Tag Archives: Trust

Blogging, Breakups, Chicago Blogger, Covid-19, Dating, Dreams and Visions, healthy relationships, Journeys, Life, Love and Relationships, Mental Health, Restoration, Single Ladies, Single Men, Singles, The Unfiltered Truth, Unhealthy Relationships

Find Your Happy Place

April 14, 2020 Terry D. 4 Comments

Find your Happy Place in YOU…

We are all a little (A lot) restless and stir crazy, because of the angst of COVID19, but it’s definitely not the time to allow boredom or loneliness to hijack your progress of healing!

No, the phone calls are NOT harmless
Yes, it’s only “CORONA” temporary, and I’m not talking about the beer
No, it didn’t make them realize what they didn’t have (It was a matter of a phone contact scroll, until someone took the bait)

Just like you’re bored, so are they. They will find someone that will give them attention, but it doesn’t have to be you. Dig deep, and remember WHY they’re an ex! Once this is over, they’ll start to show you exactly that. Right now it almost feels like you’re in the honeymoon stage, but when it’s all said and done, you’ll be in a post pandemic nightmare. There will be so much healing needed after this is all over, so why add the unnecessary?

Stay focused and use this time wisely. Whatever you were doing before, remember that it worked.

Remember your worth – Remember your PEACE – Use the block feature liberally!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

Black Girl Magic, Black Girls Rock, Blogging, Dreams and Visions, Love and Relationships, Restoration

My 2017 Mid-Year Goals Review

June 29, 2017 Terry D. 1 Comment

This year has been rewarding and productive, but not without its challenges. This has been my year of living, “Intentionally.”

JANUARY

On January 19, 2017, I self-published my first book, My Truth. My Truth is a non-fiction novelette, that will give you an insight into the twists and turns of my personal failures and successes in love and relationships – in hopes to help others in their own journey to healthy love. I grappled with the idea of baring my soul to the world, but when it was all said and done, I knew my testimony was meant for someone else, so I stopped questioning God’s plan. This project was so much bigger than me, and I couldn’t worry about what others would think of me. This has been one of the most liberating things I’ve done in my life, and the feedback validates my decision to be obedient.

FEBRUARY

For a few years now, I have been speaking and training for everyone else. I have attended events of amazing men, women and organizations, where they shared their journey and helped so many others discover their purpose. I knew I had it in me to do the same, but I allowed fear to cripple me. It was all I could think and talk about, but I made every excuse in the book, to avoid actually acting on my passion. Finally, I just began researching, planning, preparing and executing. I only shared it with a select few, because I didn’t want any reason not to follow through. I had a plan, an agenda and a budget. Searching for venues was not an easy task, but I was all in. I looked and I looked and I looked. Finally, I booked the venue, paid my deposit and just like that, there was no turning back. It was really happening – February 4 to be exact.

To say the least, it was surreal and rewarding, but not because I finally did it, but because of the real masks that were removed and the lives that were transformed. Men and women alike, shared their unadulterated truth, and it became a domino effect of testimonials. It was an experience indeed, and no one left there the same way they arrived. Spirits were renewed, and the attendees left with a sense of purpose and hope – knowing they’re not alone in their journey to wholeness, removing their masks without shame and Living their Truth!

MARCH

March gave me a moment to catch my breath, reflect, and shift my gears to 2nd Quarter goals, obligations and commitments. I used this time to refuel and follow up on the progress of some clients I was coaching and confirm engagements. On March 25, I was the Keynote Speaker for the “Unapologetically Me” Women’s Luncheon, hosted by Nikita Legrone of Exclusive Extraordinary Events.

While I was there to impart knowledge and pour into other women, it was humbling to hear their, “WHY!”

Why they had to make their way there
Why they had lost hope
Why they felt God had given up on them

APRIL & MAY

Can you say, “RESET?” Not that I’m ever allowed to take it off, but it was time to put on my full Mommy hat. I had to switch gears, and focus on my personal obligations. I am the very proud Mom of my mini me. It was planning time for my daughter’s Prom and Graduation. I did not plan much during these months, because she deserved all of my uninterrupted and full attention. Such proud moments that you can never get back, have to be your priority. I enjoyed every moment of watching her come into her own over the years, and the reward of watching her get transformed into a princess for Prom is indescribable. The pride of watching your daughter who the doctors said wouldn’t make it to see the age of 18, had me up plenty of nights in this season, with tear stained pillows of joy and gratitude for God’s mercy!

JUNE

I’m still recovering from the Prom and Graduation festivities, but she’s over it and me by now. I guess it’s back to business as usual. This is not the time to chill. I have the remainder of my year accounted for and planned. I’m now planning for 2018. I’ve done some photo shoots to plan for upcoming promotions and doing my due diligence for upcoming opportunities. After all of that, I do take time to pour back into me. It’s a continued struggle to have work-life balance, but it’s necessary for your sanity, and not to become overwhelmed. I have to make some me/we time, and ensure I’m not taking my daughter for granted…

Stay tuned for upcoming events for the remainder of 2017!

Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

These Are My Confessions

February 3, 2015 Terry D. 3 Comments

How many of us are willing to admit that the failure of love has kept us up at night, or caused us to even cry ourselves to sleep? I have loved and lost, and even swore off love, but then I find myself right back in the trenches of wanting to share my heart with someone else, but often feeling trapped from the fear of losing it again. We’re told that we should love ourselves enough to not allow someone else not to, but it’s not always so easy now is it? We don’t always feel comfortable confessing that we don’t always want to be so strong, but instead, we want to feel sorry for ourselves, just for a moment. Even though it doesn’t solve anything, it’s a temporary satisfaction that helps for now…

In my journey, I find myself meeting others that are ready to explode, because they walk around for years, with bottled up lies of how they really feel when they broke up with someone, afraid to admit that they stayed longer than they should have, or that they even think about getting back with someone that might not be good for them, or maybe have even done it, but feel ashamed to admit this, and is emotionally isolated in their actions, because of their fear of judgment. Some of our behaviors are subconscious, but it will take someone that can identify with you, and be able to accept you for you.

It’s not that we’re not capable of loving ourselves; we just really have to be honest, and accept that we are NOT perfect, and we will not live up to all the pressures that are placed upon us. So damn what if you slip up. You won’t be the first or last. Here’s the thing – the only reason we’re afraid to share our relationship botches, is because the other people you’re talking to, are not always telling you the whole truth either, and we think we’re in this alone, and let’s be honest, people feel better, if it’s not them failing. Sometimes we feel like a loser, when we tell “Our TRUTH!”

Love is not exact, and you may screw it up more than once, and yes you have to learn to love you, but you have to figure out how to do that, and as long as you’re honest with yourself, you will feel less worried about pleasing others, and get back to the business of navigating your own missteps and letting yourself off the hook when it doesn’t go exactly as planned. It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to learn to meet others and yourself exactly where you are right now!

In the words of Usher, “These are my confessions.”

Terry D.

Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Dreams and Visions, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Single Ladies, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

Loving Me, Ain’t Always Been Easy

January 7, 2015 Terry D. 5 Comments

Yes, it’s true, loving Me, has not always been easy! I faked my happiness, because I wanted what everyone else told me I was supposed to have, what others may have been pretending to have and what society tells us, we’re incomplete without. Hell, for that matter, I was told that I would never find love by people who loved me, because I either didn’t look the part, or it just would never happen for me. This journey to loving me, has taught me some painful, but valuable lessons. You see, we think we love ourselves, based on shallow and superficial things, but that’s just a mask of deception, that helps us shield ourselves from the truth. If we check our records of love, we can trace a lineage of heartache, that we kept accepting, because it served its purpose at that time. Some we attracted, simply because we needed to feel a semblance of something that mimicked love.

It really is true that hurt people, hurt people. While on your search for love, you attract people who aren’t whole either, and you BOTH hurt one another. We convince ourselves that this person loves us, because our common thread is so familiar, but definitely not healthy.

When I discovered I didn’t love me, I sat in the middle of the floor, and cried for hours. That’s when my journey to discovery of real love began – how to love me, and STOP looking for others to do it for me. Nope, it didn’t magically just happen, but I was more aware of my actions, and what I allowed.

TODAY, I couldn’t be more comfortable with me, and whether it be personal or otherwise, the people and things that attach to me, has to be healthy and of service to my well being. If not, I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes, and I’m able to either help them on their journey, or know when to say, “WHEN!”

When I am asked questions from my clients, or just those who are on their own self discovery love journey, I listen with an open mind and heart, because this is a familiar road that is not easy, and definitely shouldn’t be judged. However, I am honest.

It’s so amazing how open I am to love, although it was the single most difficult thing to trust for years upon years. I still struggle a little, but my faith keeps me, and I see God working through me. I’ve had some near misses, but now it seems that love keeps finding me in every area of my life, and it feels so damn good!

It may not have been easy, but it has actually been worth it, because it was my journey to take… In the words of a woman I admire so very much, my literary giant, “Maya Angelou,” I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now!

Terry D.

Sex & Intimacy

Enlarge Your Territory

November 27, 2013 Terry D. Leave a comment

Don’t deviate – say what you mean, and mean what you say – enough of the foolishness. Why is it so easy to just ward off what you want? Yes, love is about compromise and sacrifice, but doesn’t compromise mean that both people should be involved?

If you want to be married, then you need to say so, be unapologetic and STOP negotiating your happiness. Dating is not a career, unless that’s what you want. Why would you date someone for years, give them everything that encompasses marriage, but never require the commitment. “Why marry the cow, when you can get the milk for free is REAL!” It seems to be a new trend for women to claim men as their husband, and nothing could be further from the truth! My hubby this, my hubby that. Yeah, you feel like the wife, because for all intent and purposes, it’s the role you’re “playing.”

So let me get this right. He’s afraid of commitment, but doesn’t have a problem with shacking with you, having sex, paying bills together, attending family functions, even owning a house and car together, and I’m sorry, but maybe I’m a little slow… Isn’t that commitment?

Maybe you’re afraid of losing them, maybe you’re afraid you’ll have to be alone, but guess what, news flash: how can you lose what you really don’t have. Look at it like this – if something ever happened to either of you, what would now happen to the things you’ve attained together?

You don’t live forever, and while you’re here, you matter as well be able to operate in what makes your heart happy. Now that ‘s not to say that we marry just anyone, but find someone who you can be friends with, someone you have some things in common with.

Set expectations and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Dress to impress you, and if you want to honestly attract someone who will value you, you should actually be worried about what others think. You’re auditioning for your future, not a video. Honestly, sometimes we tell ourselves we want things out loud, but inside, we secretly don’t believe it, so that actually supersedes what your mouth is saying, and it shows, even when we’re masking the pain and discontent that we often subconsciously harbor.

We teach others how to treat us by our language, our own expectations, our values, the way we dress and the people we surround ourselves around.

Enlarge Your Territory

Terry D.