Tag Archives: mental freedom

Blogging, Breakups, Chicago Blogger, Covid-19, Dating, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Journeys, Life, Love and Relationships, Mental Health, Restoration, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, The Unfiltered Truth, Unhealthy Relationships

Find Your Happy Place

April 14, 2020 Terry D. 4 Comments

Find your Happy Place in YOU…

We are all a little (A lot) restless and stir crazy, because of the angst of COVID19, but it’s definitely not the time to allow boredom or loneliness to hijack your progress of healing!

No, the phone calls are NOT harmless
Yes, it’s only “CORONA” temporary, and I’m not talking about the beer
No, it didn’t make them realize what they didn’t have (It was a matter of a phone contact scroll, until someone took the bait)

Just like you’re bored, so are they. They will find someone that will give them attention, but it doesn’t have to be you. Dig deep, and remember WHY they’re an ex! Once this is over, they’ll start to show you exactly that. Right now it almost feels like you’re in the honeymoon stage, but when it’s all said and done, you’ll be in a post pandemic nightmare. There will be so much healing needed after this is all over, so why add the unnecessary?

Stay focused and use this time wisely. Whatever you were doing before, remember that it worked.

Remember your worth – Remember your PEACE – Use the block feature liberally!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

Black Girl Magic, Black Girls Rock, Blogging, Dreams and Visions, Love and Relationships, Restoration

My 2017 Mid-Year Goals Review

June 29, 2017 Terry D. 1 Comment

This year has been rewarding and productive, but not without its challenges. This has been my year of living, “Intentionally.”

JANUARY

On January 19, 2017, I self-published my first book, My Truth. My Truth is a non-fiction novelette, that will give you an insight into the twists and turns of my personal failures and successes in love and relationships – in hopes to help others in their own journey to healthy love. I grappled with the idea of baring my soul to the world, but when it was all said and done, I knew my testimony was meant for someone else, so I stopped questioning God’s plan. This project was so much bigger than me, and I couldn’t worry about what others would think of me. This has been one of the most liberating things I’ve done in my life, and the feedback validates my decision to be obedient.

FEBRUARY

For a few years now, I have been speaking and training for everyone else. I have attended events of amazing men, women and organizations, where they shared their journey and helped so many others discover their purpose. I knew I had it in me to do the same, but I allowed fear to cripple me. It was all I could think and talk about, but I made every excuse in the book, to avoid actually acting on my passion. Finally, I just began researching, planning, preparing and executing. I only shared it with a select few, because I didn’t want any reason not to follow through. I had a plan, an agenda and a budget. Searching for venues was not an easy task, but I was all in. I looked and I looked and I looked. Finally, I booked the venue, paid my deposit and just like that, there was no turning back. It was really happening – February 4 to be exact.

To say the least, it was surreal and rewarding, but not because I finally did it, but because of the real masks that were removed and the lives that were transformed. Men and women alike, shared their unadulterated truth, and it became a domino effect of testimonials. It was an experience indeed, and no one left there the same way they arrived. Spirits were renewed, and the attendees left with a sense of purpose and hope – knowing they’re not alone in their journey to wholeness, removing their masks without shame and Living their Truth!

MARCH

March gave me a moment to catch my breath, reflect, and shift my gears to 2nd Quarter goals, obligations and commitments. I used this time to refuel and follow up on the progress of some clients I was coaching and confirm engagements. On March 25, I was the Keynote Speaker for the “Unapologetically Me” Women’s Luncheon, hosted by Nikita Legrone of Exclusive Extraordinary Events.

While I was there to impart knowledge and pour into other women, it was humbling to hear their, “WHY!”

Why they had to make their way there
Why they had lost hope
Why they felt God had given up on them

APRIL & MAY

Can you say, “RESET?” Not that I’m ever allowed to take it off, but it was time to put on my full Mommy hat. I had to switch gears, and focus on my personal obligations. I am the very proud Mom of my mini me. It was planning time for my daughter’s Prom and Graduation. I did not plan much during these months, because she deserved all of my uninterrupted and full attention. Such proud moments that you can never get back, have to be your priority. I enjoyed every moment of watching her come into her own over the years, and the reward of watching her get transformed into a princess for Prom is indescribable. The pride of watching your daughter who the doctors said wouldn’t make it to see the age of 18, had me up plenty of nights in this season, with tear stained pillows of joy and gratitude for God’s mercy!

JUNE

I’m still recovering from the Prom and Graduation festivities, but she’s over it and me by now. I guess it’s back to business as usual. This is not the time to chill. I have the remainder of my year accounted for and planned. I’m now planning for 2018. I’ve done some photo shoots to plan for upcoming promotions and doing my due diligence for upcoming opportunities. After all of that, I do take time to pour back into me. It’s a continued struggle to have work-life balance, but it’s necessary for your sanity, and not to become overwhelmed. I have to make some me/we time, and ensure I’m not taking my daughter for granted…

Stay tuned for upcoming events for the remainder of 2017!

Terry D.

Disputes, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships

Pick your Battles

March 12, 2012 Terry D. Leave a comment

Why do we insist on creating unnecessary strife, both consciously and subconsciously? We need to pick our battles, because every situation does not warrant an argument or screaming match. Most of our aggressive behavior toward resolution comes from how we saw others in our families or those closest to us resolve disputes. We have to choose which path we will take in order to maintain the peace, as well as our sanity. They say, “That sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I completely disagree, because words can cut like a two edge sword. Sometimes it’s like an out-of-body experience that takes over and we begin shooting below the belt, and these are things that we can’t take back no matter how hard we try.

After we retire to our separate corners and think about all that has transpired, we replay each horrific word that was exchanged and a sense of regret comes over us, wishing we could have a do over. The sad part about it is, each time we go through this, we know what the end result will be, but can’t seem to control our erratic emotions.

More than not, the arguments stem from something that has nothing to do with him/her, but as simple as having a bad day at work, or someone else has made you upset for the day, but we bring all this excess baggage home with us. If these are things that you have identified as triggers, you can make the decision to take some quiet time to yourself until you have calmed down. This way, you can discuss what made you upset, and your mate can offer solace and not feel like they’re being attacked. He/She is not the enemy!

The simple things we argue about:

The infamous toilet seat
Dinner choices
Temperature of the house
What to watch on television

The first thing you must do is sit down and calmly discuss the reasons for the disputes and find a better way to discuss them without flaring tempers. As mature adults, you have to make the decision of what’s more important, you winning or your relationship. The core reason why the argument continues is because we want to have the last word. If you feel you are not able to resolve your disputes without it escalating, it’s time to get some professional help and get to the root of the real problem. You will find that the disputes usually stem from something deeper than what’s on the surface.

Pick your battles and learn to walk away. It’s perfectly okay to apologize, even if you feel you were right! Compromise and humility goes a long way!

-Terry D.

Cheating, Love and Relationships, Sex & Intimacy

Why do we stay?

February 27, 2012 Terry D. 2 Comments

Do we stay in bad relationships, even when it hurts? I for one, have been involved in a bad relationship in the past, and stayed way too long! At first, I told myself things would get better, but it never did – the unfaithfulness continued. There are never any advantages in staying in a loveless or unrewarding relationship. While I thought I loved him and he me, I came to realize it was a relationship built on lies, physical attraction and convenience. After a while, it becomes a habit of familiarity. Point blank, we’re use to being with someone we’re accustomed to, and would rather remain in an unhealthy relationship, rather than be alone, heal and open our hearts to new possibilities. The longer you remain in bad relationships; it becomes your template and replica for dating.

After finally ending the relationship, I began to grapple over the rationale of why I stayed so long, but there was no real rhyme or reason. While I had no justifications, it became real to me that lacking love for ‘you’ can lead to making regrettable decisions, and as a result, remain in emotional, physical and mentally abusive relationships. Not to mention, it’s not an easy reality to admit that you may not love yourself enough to receive true love.

I won’t pretend as if it’s easy to walk away, or stop “loving” someone that you’ve spent an inordinate amount of time with, and created soul ties with, but I had to stop making excuses. I had to take control of my life, ask God to give me the strength to let go and begin the healing process!

A few key tools that was key for my emotional and mental freedom:

I forgave him

Don’t give anyone that kind of power over your life that you hold on to grudges. It will consume you, and you will never be able to let go, or move on. You can forgive without being directly involved with someone! The forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for YOU!

I Ended the “Friendship”

Plain and simple – you can’t be friends with your ex, especially if you haven’t gotten over him. You will find yourself repeating the same destructive behaviors if you do.

I stopped ALL communication (telephone, email, text, Skype, social media outlets)

I made no more excuses of why I needed to answer his calls, text messages or remain his friend on face book. It only makes allowance for a slower healing process!

I sought professional help

This is how I was able to identify the root of the problem and be able to approach future circumstances with better clarity. Until we are able to distinguish why we practice such destructive behavioral conundrums, the cycle will continue.

We can say, “Just get over it, but it’s not always that simple – it’s a process!

-Terry D.