing.”

So let me get this right. He’s afraid of commitment, but doesn’t have a problem with shacking with you, having sex, paying bills together, attending family functions, even owning a house and car together, and I’m sorry, but maybe I’m a little slow… Isn’t that commitment?

Maybe you’re afraid of losing them, maybe you’re afraid you’ll have to be alone, but guess what, news flash: how can you lose what you really don’t have. Look at it like this – if something ever happened to either of you, what would now happen to the things you’ve attained together?

You don’t live forever, and while you’re here, you matter as well be able to operate in what makes your heart happy. Now that ‘s not to say that we marry just anyone, but find someone who you can be friends with, someone you have some things in common with.

Set expectations and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Dress to impress you, and if you want to honestly attract someone who will value you, you should actually be worried about what others think. You’re auditioning for your future, not a video. Honestly, sometimes we tell ourselves we want things out loud, but inside, we secretly don’t believe it, so that actually supersedes what your mouth is saying, and it shows, even when we’re masking the pain and discontent that we often subconsciously harbor.

We teach others how to treat us by our language, our own expectations, our values, the way we dress and the people we surround ourselves around.

Enlarge Your Territory

Terry D.