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We often ask ourselves so many questions as to why we’re single? Why we keep entering into bad relationships? What is it about me that keeps attracting the same men/women? What or who is the common thread? Y – O – UUUUUUU! Are you accountable for you and your actions/choices? Women like to believe that it’s because there are no good men. Maybe there are some men that don’t want a monogamous relationship, but those are the men that you stay away from. Instead, we continue to entertain them, and wonder why our relationships fail. Men think that some women are after their money. Well, if you don’t want that, stop flexing like you’re a baller, and get mad when thirsty women flock to you.
“Our consequences are often the result of our irresponsible choices!” Coach Terry D.
It feels good to say, “I’m no longer going to accept BS from anyone.” However, saying it,
and actually living it is a different story. You’re changed and taking no prisoners, right? Sometimes, we have to take inventory of ourselves, and not others. If there are still pieces of you that haven’t let go of the OLD you, for fear of not being attractive; you’ll still be attractive, and you will also stop attracting the same kinds of people. You can’t live an inward lie, and walk around trying to fool the public. It’s like telling people you’re celibate, but that’s only because you don’t have anyone. The real test comes when you are in a relationship, and you still stick to your commitment of celibacy.
You want change?
Start with you…
Look in the mirror, and tell yourself the cold hard truth. I mean the things you would probably never admit to anyone else. The things that will even make you look at yourself crazy. If you know you’ve been using sex to get what you want, admit it to yourself, and pray for deliverance of promiscuity and insecurity. If you lust after someone else’s man, look inside of you, to learn why. Sometimes we’ve lied to ourselves so long, that it feels better to accept the lie, rather than face our truths, because it doesn’t feel good to think that we could be the problem.
Write down all the things you did wrong in past relationships – NOT THE OTHER PERSON! This is a purge, a self-proclamation, a faith walk, healing, repentance, accountability and STARTING OVER! You can have affirmations, and lie to yourself all you want, but if you don’t honestly make real changes; I mean character changes, and not get into a relationship until you have earnestly made these changes, you will have a long road ahead of you that yields repetitive results of heartbreak.
You have to be ready to receive the relationship that you desire. You have to be a woman or man about yours, and know when someone is or is not good for you, and be willing to let go, and know that this was just a test run, and not feel the need to answer to anyone else, or live your life based on expectations of others.
You’ll know when you’ve turned the corner, because you feel the change inside of you. The conviction will be in your spirit. You’re no longer attracted to the same things, sex is not the driving force in your quest to relationships, you will begin to attract the kind of men/women that you want, and be able to say no to the ones you’re not equally yoked with. Love really is not as hard as we make it. We stumble our way through the dark, trying to make it perfect! It wasn’t meant to be perfect, it is meant to serve you both in the capacity that makes you happy, shows mutual respect, protects and guards the heart, forgives and trust.
If anything in this BLOG has resonated with you, or maybe you know someone that can benefit from it, please share, and let me know your thoughts. Thank you!
Coach Terry D.
We grow apart because we’ve changed since we first met, but we still have the same expectations, yet our goals and needs are different. Coach Terry D.
while, that it’s a slam dunk. Make sure you always remember to greet one another with a kiss. The sizzle will fizzle, if you’re not putting in the work to keep your relationship relevant. Cook together, bathe together, play twister together! (You won’t finish. Thank me later) If you’re not a creative person, Google ideas, but make it happen! Do A Sexy Dance for HimLove you | Remove Dead Weight | Talk | You’re a Team | Date | Make Love & Keep it HOT
Coach Terry D.
When do you EXHALE? Do you hold your breath until you find love, or until it finds you? When the experience of love has broken you so many times, you begin to question its legitimacy. You wonder if everyone is lying, because all of your encounters with love have left you feeling undesirable, depleted and nothing like what you’ve been shown or told.
Love is real, but for so many men and women, it feels unattainable. If you question its validity, people question your faith, as if you’re not allowed room for error. To be completely honest, I’ve struggled with love, and what it means to me, and if I would ever experience it in its entirety. When I was in my early 20’s, I never had a problem with cutting off someone, and never looking back, but I attribute that to lust and immaturity. As I got older, I began to experience real love, and it wasn’t as easy to walk away, but eventually after multiple breakups and going more than 12 rounds with the same person, I would let go. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy, because it was not. There are many reasons why some stay longer than others. (i.e. addiction, insecurities) Yes, you can be addicted to a person, or have an addictive personality.
It’s challenging for some to understand how to EXHALE, how to let go and how to make difficult decisions, whether it be to stay or leave through all the BS, without feeling judged! Why? Because they see people not always being honest about their struggles in their own relationships. We live in a society where marriage equals instant happiness, or single after a certain age, means you’re damaged goods, so FOOLS rush in, without all the facts.
We put unnecessary pressures on ourselves, by trying to live up to a distorted view of reality. Relationship Coach, Terry D.
If we’re completely honest, we can admit that we ALL have made some bad choices, but that doesn’t mean we’re not worthy, or that we don’t get a second chance. Yes, we should hold ourselves to higher standards, but not so high, that we don’t forgive ourselves. So the question is not when do you EXHALE, but How do I EXHALE? By letting yourself off the hook, taking a deep breath, and accepting the fact that SHIT happens! Stop worrying about what others think. You have to free your heart up for love. Guess what? You may just make the same mistake again, but you will also now have the previous experience as a reference. Yes, it’s true, we learn from our mistakes, but it may take more than one, BUT don’t allow others to judge you for your choices.
How do you know if you have EXHALED?
There’s no formula for love, but the ONE thing you must do is persevere! The moment you give up, or give into your fears, you have allowed the enemy to win. Relationship Coach, Terry D.
Coach Terry D.
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I find true love? Why does it seem like it’ll never happen for me, and what am I doing wrong? I see everyone else prospering in love, but I feel so hopeless…
We want love, but when it comes to sticking to our guns, we lose all sense of self. I know it’s been a while, but that doesn’t mean to lose your values, panties and mind, as soon as someone gives you a little attention. There is actually someone that will give you exactly what you want, but you have to stand firm on what you want and believe. Trust what you have to offer, and it will speak for itself, and attract the same.
I’m guilty too, and here’s what I’ve learned:
If you want a man that’s a Christian, don’t kick it at clubs every weekend, and don’t fall for, “I don’t go like I should.” This is an excuse and evasive of the truth.
If you want the love you truly deserve, start standing up for you, stop lying about what you want, and that person will love you and won’t blink or think twice about answering the call!
Terry D. ❤️
How many of us are willing to admit that the failure of love has kept us up at night, or caused us to even cry ourselves to sleep? I have loved and lost, and even swore off love, but then I find myself right back in the trenches of wanting to share my heart with someone else, but often feeling trapped from the fear of losing it again. We’re told that we should love ourselves enough to not allow someone else not to, but it’s not always so easy now is it? We don’t always feel comfortable confessing that we don’t always want to be so strong, but instead, we want to feel sorry for ourselves, just for a moment. Even though it doesn’t solve anything, it’s a temporary satisfaction that helps for now…
In my journey, I find myself meeting others that are ready to 
explode, because they walk around for years, with bottled up lies of how they really feel when they broke up with someone, afraid to admit that they stayed longer than they should have, or that they even think about getting back with someone that might not be good for them, or maybe have even done it, but feel ashamed to admit this, and is emotionally isolated in their actions, because of their fear of judgment. Some of our behaviors are subconscious, but it will take someone that can identify with you, and be able to accept you for you.
It’s not that we’re not capable of loving ourselves; we just really have to be honest, and accept that we are NOT perfect, and we will not live up to all the pressures that are placed upon us. So damn what if you slip up. You won’t be the first or last. Here’s the thing – the only reason we’re afraid to share our relationship botches, is because the other people you’re talking to, are not always telling you the whole truth either, and we think we’re in this alone, and let’s be honest, people feel better, if it’s not them failing. Sometimes we feel like a loser, when we tell “Our TRUTH!”
Love is not exact, and you may screw it up more than once, and yes you have to learn to love you, but you have to figure out how to do that, and as long as you’re honest with yourself, you will feel less worried about pleasing others, and get back to the business of navigating your own missteps and letting yourself off the hook when it doesn’t go exactly as planned. It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to learn to meet others and yourself exactly where you are right now!
In the words of Usher, “These are my confessions.”
Terry D.
Love is not new, and it doesn’t have to be reinvented, but you do have to put in the work. It’s not something that you pray for, and STOP there.
Complacency is the enemy of achieving a solid foundation. I don’t care how long you’ve been with someone, it doesn’t give you a license to:
1. Quit caring about their feelings
2. Caring about your appearance
3. Communicating your feelings
4. Stop dating one another
5. Stop complimenting one another
6. Stop having fun
7. Stop loving them like it was the 1st time
This journey is not for the faint at heart, or those who have no staying power. You have to be in this, and be willing to put in the work.
Your #$@& does stink, and so you have to learn to put up with a few things that may not always smell like roses, and you may get a few pricks along the way, but keep planting seeds of love, endurance and patience! Love keeps no record of wrong. Let that ish go, and on to the next!
Don’t just stop at I love you. Love is an action word…
Terry D.
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I wonder if I knew that although you’re a man, but still carry my sometimes loud words of discord and negativity to the core of your heart, and how it emasculated you, would I still be so inconsiderate? If I knew that sometimes, you just need me to listen to you and SHUT UP, you need me to run you some bath water, and let you have a few moments, would I take all your burdens to heart, and leave them where they belong (in the streets), and just love you, even stroke your ego, when needed and let you melt into my arms, lay your head on my breast, take a deep breath and allow us to become one?
You see, I wonder if you knew how many nights I sat up and cried, how many conversations I’ve had with you in the mirror, would you still lie to me, would you still cheat on me, would you still dishonor me, by laying with me, and not only never marry me, but not even love me? If you knew that when we broke up for the 5th time, that along with that went my trust, a piece of me, and with all that, I gained insecurities and probably a few pounds? If you saw your daughter go through this same pain and anguish, would you turn over a new leaf?
Is it too late for me to learn to honor you as a man, and will you now see me in a different light?
If only we could have a day to live inside the heart of the person we love, maybe it would shift the winds of love, and begin to bridge the gaps of divorce, teach us how to appreciate the opposite sex for who they are, and not for who we want them to be. We could be trendsetters for generations of couples to come…
Terry D.
IamTerryD BLOG with Relationship Coach, Terry D. 