Tag Archives: Mental Health

Find Your Happy Place


Find your Happy Place in YOU…

We are all a little (A lot) restless and stir crazy, because of the angst of COVID19, but it’s definitely not the time to allow boredom or loneliness to hijack your progress of healing!

  • No, the phone calls are NOT harmless
  • Yes, it’s only “CORONA” temporary, and I’m not talking about the beer
  • No, it didn’t make them realize what they didn’t have (It was a matter of a phone contact scroll, until someone took the bait)

Just like you’re bored, so are they. They will find someone that will give them attention, but it doesn’t have to be you. Dig deep, and remember WHY they’re an ex! Once this is over, they’ll start to show you exactly that. Right now it almost feels like you’re in the honeymoon stage, but when it’s all said and done, you’ll be in a post pandemic nightmare. There will be so much healing needed after this is all over, so why add the unnecessary?

Stay focused and use this time wisely. Whatever you were doing before, remember that it worked.

Remember your worth – Remember your PEACE – Use the block feature liberally!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

Covid-19 Be Informed, Be Safe, but Not Consumed


In a world of Uncertainty, Mayhem, Fear and Utter Chaos, we should stay informed, but not become consumed and allow this pandemic to make us lose our hope and faith! I’m not making light of this, but half truths and information overload, can leave us depressed and anxious.

Who could have imagined this?

This is just the First Quarter of 2020, and life as we know it has completely been altered! Let’s not allow the opposing team (The Enemy) to get in our heads! Even if this takes us into overtime, we will WIN! While we feel inconvenienced by being ordered to quarantine, think about those who are fighting for their lives! Makes you put things in perspective, right?

  • We have family members that can only rely on third party information about their hospitalized loved ones
  • We have college students that have to postpone their graduations, or even be forced to participate virtually
  • We have weddings being postponed
  • We have High School graduates that may never get to experience the novelty of Prom, not to mention, the uncertainty of graduation dates

Remember when we complained about never having enough hours in the day to get anything done? Now we’re complaining about all of the time we have to do nothing! Don’t take this time for granted. UNPLUG from the news and social media for periods of time, and stay centered in your own peace, and know that this is only a temporary interruption of simple things we take for granted. It may not feel like it, but it could be a blessing in disguise for some.

Most times, our busy lives keep us from having to deal with our reality.

  • A mischievous child
  • A toxic relationship
  • Unfinished projects
  • Internal battles

Find the joy in the little things

It’s time to put things in perspective and prioritize. What lessons can we take away?

  • Have I saved enough money to not have to rely on a bandaid for a gunshot wound? ($1,200 Stimulus Check)
  • Am I using my time to increase my faith and relationship with God
  • Secure more than one stream of income
  • Stop putting off tomorrow, what you can do TODAY
  • Tell your loved ones you love them
  • Don’t take your health for granted
  • Use your time wisely
  • Thrive don’t just survive
  • Appreciate the gift of LIFE and LOVE, and don’t treat your relationships like a chore

It’s my sincere hope that we come out of this; appreciating every breath, not taking our liberties for granted, loving on our families, and LIVING – not just surviving and existing!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

Continue reading Covid-19 Be Informed, Be Safe, but Not Consumed

Black Women – Believe What You Know, and Not What You’re Told… 


1002695_10152134444508611_891071300_nAs African American women, it’s difficult for some of us to admit that we don’t always love the skin we’re in, but it’s time for us to believe what we know, and not what we’re told and taught.  Our young women and generations to come, lives depend on it…

As black Women, we contend with the systemic racist stereotypes and egregious attempts to keep us pigeonholed into being angry black Women that are only capable of being sexual uneducated beings that have multiple babies, that aren’t capable of competing with img_2347women of other races, let alone, good enough to be a wife! Because of this, we often feel ourselves in survival and “Something to Prove” mode.  Even as we contend to prove ourselves, we also find ourselves being the oppressor of one another, and like so many others, we divide ourselves based on socioeconomic backgrounds.  This is certainly by design, and not by happenstance.
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According to the 2016 Census Bureau, African American Women now top the list of the most educated in the country; and although more than half of black women between the ages of 18 and 24 are enrolled in college, the gender and racial inequality continues.

We have tangible everyday success stories that aren’t being recorded, reported or celebrated:

16298865_711498359011275_6534907517155103023_nThere are so many great historians, literary giants, authors, teachers, entrepreneurs, doctors etc., whose shoulders we stand on, but the good13701014_609668149194297_4673955860864760481_o thing about history is that it not only repeats itself, but it passes the baton.  It’s time to take the next leg of the race.  There are women right now TODAY, that are creating shoulders for future generations.  These will be names that our children’s children’s children will get bragging rights to; Michelle Obama, Maya Angelou, Angela Rye, Oprah Winfrey, Tamron Hall, Jamelle Hill, Tamika Mallory, Shonda Rhimes, Misty Copeland, Ava Duvernay, Issa Rae, Taraji P. Henson, Mara Brock Akil, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Serena 10449521_288568471304268_361698210535019755_nWilliams, Anita Hill, Condoleezza Rice, Lupita Nyong’o, Mae Jemison,13631584_602793649881747_3275936315871618758_n Lena Waithe, and that’s the short list.

These accomplishments should not make us complacent.  We can’t allow a few victories to be enough, because we typically lose our steam after a few wins. We have to continue to speak up when we’re not given deserving roles, when we’re being looked over for awards and promotions and not receiving equal pay.

We also have to learn to celebrate those who aren’t celebrities, but are still killing the game, kicking ass and taking names!

  1. How many black Women do you know that’s excelling in their fields and their entrepreneurial journeys?
  2. How many of us are embracing the essence of who we are (natural hair, curves and skin) without shame?
  3. How many black Women do you know that are happily married?
  4. How many women do you know that have multiple degrees?

18891813_10211907296511092_518154018726291463_oI will celebrate and name a few that I know personally, or am indirectly connected to: Terry D.Cordelia Lewis, Ni Cole Jean, Melissa Smith-Harper, Lazell Pittman, Veleka Meeks, Gina Lamar, Eden Adele, Jamelia Toya Hand, Tene’ Gray, Cheryl Hand-Jiles, Dr. Shante Holley, Dr. Tiffany Michelle Bellamy, Stacey Emerson, Kristin R. Harris, Sherron 14495432_1764392160494371_7628810718134684914_nTurner, Teslyn Butler, Romina Brown, Erika Porter, Tanya Winfield, Yanni Brown, Dr. Ruby Powell, Cameka Smith, Latoya J. Moore, DeAnna Williams, Bonita Maye, Trina Edmunds, Rachel Green, Ariel Simmons, Alice Foy, Dr. Kiarra King, Cynthia Flowers, Shay Mitchell-Gary, Penny Miller, Tonya Biglow, Bridgette Daniels-Thomas, Shiketa Morgan, Valencia Montgomery, Eve Benton, Tammy Brown, Sibyl Holloway, Nicole Howell-Scott, 12240279_510285135808220_4954826358136412469_oJennifer Ashley, Nykki Rae, SharRon Jamison, Ebony Dixon-Truss, Dawj Sangster, Yasmine Brown, Chrishon Lampley, Shuntella Richardson, Tosh 21751336_10213656614866404_8775508300733083557_nPatterson, Larvetta Loftin, Micaela Brown, Amber Johns, Felencia Terrell, Mirion Green, Megan Harper…

 

 

Please like share/comment – Let me know your thoughts

Terry D.

 

How Did I Survive Life After Heartbreak?


How did I survive life after Heartbreak

I hear my clients say all the time:

  • Maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone
  • I don’t think I can survive another failed relationship
  • At least I have someone
  • What’s wrong with me?

NO NO NO – stop that foolishness

Well, let me tell you:

I dated someone for years that was a compulsive liar, and a repeat offender of cheating.  I continued to forgive him – I know what you’re thinking – who in their right mind would stay with someone like that?  I asked myself the same thing, and thought I would never escape my self doubt and insecurities.  See, it wasn’t him to blame for the madness, it was me for not thinking I could do better, but YES, I survived, and I’m free.  I’m free mentally, physically and emotionally.

I took my power back, and I no longer felt like I had to depend on someone else for my happiness. HA – so guess what?  I win and his loss!

There is life after Heartbreak!

You name it, I’ve been through it, as a lot of us have, but I covered up my insecurities with sex and  loveless relationships!  Judge me if you want, but I feel like someone lifted a mack truck off my heart.  My biggest breakthrough came when I had a complete meltdown in the middle of my bedroom floor.  Crying uncontrollably, and releasing the toxins and stench of deceit.  

After I realized I didn’t love myself enough, I started counseling, I prayed and I finally started confiding in my close friends.  I needed an outlet, and I was no longer going to hold this all in.  To my surprise, there were other women going through, or had been through something similar.

So, for those of you who may be struggling with this same issue, here’s what helped me:

  • I had an accountability partner who I called when I thought I was getting weak
  • I remained in counseling
  • I stayed prayed up

If you don’t seek help, you will continue to repeat and attract the same characteristics in men!

IN BETWEEN THESE STEPS, I CRIED A LOT, SOMETIMES DOUBTED MYSELF & EVEN SLIPPED UP AND CALLED HIM, BUT I DIDN’T GET TOO DOWN ON MYSELF, THAT I COULDN’T RECOVER, GET BACK UP & KEEP IT MOVING…

  • I actually wrote down the things that happened, where it took a turn and why I stayed so long
  • I stayed away from dating until I was healed and able to trust
  • I FORGAVE HIM, AND THEN I FORGAVE MYSELF

Forgiveness was key, but I also had to get to the core of the problem, and why I thought any of this was okay.  Counseling definitely helped me with this, and boy oh boy did I get clarity, and the true healing began…

What was my core problem?  It was the negative seeds mentally planted throughout my life, that I never knew would contribute to my dysfunctional relationship habits.

Terry D.