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Find Your Happy Place

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Find your Happy Place in YOU…

We are all a little (A lot) restless and stir crazy, because of the angst of COVID19, but it’s definitely not the time to allow boredom or loneliness to hijack your progress of healing!

  • No, the phone calls are NOT harmless
  • Yes, it’s only “CORONA” temporary, and I’m not talking about the beer
  • No, it didn’t make them realize what they didn’t have (It was a matter of a phone contact scroll, until someone took the bait)

Just like you’re bored, so are they. They will find someone that will give them attention, but it doesn’t have to be you. Dig deep, and remember WHY they’re an ex! Once this is over, they’ll start to show you exactly that. Right now it almost feels like you’re in the honeymoon stage, but when it’s all said and done, you’ll be in a post pandemic nightmare. There will be so much healing needed after this is all over, so why add the unnecessary?

Stay focused and use this time wisely. Whatever you were doing before, remember that it worked.

Remember your worth – Remember your PEACE – Use the block feature liberally!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

Anger Management, Blogging, Chicago Blogger, Conflict Resolution, Covid-19, Depression, Disputes, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Hope, Journeys, Life, Love and Relationships, Mental Health, Pandemic, starting over, The Unfiltered Truth, Thriving

Covid-19 Be Informed, Be Safe, but Not Consumed

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In a world of Uncertainty, Mayhem, Fear and Utter Chaos, we should stay informed, but not become consumed and allow this pandemic to make us lose our hope and faith! I’m not making light of this, but half truths and information overload, can leave us depressed and anxious.

Who could have imagined this?

This is just the First Quarter of 2020, and life as we know it has completely been altered! Let’s not allow the opposing team (The Enemy) to get in our heads! Even if this takes us into overtime, we will WIN! While we feel inconvenienced by being ordered to quarantine, think about those who are fighting for their lives! Makes you put things in perspective, right?

  • We have family members that can only rely on third party information about their hospitalized loved ones
  • We have college students that have to postpone their graduations, or even be forced to participate virtually
  • We have weddings being postponed
  • We have High School graduates that may never get to experience the novelty of Prom, not to mention, the uncertainty of graduation dates

Remember when we complained about never having enough hours in the day to get anything done? Now we’re complaining about all of the time we have to do nothing! Don’t take this time for granted. UNPLUG from the news and social media for periods of time, and stay centered in your own peace, and know that this is only a temporary interruption of simple things we take for granted. It may not feel like it, but it could be a blessing in disguise for some.

Most times, our busy lives keep us from having to deal with our reality.

  • A mischievous child
  • A toxic relationship
  • Unfinished projects
  • Internal battles

Find the joy in the little things

It’s time to put things in perspective and prioritize. What lessons can we take away?

  • Have I saved enough money to not have to rely on a bandaid for a gunshot wound? ($1,200 Stimulus Check)
  • Am I using my time to increase my faith and relationship with God
  • Secure more than one stream of income
  • Stop putting off tomorrow, what you can do TODAY
  • Tell your loved ones you love them
  • Don’t take your health for granted
  • Use your time wisely
  • Thrive don’t just survive
  • Appreciate the gift of LIFE and LOVE, and don’t treat your relationships like a chore

It’s my sincere hope that we come out of this; appreciating every breath, not taking our liberties for granted, loving on our families, and LIVING – not just surviving and existing!

Terry D. 💜xoxo💜

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Anger Management, Conflict Resolution, Depression, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Family, Forgiveness, Generational Curses, Insecurities, Life, Mental Health, Mental Illness, The Unfiltered Truth, Unhealthy Relationships

Hiding in Plain Sight

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kate

Kate Spade 1962-2018

Have you ever watched someone’s day-to-day routine, and admire their spirit, their grit and their grace? Feels like they’re always on…right?

Well, sometimes it’s because of their journey of blood, sweat and tears, that affords them the peace to exhale and other times, they’re holding their breath, wearing a mask of deception, because of expectations and fear of judgment and disappointment; not only to others, but to themselves! It’s easy to dress up the pain to a world of superficiality and selfishness.

Dying inside, but outside you’re looking fearless. While the tears are rolling down your cheeks, you steady hoping things don’t fall down this week. ‘Cause if it did, you couldn’t take it!

Tupac Shakur

Like any relationship, there is always a sign(s)… it’s important to have someone that listens with their heart. Someone that will allow you to stumble, but won’t let you fall.

Life becomes a blur of conformity, where you feel like a stranger in your own body! When the noise quiets, and the stranger slowly fades in the background, and suddenly reality and YOU come face-to-face. You can’t hide from yourself, because you know the truth. Life has tasked you with a gift that you don’t feel you deserve! It feels natural, BUT…. your gift becomes a mental burden, yet the perfect disguise and coping mechanism, because it allows you to escape the pain and feeling of worthlessness and no sense of purpose, but it’s all only temporary! Your mask is mistaken and brushed off as pride and strength, or even arrogance!

Life is about service, but you can’t always be the one left feeling depleted! It sends you into an overwhelming frenzy of depression, desperation and haste! Self care is essential, and sometimes that means being selfish. If not, after a while, you accept defeat, and live in a fog – waiting to fade away…

CREATE ME MOMENTS… Moments where you don’t give anything to anyone but YOU!

Terry D.

Anger Management, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Family, Forgiveness, Generational Curses, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, Restoration, Single Ladies, Single Men, Single Mothers, Singles, starting over, Unhealthy Relationships

Is Your Truth Buried in a Lie?

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We subconsciously live our lives based on what has been fed into our spirits.

How many of us live our lives based on expectations? It’s not easy to keep up appearances for something that was either taught or mimicked!  Despite how much we fight it, our actions and attitude become a reflection of what’s on the inside.

No matter how many lies we bury, the truth will always rear its ugly head. We have repetitive relational behaviors, and it’s easier to blame others, but the truth is; we came to the relationship with baggage that keeps us from fully emotionally connecting. Yes, it’s true that relationships suffer from lack of communication, finances and infidelity, but how much of this is a learned behavior.  No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, words carry power, and we subconsciously replay them in our heads, and as a result, carry them into our adult lives, and they take on a part of our character.

How many times have you heard?

  • Men don’t cry
  • Do as I say, and not as I do
  • Men don’t express their feelings
  • You’re too young to settle down
  • Don’t worry about what he does, as long as he takes care of home
  • Don’t upset him
  • You’re going to be a player
  • Get your money, if you’re going to sleep with someone
  • Always keep you a spare, because everyone cheats

Seemingly harmless statements prove to be just the opposite.

At some point, we have to take ownership for our baggage and choices.  Our learned behaviors are often passed down from generation to generation, and our dysfunctions img_0504become a normality, because accepting and facing the truth means actually having to be accountable.

If two people have been taught the same dysfunctional behaviors, it’s difficult to find balance.  We fight, we become bitter and we look for a scapegoat.  If we’re blessed enough to have someone that was not taught these same behaviors, we emotionally exhaust them, because we become needy, and they not only become a punching bag, but also an emotional receptacle.

Our emotional health has to be a priority.  It will allow us to heal past wounds, release generational curses and function in relationships without fear or waiting for the ball to drop.  The truth really will make you FREE!  Free to LIVE and LOVE on your terms.

If you want to know how I learned to start living my truth, check out my book, My Truth – https://www.amazon.com/My-Truth-Short-Stories-Pain/dp/1478785225/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508221603&sr=8-1&keywords=my+truth+terry+connor

Terry D.

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African American Dating, Blogging, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Family, Forgiveness, healthy relationships, Insecurities, Interracial Relationships, Journeys, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Restoration, starting over, This Is Us, Unhealthy Relationships

This Is Us (The Melting Pot)

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Cue the Kleenex please…

The anticipation has been building, and once we saw Sterling K. Brown walk away with img_0323the Emmy, we sat on the edge of our seats, not so patiently awaiting Season 2 of This Is Us!

This show embodies a multitude of layers and facets of love.  It all came by the way of innocence and tragedy – in other words, by God’s design!

This is a show that not only demonstrates that img_0314Black Love is not taboo, but it also defies the stereotypes and shifts the trajectory of how we define love and family.  This is an emotional story that unfolds, and helps viewers to believe in love again.

The death and birth of an infant, would begin this img_0320story of tragedy and triumph of this not so picture perfect American family, as defined by society, but would teach a family that’s not bound by blood, to love without conditions, and equip them with strength for the unexpected.

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Regardless of this Melting Pot Family, it does not negate their love and family dynamic, but rather demonstrates love through the lens of those who feel unloved beyond the lines of color, weight and social status. Their differences are actually what help seal their relationships, without contrived limiting beliefs!

This Is Us teaches us forgiveness and acceptance in the deepest sense!

We’re now a couple of episodes into the new season, and still on the edge of our seats, because it’s so riveting, that it pulls you into their story line, and restores your sense of faith and hope in humanity.

This Is Us airs on NBC on Tuesdays at 9/8 CST

Let me know your thoughts, and please SUBSCRIBE, SHARE, LIKE AND/OR COMMENT!

Terry D.

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Anger Management, Blogging, Breakups, Cheating, Conflict Resolution, Disputes, Dreams and Visions, Love and Relationships, Men & Love, Sex & Intimacy, Singles, Unhealthy Relationships

These Are My Confessions

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these are my confessionsHow many of us are willing to admit that the failure of love has kept us up at night, or caused us to even cry ourselves to sleep?  I have loved and lost, and even swore off love, but then I find myself right back in the trenches of wanting to share my heart with someone else, but often feeling trapped from the fear of losing it again.  We’re told that we should love ourselves enough to not allow someone else not to, but it’s not always so easy now is it?  We don’t always feel comfortable confessing that we don’t always want to be so strong, but instead, we want to feel sorry for ourselves, just for a moment.   Even though it doesn’t solve anything, it’s a temporary satisfaction that helps for now…

In my journey, I find myself meeting others that are ready to bandaged heartexplode, because they walk around for years, with bottled up lies of how they really feel when they broke up with someone, afraid to admit that they stayed longer than they should have, or that they even think about getting back with someone that might not be good for them, or maybe have even done it, but feel ashamed to admit this, and is emotionally isolated in their actions, because of their fear of judgment.    Some of our behaviors are subconscious, but it will take someone that can identify with you, and be able to accept you for you.

It’s not that we’re not capable of loving ourselves; we just really have to be honest, and accept that we are NOT perfect, and we will not live up to all the pressures that are placed upon us.  So damn what if you slip up.  You won’t be the first or last.  Here’s the thing – the only reason we’re afraid to share our relationship botches, is because the other people you’re talking to, are not always telling you the whole truth either, and we think we’re in this alone, and let’s be honest, people feel better, if it’s not them failing.  Sometimes we feel like a loser, when we tell “Our TRUTH!”

Love is not exact, and you may screw it up more than once, and yes you have to learn to love you, but you have to figure out how to do that, and as long as you’re honest with yourself, you will feel less worried about pleasing others, and get back to the business of navigating your own missteps and letting yourself off the hook when it doesn’t go exactly as planned.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to learn to meet others and yourself exactly where you are right now!

In the words of Usher, “These are my confessions.”

Terry D.