Tag Archives: terryd

Blogging, Conflict Resolution, healthy relationships, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Restoration, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

Joy and Pain

April 6, 2017 Terry D. 1 Comment

Our first experience with love starts at a very early age. It shapes our belief in it, or it makes us question everything about it. Our thoughts about love are being formed well before we even understand what true love really is. Our loved ones that mold our thoughts are not aware that they’re creating a generation of curses or blessings.

As we begin to experience love for ourselves, it usually starts out like a fairytale, but we never really come to understand why we pick the lovers we do, or why we react in certain circumstances until a few failed attempts, and we realize it might just be us subconsciously self-sabotaging, because of our limiting beliefs about love and what we do or don’t deserve. It takes time to look within, because it’s difficult to think that something or someone in our childhood could be responsible for our adult dysfunctions and relational behavior.

It’s a cycle of joy and pain, but it definitely teaches us more about who we are, and as we heal, it allows us to be the change that our future generations will benefit from. We’re taught that experience is a good teacher, and I couldn’t agree more, but I also believe that we don’t always have to experience everything first hand.

Terry D.

African American Dating, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

You Still Attract the Same People, Because You’re Living A Lie

February 6, 2016 Terry D. Leave a comment

We often ask ourselves so many questions as to why we’re single? Why we keep entering into bad relationships? What is it about me that keeps attracting the same men/women? What or who is the common thread? Y – O – UUUUUUU! Are you accountable for you and your actions/choices? Women like to believe that it’s because there are no good men. Maybe there are some men that don’t want a monogamous relationship, but those are the men that you stay away from. Instead, we continue to entertain them, and wonder why our relationships fail. Men think that some women are after their money. Well, if you don’t want that, stop flexing like you’re a baller, and get mad when thirsty women flock to you.

“Our consequences are often the result of our irresponsible choices!” Coach Terry D.

It feels good to say, “I’m no longer going to accept BS from anyone.” However, saying it, and actually living it is a different story. You’re changed and taking no prisoners, right? Sometimes, we have to take inventory of ourselves, and not others. If there are still pieces of you that haven’t let go of the OLD you, for fear of not being attractive; you’ll still be attractive, and you will also stop attracting the same kinds of people. You can’t live an inward lie, and walk around trying to fool the public. It’s like telling people you’re celibate, but that’s only because you don’t have anyone. The real test comes when you are in a relationship, and you still stick to your commitment of celibacy.

You want change?
Start with you…
Look in the mirror, and tell yourself the cold hard truth. I mean the things you would probably never admit to anyone else. The things that will even make you look at yourself crazy. If you know you’ve been using sex to get what you want, admit it to yourself, and pray for deliverance of promiscuity and insecurity. If you lust after someone else’s man, look inside of you, to learn why. Sometimes we’ve lied to ourselves so long, that it feels better to accept the lie, rather than face our truths, because it doesn’t feel good to think that we could be the problem.

Write down all the things you did wrong in past relationships – NOT THE OTHER PERSON! This is a purge, a self-proclamation, a faith walk, healing, repentance, accountability and STARTING OVER! You can have affirmations, and lie to yourself all you want, but if you don’t honestly make real changes; I mean character changes, and not get into a relationship until you have earnestly made these changes, you will have a long road ahead of you that yields repetitive results of heartbreak.

You have to be ready to receive the relationship that you desire. You have to be a woman or man about yours, and know when someone is or is not good for you, and be willing to let go, and know that this was just a test run, and not feel the need to answer to anyone else, or live your life based on expectations of others.

You’ll know when you’ve turned the corner, because you feel the change inside of you. The conviction will be in your spirit. You’re no longer attracted to the same things, sex is not the driving force in your quest to relationships, you will begin to attract the kind of men/women that you want, and be able to say no to the ones you’re not equally yoked with. Love really is not as hard as we make it. We stumble our way through the dark, trying to make it perfect! It wasn’t meant to be perfect, it is meant to serve you both in the capacity that makes you happy, shows mutual respect, protects and guards the heart, forgives and trust.

If anything in this BLOG has resonated with you, or maybe you know someone that can benefit from it, please share, and let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

Coach Terry D.

Anger Management, Breakups, Disputes, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Unhealthy Relationships

Loving Beyond The Blame…

January 30, 2014 Terry D. Leave a comment

Cheating, Disputes, Interracial Relationships, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies

Let’s Talk Scandal

January 18, 2014 Terry D. 4 Comments

I know it’s on a brief hiatus, but let’s talk Scandal! The oh-so addictive Weekly TV Series, with almost 9 million viewers that airs every Thursday night on ABC, written by the brilliant Shonda Rhimes, from my hometown, Chicago, Illinois and Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy!

Scandal starring, the beautiful, talented, Emmy nominated Actress, Kerry Washington, the public and social media appointed “It Girl,” who plays Olivia Pope, the HEAD Gladiator! Yes, I know it’s only a TV series, but it can sometimes offer hope to the already delusional group of women who think their lovers will leave their wives.

The steamy love scenes between Olivia and Fitz have the viewers glued to their televisions every week, and without hesitation, rooting for the mistress, and not the wife! So what is it that makes us root for the mistress? Do we root for her, because she is who she is, because she has a no non-sense attitude, or because we just love the adrenaline we feel, with the suspense and drama of it all? Married women say they don’t agree, but can’t resist their love for the attraction between Olivia and Fitz; and single women say, the wife is crazy or stupid, because she actually wants Olivia to remain in her husband’s life, so that her husband can stay happy. I will say that, I believe most people root for Kerry Washington (Olivia Pope), because of her poker face character, her famous line, “It’s handled” and not to mention, her stellar and couture style of dress! I do often wonder if it were our own husband, would we be so forgiving of the mistress? It’s funny how we really fool ourselves into thinking this doesn’t affect our personal lives, but when you’re in the salon, or even the barber shop, you hear people comparing people they know who may be the “side chick,” or “jump-off” to the scenes in scandal. It can be slated as entertainment, but when people want to believe in something bad enough, they begin to imagine themselves as these very characters they see on-screen. If you don’t believe me, why else would women who can’t even afford it, rush out to buy the very clothes we see Olivia Pope, (Kerry Washington) wearing on the show, especially the infamous White Burberry Coat she adorned, that had social media in an uproar, and sold out almost immediately when she herself admits that she doesn’t even wear the clothes you see her in each week? More than anything, we overlook her affair with the President, and get lost in the power – wanting to encompass her television lifestyle, without regard to the messy and dysfunctional characteristics. With all her power, intelligence and sought after professional expertise, she has lost all control over her personal life and ability to make sound decisions when it comes to love and relationships.

Media outlets offer suggestive manipulation on a daily basis, and just maybe adults are able to separate what’s going on in this TV series, but what about what’s being suggested to our young women? Would you want your daughters growing up thinking these behaviors are acceptable? Regardless of the entertainment, we have to guard our children’s spirits, and not allow them to get entangled in the webs of deceit! Between the reality shows, videos and shows that glorify adultery, they begin to adopt these same traits, and view them as normal behavior.

My questions: Can Scandal be viewed as a learning tool for those who may be in these situations? Should we just look at it as entertainment or do we turn the channel?

Sound off…

Terry D.

The infamous black and white evening gown, and a few styles that have viewers scurrying to the internet to see who the designer is, and how they can purchase them:

Cheating, Love and Relationships

Is social media the cause of relationship riffs?

February 9, 2012 Terry D. Leave a comment

I am often intrigued by all the relationship riffs and woes I read about on a daily basis. Couples are not able to friend one another on facebook, or your mate going so far as to hack into your page to spy on your social media activity. There have been horror stories of creating fictitious profiles, in order to spy. If we allow social media to be the root cause of our split; it’s more than likely we were already headed for doom in the first place. There has to be a level of trust established before we ever get to this point. Passwords shouldn’t be a prerequisite in order to feel secure in a relationship. Plain and simple, if you’re in a good/great relationship, why are you spending so much time on these social media sites in the first place?

If you’re checking your mate’s status every hour on the hour to see if they’re behavior is suspicious, let’s be honest, you didn’t need a status update to validate this for you.

The other catalyst to this growing problem is, we have allowed social media to ruin a perfectly good relationship, because we don’t spend enough time with our mates, because even if we’re in their presence, our attention is solely focused on checking our status, tweeting your every move, checking in and the list goes on. If I’m not interesting and intriguing enough for you, then don’t be with me.

The most dreaded use of social media is in Church! Really? God is not worth a couple of hours of your time. How do you post that church is, “Off the Chain,” if you’re involved? Yeah, that’s when you know you’ve gone too far…

Social media is just that. It can be a great resource, but dont’ let it ruin your relationship with your mate, spouse or God.

-Terry D.