Tag Archives: relationships

WO(man) In The Mirror


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Failed relationships can always be traced back to a man? Not so much… Maybe he broke your heart, but I’m sorry to tell you, he’s not solely responsible. The problem with this is, insecurities control more of our actions and reactions, than any one person. We give away our power, when we blame others for our choices… It’s more about The WO(man) in the Mirror! No single or collective myriad of relationship failures can be attributed to another person. Sometimes, it’s because of habitual and inherited generational curses, insecurities and the yearning for love – whether it’s good for us or not.

As soon as something goes wrong, we lash out at the “OTHER” woman! Namely, women we don’t even know, but hold responsible for all of our own relationship woes.

I’ve been to hell and back in relationships, but it made me the woman I am today, but I had to search myself;

The Why’s?

•Why did I allow someone to NOT honor the woman I know I am?
•Why did I stay?

The What’s?

•What did I do to deserve this?
•What will I do to change Me?

The How’s?

•How did I not know?
•How did I keep forgiving him?

I don’t negate the fact that its wrong for someone to disrespect you, but we have to respect ourselves, but more importantly, LOVE US enough to move pass our past, forgive THEM, forgive ourselves and not hold anyone else accountable for our choices…

I love me too much, to allow someone else not to! You can never want for someone, what they don’t want for themselves.

The woman you see in the mirror now, will look different than she did then…

Awareness = Accountability
Blame = Denial

Terry D.

If I Knew Then, What I Know Now


ipad 179Sometimes, we often reflect on our past, and say, “If I knew then, what I know Now.” It is my belief that if I had been equipped with the unforeseen, would I have appreciated the process? There’s always the what ifs, but the process inevitably prepares us for the promise. There are never any chance meetings, but rather pit stops that are temporary detours that may alter our course, but never delaying the destination.

Woe is me, what did I do to deserve this, are the questions we play on repeat in our minds. You are not a victim! Life’s experiences are like a large puzzle, that has those missing pieces that you just can’t seem to figure out, but once you do, you feel a sense of accomplishment, and you exhale. Once you position that last piece, you are very careful not to disturb it, but looking for the most strategic way to place it on a solid foundation, to hold it together.

Now it all seems to make a little more sense. When you’re in the thick of any situation, it seems so much easier to just throw in the towel, but this is your maturing stage, going through the puberty of love and life. It’s uncomfortable, things are changing that we’re not accustomed to, but it’s a part of the preparation.

Appreciation comes from losing some things or people, being tested, taking things for granted and learning to let some things or someone go. If we knew they would hurt, use, abuse and walk out on us, we may just end up being the same way; because people teach you how not to treat the next person.

Take the experiences – good and bad, and they will be your guide to GOOD LOVE, and fewer regrets. Take what you know now as education and wisdom…

Terry D.

Dysfunctional Relationships


20130523-023401.jpgWhen I broke up with my ex, I thought he was the blame for me being dysfunctional in relationships. Yes, it’s true that he was a habitual cheater and liar, but after I knew this to be the case, I still stayed. Now you tell me, who was to blame? I rationalized and victimized myself. While I knew what I desired in a relationship, and what I had in this relationship, didn’t add up; I couldn’t seem to bring myself to end it. The sleepless nights and uncontrollable crying began to feel normal. I started to only focus on the few good things to make it look like we had the picture perfect relationship. Besides the few who knew the truth, everyone else bought it. I knew I had fallen out of love with him, but it felt better having a man, than not.

When I woke up from this daily nightmare that I physically lived out, it was as if I had been hit by a mountain of rocks, and knew if was time to take back my heart! I had no one to blame, BUT MYSELF!!! I began planning my mental, emotional and physical escape. I had to retrace my steps, and figure out when I became addicted to him, rather than loving him. I went back to the root of the problem, and began digging.

You see, when I was younger, although I saw my parents have a successful marriage, I also saw others that I trusted around me, cheat and lie, and women who accepted mental, emotional and physical abuse. Somehow, society used to be taught not to talk about certain things, and that you’re suppose to hang in there, regardless… Deep down, I knew none of this was right, but I used it as a crutch, and I thought it was too late to get out; but I never lost that voice that continued to scream in my ear — RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, and don’t look back!

I didn’t leave right away, not without a few more lessons that chipped away at my heart. No matter what anyone said, I had to leave when I knew I had enough, because you manage to drown out logic. Everyday was the day… Then “THAT” day, I began to pray for release! I cut off all communication, I began living for me, and I no longer allowed satan to live in my head. As I began to listen to reason, which had never really left, God began to restore me. Trust me when I tell you, he tried every trick in the book, but not this time, I made sure I brought different weapons to the table This time around. I stopped trying to do it on my own!

I can now admit that it took YEARS to rid my heart and spirit of these demons, and for years I gave him an open invitation to my heart, and once I finally mentally let him go, he no longer had any claims to me, and although he was so egotistical that he thought he would always have me, he had no clue that it was finally OVER, and that nothing he could say or do could stand up against the POWER of God’. I knew that the GOD that I serve, would not forsake me. My final freedom came when I forgave him, but more importantly, I forgave myself…

Being addicted to someone, is as powerful as being addicted to anything else. Don’t ever think you can kick the habit without faith and help.

Terry D.

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Series: WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT TODAY?


I decided to do a Blog Series:  WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT TODAY?

As I am afforded the opportunity to travel the States, I find myself up against some angry woman, snarling or rolling her eyes at me.  I often find myself saying, “Does she need a hug?”  We hoard all this pinned up anger, and unleash it like a roaring beast on any and everything that crosses our paths.  I’ve witnessed the most beautiful women, be the ugliest women ever!  It doesn’t take much, because we automatically walk around with a chip on our shoulders – ready for battle!  Get over it, yourself and stop allowing every little thing and everyone to steal your joy, and trying to steal everyone else’s.

Today – I waited an hour to be seated, and now you’re going to seat me in this not-so-fit booth, and now to add injury to insult, you want to seat me at this table in the middle of the restaurant?  I want to speak with the Manager.  I’m unhappy, I’ve been waiting over an hour, and you’re going to find us a seat.  Another customer is so embarrassed, that they offer to change with you, so you can be seated, but yet that’s still unacceptable and not good enough!  This place is ridiculous, and the customer service is horrible.  We are leaving and never coming back here again.  THANK GOD, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE ANYWAY!

Now, what did you accomplish here, but:

  1. Waited in line for over an hour
  2. embarrass yourself in front of a crowd of strangers
  3. Prove how ugly your heart is, despite your undeniably beautiful face
  4. Leave the restaurant even more hungry than you did before you came…
  5. NOTHING!!!

HELLO:  NO ONE WANTS AN ANGRY LOUD MOUTH!  SHUT THE “*)#^” UP, AND STOP WITH ALL THE UNNECESSARY DRAMA! 

“People may not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” – Unknown

Terry D.

 

Is social media the cause of relationship riffs?


I am often intrigued by all the relationship riffs and woes I read about on a daily basis.  Couples are not able to friend one another on facebook, or your mate going so far as to hack into your page to spy on your social media activity.  There have been horror stories of creating fictitious profiles, in order to spy.  If we allow social media to be the root cause of our split; it’s more than likely we were already headed for doom in the first place.  There has to be a level of trust established before we ever get to this point.  Passwords shouldn’t be a prerequisite in order to feel secure in a relationship.  Plain and simple, if you’re in a good/great relationship, why are you spending so much time on these social media sites in the first place? 

If you’re checking your mate’s status every hour on the hour to see if they’re behavior is suspicious, let’s be honest, you didn’t need a status update to validate this for you.

The other catalyst to this growing problem is, we have allowed social media to ruin a perfectly good relationship, because we don’t spend enough time with our mates, because even if we’re in their presence, our attention is solely focused on checking our status, tweeting your every move, checking in and the list goes on.  If I’m not interesting and intriguing enough for you, then don’t be with me.    

The most dreaded use of social media is in Church!  Really?  God is not worth a couple of hours of your time.  How do you post that church is, “Off the Chain,” if you’re involved?  Yeah, that’s when you know you’ve gone too far…

Social media is just that.  It can be a great resource, but dont’ let it ruin your relationship with your mate, spouse or God. 

-Terry D.